Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree222Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 11-19-2012, 01:13 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 107
Default Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

I never thought that I would be someone who would ever need to worry or face this, guess it just goes to show that nothing in life is certain.

Briefly, me and my wife have been together for 11 years, been married 7 of those 11 years. It was the perfect marriage – lots of love, excitement, head over heels all day every day, we could not be more sure of anything else in life except that we wanted to spend it together – and we got married at a young age – so even though it’s been 11 years, we only just crossed 30.

For the most part life has been good, of course we fight over stuff but nothings ever happened that’s ever even come close to shaking the ground I stand on – till a few days back.
Before I get to the situation, just to serve as a background - over the last couple of years work has to a large degree overtaken our lives , we started out as small professionals but are now senior in both our industries and companies – along with the money came more and more responsibilities and more time in office – we got into a routine , which I did not think much of as being a problem , but we still made time for each other – over the weekends we were together , we went 2-3 times a year for holidays and that’s been the way it has for the last 2-3 years.

Since July this year , her work took a turn for the worse in terms of workload – more time in office , late nights etc. More than half the time I used to be asleep before she got home and we got more used to doing things independently. Never during this did I ever have a doubt as to there being something amiss

A few days ago she sat me down and asked if I felt something was wrong with us, I told her not, except that maybe we need to organize our worklives a bit and take out more time for each other but maybe then again this is just a phase and once we have put in our slog years everything will be fine. I said light-heartedly that I missed her nagging me to be with her everywhere but that while I fell that I also realize how important her job is at this point and I am happy to give that space.

She then proceeded to tell me the same thing – and then dropped a small bombshell that briefly for about 20-30 days , she started ‘liking’ a colleague in office - now I know the guy and me as well as many of our friends have made numerous jokes and teased her about it . When she mentioned this I was still fine – she then dropped the bigger bombshell and told me that they had ended up having sex on an offsite they went for in September – and it just happened , spur of the moment etc.
Needless to say and to make it short – I was devastated but I have not done the ‘walk out of the house’ , ‘kick his butt’ type of stuff yet , all I wanted to understand was why.

The reason I got was something I am still trying to get her to make me understand – she said she had been feeling a bit distant for the last 1 year ( she never discussed it with me or even brought it up in the last year) and one thing led to another and she started liking this guy and then one more thing led to another and they had sex – and since then for over 40-45 days they have not been in touch , it was like a one-night stand. She proceeded to tell me to stay calm and that she wanted to make an effort to work it out because while whatever happened, I am still the one she wants to be with – and that she really wants to work at reducing this distance she feels and we should figure out how.

Now I have stayed calm, but I just cant help feeling really bad over a few things – and I am not being able to possibly look at the larger picture, of trying to work things out , because this is all I am getting obsessed with

They had sex twice that night – I keep asking myself and I have asked her – after you were done the first time , what were you thinking? Did you think of me , the life you had before jumping into bed again? And unfortunately I end up with only 2 answers – Either you did think of me but went ahead anyway thus dismissing me , or you did not think of me at all – possibly even worse.

I keep thinking ofcourse of them sleeping together as well – what they might have done , who was where , etc etc – its like a porn movie running inside my head all the time.

She says I will get over it , or atleast push it to the back of my head if I work on this , with her , we both do on sorting this out. And on many levels I do , I think 11 years deserves another shot – but all I can think of right now is the sex , and to make things worse , I have often spoken to my wife about us not really having a great sex life because of the work and that while I try she does not – so not only is it sex , it’s a blow under the belt as well.

Lastly, I keep asking her and myself – if there was a problem as early as 1 year ago – why wait to tell me now? Why wait to go out of the relationship, have sex with someone else and then come to me? If you needed a shoulder to cry on, and your colleague was giving that to you then why did it end up being sex – what happened to Base 1,2,3?? Why did you go all out..etc etc….

