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EA and maybe more - Falling apart!!!

60K views 254 replies 37 participants last post by  Crossmyheart 
#1 ·
Never thought I would end up in a forum like this. My hands are shaking as I write. My scenario is so VAST and messy that I could write a novel of whats transpired between my W and I. I'll try to sum up as best as I can...

Back in July, the worst day of my life came to be; I was notified at my doorstep by the police that my older sister was killed in a car accident. I'm not going into details, but it still hurts to this day. The only reason I'm even mentioning this is for background info of my state of mind.

Here's what my family life is like... I've been with my W for 6+ years, been married just over a year; August 2011. We have 4 kids. She has 2 twin boys (age 12) from a previous relationship, but they call me Dad and hardly ever see their "biological father". We also have 2 beautiful little girls (ages 3 and 5). We both work full-time; and I just recently started working 2 nights a week at a pizza parlor for some extra money. We live on very little income. I guess you could say we're both over-worked and under-paid.

So, for me, this is when everything started to get heavy. On Sept 7 my W got a "random" friend request on Facebook. She had no idea who is was, but accepted it for some reason. This is when I got a little leery, but I trusted her so I didn't think anything of it.

I started noticing that my W started acting a little different shortly afterward, e.g. wanting to excercise, diet, wanting space. I told her my concerns regarding her new "friend". I told her I was worried they would start emailing, texting, phone conversation, etc. She told me she had NO intention of any of that. At any rate, I caught her on the phone with him one night and listened in. The conversation was quite innocent; nothing too personal. After she hung up, I confronted her about it. And she got angry and said "I don't need your permission to talk to whom I want to talk to."

Anyway, this could go on way too long, so I'll just let everyone know where I currently stand. From what I've gathered they've never met in person, though I doubt it. My W DID tell me that texting/talking to him is an escape for her since he knows very little about her, but he does know that we're married.

Occasionally, the correspondence goes away, but then the next week I'll find a recent text between them, but again its not anything very secretive. My W is so sick and tired of me constantly telling her my concerns or answering my questions that I feel I'm doing more harm than good.

The OM is FAR more successful than I ever could be. He's a firefighter/paramedic and just recently was elected to City Council. I'm an ant compared to him. He's a Christian and is single. I'm not very religious by the way and neither is my W.

I'm so torn right now. My W tells me she loves me and kisses me goodbye when I leave for work, etc. But I can't shake the thoughts in my head of what may or may not be going on between them. And please don't tell me to check phone records. I have no cell phone and she is still on her familys plan. So thats not an option of trying to find things out.

I will admit that things have died down a bit, but I'm still scared and skeptical. ANY advice is welcome, but understand I love my W with all my heart, but I can't stay feeling paranoid like this forever.
 
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#241 ·
She laughed bc you looked like a starved puppy waiting for a crumb. She decided she just wasn't in the mood for a pity fuc.
 
#243 ·
I read thru this thread. All I can say is CMH could have brought all of this to a head weeks ago. The longer this drags out, the more empowered your wife will become and the more emasculated you will feel. Here is what I would do in your shoes. I have no experience with infidelity, but I've been married for 16 years so I do have marital experience:

1) Revisit the idea of talking to this OM personally and let your wife know your intentions. Do this intentionally to see her reaction.

2) If she reacts as I think she would - negatively and threaten divorce again - tell her to go for it. Tell her you are sick and tired of playing these games and being treated like garbage. If she feels that her relationship with this OM is more important then she should pursue it. But advise her that there will be consequences

3) Expose this inappropriate relationship to everyone you know. It's a small town, so even the implication of an elected official being inappropriate with another man's wife should be painful to him. Bring him down and ruin his career. Take an ad out in the local newspaper if you have to. Let your wife's family know what's going on.

4) Now you have to wait and see how your wife reacts to this. Depending on how she reacts will dictate how your next steps will go.
 
#244 ·
It's been a long, grueling roller coaster ride. But this whole experience has helped me see things a little more clearly. I've come to the conclusion that although I love my wife; I don't love her enough to fall apart and remain unhappy. This whole marriage is unhealthy and I can't stay in it any longer. I plan on filing for divorce; and it's not a bluff.
 
#245 ·
Did you just give up and accept that she was unfaithful, or did you discover something else?

Either way, you are probably doing the right thing. You've been jerked around enough. Stand tall. Count your blessings (she's not one - your kids are) and move toward a new day.
 
#246 ·
Oh, one more thing. Expose him to his work - he is in a position of trust. He meets people when they're vulnerable. He had no qualms in just reaching across cyberspace and plucking your wife out of the blue as if he was entitled. What do you suppose he does when he meets good-looking vulnerable women in his job.

Expose your wife as well. Let it be known that you tried very hard, worked to support her, cared for the kids and struggled with trying to keep your family together. But it was she that resisted and brought an end to the kids two-parent family.
 
#248 ·
I dropped the 'D' word on her last night. I didn't say I wanted one, but I said maybe we should consider it for the good of us and the kids. She got pissed off and ran upstairs and went to bed. I think I'll let tonight pass with no incident and then talk to her about more tomorrow evening. At least I FINALLY put it out there. I guess Step 1 is over...
 
#251 ·
Let me guess. You did not read MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER.

Just skimmed back through hour thread and can't see where you folloeed the advice from people who have been in your shoes.

You have the responsbility to lead your family and your big call is to bail

Wishing luck to your kids, they are going to need all they can get.
 
#250 ·
I asume more of the same.

Crossmyheart
I dropped the 'D' word on her last night. I didn't say I wanted one, but I said maybe we should consider it for the good of us and the kids. She got pissed off and ran upstairs and went to bed. I think I'll let tonight pass with no incident and then talk to her about more tomorrow evening. At least I FINALLY put it out there. I guess Step 1 is over...
Has you ever latked to a lawyer? Any idea of the potential outcomes, scenarios?
 
#252 ·
So, I suddenly had a moment of realization. Not that I'm a doctor or a shrink, but I've been doing some deep research the past 3 days and noticed that my wife is showing a lot of signs regarding Bipolar Disorder. The funny thing is, she has always had these symptoms, but (maybe because of love) I never really took the time to look into it further. I think I might hold off on the D talks and see if she'll seek treatment. I'll be patient for awhile, but if she keeps refusing, then I'll have to move on. Now, I'm tasked with the problem of trying to convince her to see a doctor regarding this "possible" condition. Good luck to me on that, huh?
 
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