And the more I think about it , try and arrive at some direction to move on in my head , I am left with another unanswered question – if she had slept with him only 1 time , and then regretted the act – would that have been better and easier for me to accept? Atleast i might have the solace of holding onto the fact that she did really feel bad?

And to be honestly open, 6 years ago I digressed a little as well – but nothing like this or as extreme. There was a girl in my office which I got a crush on , went out for coffee maybe 3-4 times , spoke to her a lot , stopped after 3 months. My wife knew , and she now tells me that what she is asking me to work out is exactly what she had to do 6 years back as well (in her head) – I keep telling her its not the same thing , I did not let it spiral out of control , there was nothing physical with me – I did not end up sleeping with anyone.

So the situation as it stands as of the moment is that she says she will make as much effort as is required , in fact she knows she needs to make most of the effort given what she has done , she just wants me to be receptive. That her having sex is a smaller part of the problem - the bigger problem being why she felt like doing this with someone else to begin with - where did the 'gap' in the relationship come from is what needs to be understood and worked on.

My current standard response to that to her right now is - fine , there is a problem - why not raise it earlier and given us and our marriage an opportunity to fix it while it was developing rather than wait , do the worst possible thing you could to me and then bring it up and ask me to make an effort.

As i said , on many levels i do want to , but i cannot get over those questions i posted earlier on - maybe things are a just too fresh right now , maybe it will ease up , i dont know - i hope so.

Just felt like sharing with everyone , i have been spending a lot of time here over the last few days , managed to get the never upto put this down today.

I have strong family and friends around , but i cant and dont want to discuss this with them at this stage , i would prefer to do that , if at all , after i have some fixed direction to move in my head.

Thanks for reading!

P.S. : i told her she should contemplate leaving her job , putting some distance between her and this guy, she declined , saying that she loves her work , her team too much , there might not be other options in the market - and that i should feel reast assured that nothing will happen again , that she will not be talking /interacting with him and she will definitely not make the same mistake twice.


shattered32 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 11-19-2012, 01:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
AngryandUsed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: In myself.
Posts: 1,311
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Danger.

She must quit the job. She must go no contact with that guy - Yesterday.

She cant compare the intensity of your EA with her full blown PA. Cheaters do this anyway.

Go to newbies link at the beginning of the forum.

Go and see your doctor.

Postpone all your decisions to stay or not - until you get your head to reasonably think.
AngryandUsed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 02:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 182
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Shattered. It is a good sign that your wife came clean but there are still a lot of question marks. A lot will depend on your wife. It will depend on how remorsefull she is, how honest she is, and how much of an effort she puts forth.

First off, don't necessarily trust your wife. She may be lying to you. Why did she pick now to tell you? She may have been with this guy for a whole year, and after he dumped her she decided to save her marriage. She may have had no intention of telling you, it's possible the other mans wife was about to drop the dime.

The first step is to set the tone. She may be remorsefull but don't let her minimize what she did or let her try to blame you for it. The second thing is you have to spy on her. Put in a VAR and get all of her passwords. Don't ask her for these get this info yourself.

Don't back down an inch. If you decide she has to quit her job, she has to quit. Not saying you should tell her to do this, but from here on out she is the one who has to accommodate you.

Finally, be very skeptical of what your wife tells you. It is rare for a woman to spill the beans completely, almost always they will hide important elements and try to manipulate you. Let her know unequivocally that you demand all of the truth, and if you do not get it you will divorce her. If she balks it is time for the 180.

Stay strong brother!
Summer4744 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 02:08 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Jonesey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: In La La land
Posts: 995
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Oh Boy!

You are not getting the whole truth. Believe me.
She is not even remorseful. My take is that she has been
involved in a affair all this time.Hence she is telling you now..
The question is why is she telling you now..





Quote:
Originally Posted by shattered32 View Post
I never thought that I would be someone who would ever need to worry or face this, guess it just goes to show that nothing in life is certain.

Briefly, me and my wife have been together for 11 years, been married 7 of those 11 years. It was the perfect marriage – lots of love, excitement, head over heels all day every day, we could not be more sure of anything else in life except that we wanted to spend it together – and we got married at a young age – so even though it’s been 11 years, we only just crossed 30.

For the most part life has been good, of course we fight over stuff but nothings ever happened that’s ever even come close to shaking the ground I stand on – till a few days back.
Before I get to the situation, just to serve as a background - over the last couple of years work has to a large degree overtaken our lives , we started out as small professionals but are now senior in both our industries and companies – along with the money came more and more responsibilities and more time in office – we got into a routine , which I did not think much of as being a problem , but we still made time for each other – over the weekends we were together , we went 2-3 times a year for holidays and that’s been the way it has for the last 2-3 years.

Since July this year , her work took a turn for the worse in terms of workload – more time in office , late nights etc. More than half the time I used to be asleep before she got home and we got more used to doing things independently. Never during this did I ever have a doubt as to there being something amiss

A few days ago she sat me down and asked if I felt something was wrong with us,Why is she asking? She should/know´s the answer..

I told her not, except that maybe we need to organize our worklives a bit and take out more time for each other but maybe then again this is just a phase and once we have put in our slog years everything will be fine. I said light-heartedly that I missed her nagging me to be with her everywhere
I don't think you did.


but that while I fell that I also realize how important her job is at this point and I am happy to give that space.

She then proceeded to tell me the same thing – and then dropped a small bombshell that briefly for about 20-30 days , she started ‘liking’ a colleague in officeYou see you did not miss anything.

- now I know the guy and me as well as many of our friends have made numerous jokes and teased her about it .

Here is where you missed it.


When she mentioned this I was still fine –

[B]she then dropped the bigger bombshell and told me that they had ended up having sex on an offsite they went for in September – and it just happenedspur of the moment etc./B] Just happened?
Yeah right. Did she not tell you that for about 20-30 she started
to like the guy??


Needless to say and to make it short – I was devastated but I have not done the ‘walk out of the house’ , ‘kick his butt’ type of stuff yet , all I wanted to understand was why.

The reason I got was something I am still trying to get her to make me understand – she said she had been feeling a bit distant for the last 1 year ( she never discussed it with me or even brought it up in the last year)
They never do..


and one thing led to another and she started liking this guy and then one more thing led to another and they had sex – and since then for over 40-45 days they have not been in touch
Yeas and Santa is for real..


it was like a one-night stand.Sigh. What happened with the 20-30 day´s?


She proceeded to tell me to stay calm and that she wanted to make an effort to work it out She has ball´s i give her that..


because while whatever happened, I am still the one she wants to be with Really? Why now?


– and that she really wants to work at reducing this distance she feels and we should figure out how. She could not have
figured it out one year ago.. And what makes her feel,you want to figure it out now? Especially you was never given a chance to begin with..

Now I have stayed calm, but I just cant help feeling really bad over a few things – and I am not being able to possibly look at the larger picture, of trying to work things out , because this is all I am getting obsessed with Of course you feel that way.
She show´s no remorse

They had sex twice that night – I keep asking myself and I have asked her – after you were done the first time , what were you thinking? Did you think of me , the life you had before jumping into bed again? And unfortunately I end up with only 2 answers – Either you did think of me but went ahead anyway thus dismissing me , or you did not think of me at all – possibly even worse.

I keep thinking ofcourse of them sleeping together as well – what they might have done , who was where , etc etc – its like a porn movie running inside my head all the time.

She says I will get over it ,Like i said ,she does have balls´s and a whole lot of arrogance.

[B]or atleast push it to the back of my head if I work on this with her/B]
Ask her would she pull it of if the shoe was on the other foot.

we both do on sorting this out. As of now.The only sorting out is the complete truth.Nothing else matter´s before
you know every thing.

And on many levels I do , I think 11 years deserves another shot – but all I can think of right now is the sex , and to make things worse , I have often spoken to my wife about us not really having a great sex life because of the work and that while I try she does not – so not only is it sex , it’s a blow under the belt as well.

Lastly, I keep asking her and myself – if there was a problem as early as 1 year ago – why wait to tell me now? Why wait to go out of the relationship, have sex with someone else and then come to me? See above

If you needed a shoulder to cry on, and your colleague was giving that to you then why did it end up being sex – what happened to Base 1,2,3?? Why did you go all out..etc etc….

And the more I think about it , try and arrive at some direction to move on in my head , I am left with another unanswered question – if she had slept with him only 1 time , and then regretted the act – would that have been better and easier for me to accept?It sadly was not the only time it happened.


Atleast i might have the solace of holding onto the fact that she did really feel bad?

And to be honestly open, 6 years ago I digressed a little as well – but nothing like this or as extreme. There was a girl in my office which I got a crush on , went out for coffee maybe 3-4 times , spoke to her a lot , stopped after 3 months. My wife knew , and she now tells me that what she is asking me to work out is exactly what she had to do 6 years back as well
So that is how it works?

(in her head) – I keep telling her its not the same thing , I did not let it spiral out of control , there was nothing physical with me – I did not end up sleeping with anyone.

So the situation as it stands as of the moment is that she says she will make as much effort as is required ,


in fact she knows she needs to make most of the effort given what she has done , she just wants me to be receptive. That her having sex is a smaller part of the problem Seriously? come on.Its not a small part. ITS HUGE.

the bigger problem being why she felt like doing this with someone else to begin withYeas she is right on the money on that one.

where did the 'gap' in the relationship come from is what needs to be understood and worked on.
The "gap" is simply.She never made an effort.


My current standard response to that to her right now is - fine , there is a problem - why not raise it earlier and given us and our marriage an opportunity to fix it while it was developing rather than wait , do the worst possible thing you could to me and then bring it up and ask me to make an effort.
Like i said ,she never made an effort.And this is what i said
in the beginning.Why is she telling you this now.


As i said , on many levels i do want to , but i cannot get over those questions i posted earlier on - maybe things are a just too fresh right now , maybe it will ease up , i dont know - i hope so.Understandable .Don´t make any rash decision´s right now.

Just felt like sharing with everyone , i have been spending a lot of time here over the last few days , managed to get the never upto put this down today.

I have strong family and friends around , but i cant and dont want to discuss this with them at this stage , i would prefer to do that , if at all , after i have some fixed direction to move in my head.

Thanks for reading!

P.S. : i told her she should contemplate leaving her job , putting some distance between her and this guy, she declined , saying that she loves her work , her team too much See the bolded part,with out any remarks from me..

, there might not be other options in the market - and that i should feel reast assured that nothing will happen again
Seriously? You should be assured nothing will happen.

She has chosen her job before you.Even when she promised do do anything, to make this right.You should be insulted by that.

that she will not be talking /interacting with him and she will definitely not make the same mistake twice.
Same answer as above..

You really need to expose this. And make her leave her job..

Trust me you do not even know half of the story.


__________________
Bringing you bad Swenglish to TAM since 2011
Jonesey is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 02:24 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Midwest US
Posts: 34
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Shattered,

I am amazed at how your wife is trying to minimize her infidelity.

Ask her how she would feel if you had sex 6 years ago with the woman in your office and you told her to "get over it" and told your wife to try not to think about it?

If there is one quick way to destroy a marriage it is with infidelity.

I am sorry that you are going through this because your reaction is more than normal. If her news that she cheated with another man wasn't a bombshell and it didn't devastate you, I would wonder what kind of marriage you were in with your wife.

You are absolutely correct in the fact that she had sex with the OM twice in the same night says this was not an accident. The fact that your wife admitted she went back for a 2nd helping in the same night with the other man, says volumes.

Do you believe her that they only had sex on that one night and that she has never since had sex with the OM since that night?

Angryandused has given you some great advice in recommending you read the the newbie link.

Affaircare wrote it so well.
"Actually it's not that you don't trust your DS. You do. You 100% trust them to lie. Your DS has proven, more than once, that they're willing to look you in the eye and lie so they can continue their affair, so you completely and fully trust the DS's ability to deceive you. Thus don't be fooled--it's not a trust issue. It is an HONESTY issue."

Angryandused is correct, she needs to quit her job. Your wife says she will make the effort. That effort needs to be her finding a new job, otherwise you will never stop worrying if she is still continuing with the OM.

Doing some detective as recommended with a VAR or keystroke logger would help you determine if she is no longer making contact with the OM. But she should be offering you complete transparency with any and all passwords.

How much do you know about the man your wife cheated with? Is he married?

Your wife needs to write a letter of no contact (also discussed in newbie thread)

I am glad that at least you are not trying to rug sweep this affair as your wife seems to want to do.
Bricko is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 02:41 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,721
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shattered32 View Post
She says I will get over it , or atleast push it to the back of my head if I work on this , with her , we both do on sorting this out.
This made my blood boil

Not only is she getting you to rugsweep the whole thing but it's as if she's dictating the terms of reconciliation. Shattered, I know you have 11 years with this person but this is very worrying to hear.
Complexity is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 02:42 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
AlphaHalf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 400
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Why would anyone knowingly allow/participate in teasing a spouse in part of an ongoing joke of "liking" a coworker????? No red flags raised then? It's not something to joke about now.

As long as she works with the other man and there is no exsposure of the affair to the OM family/coworkers. There will never be any true reconciliation. No matter how you justify it, rugsweep it, swear on the bible, or any other reasoning.

She wont leave her job because she loves it and apparently loved having sex with her coworker twice. She expects YOU to get over it.

Your going to have to set up some very strong boundaries if you want this marriage to continue. Be prepared if she chooses her career over you.

You will never get the "peace of mind" needed for reconciliation with your wife as long as she works at her job with the OM. Its hard enough as it is when there is no contact with the affair partner and the best reconciliation efforts of the cheating spouse.

Last edited by AlphaHalf; 11-19-2012 at 02:47 AM.
AlphaHalf is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 02:48 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 107
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Thank you all for taking the time out to respond to me, i cannot begin to tell you how good it makes me fell to be able to connect with others on this.

The other guy is not married , in fact he is undergoing divorce proceedings - talk about not being able to save his own marriage and now he is going after mine. But while i do blame him , not the same amount as my wife - he had no reason to stop , its wishful thinking on my part to assume that he would have the morals or the ethics to do that - my wife should have stopped it.

Why is she telling me now - well to quote her , because she wants to work it out , she wants to reduce the 'gap' - and she cannot do that without coming clean. She said that it would have been easier to simply not tell me about this incident in particular , but she felt she needed to be honest with me.

What i am also a little concerned about , though not so much at the moment , is how she is taking stock of the future - she is assertive in saying 'dont walk out now - if you do then there is no turning back and 11 years deserves more , i cannot be receptive later , i need to be receptive now to her efforts , walking out will not help if we wish to make an effort' - then she closes it off by saying - and if in a few months there is still no 'bridging the gap' , or i am still not over this incident then we can always go our own ways then .......

......... a bit strange , i would think she would be going all out to convince me that things will work out , when i asked her why she is even contemplating things not working out , she says she is just discussing a hypothetical scenario , but she is sure it will - after all she got over my indiscretion as well - and because she got over it , she knows i will and hence her insisting for time to work on this.
shattered32 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 03:00 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
ilou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 61
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Boy....that's really something. As everyone said, you sure are not getting the full picture. So many questions raised. Why now? Why is she so calm and collective? Telling you to calm down while telling you this.

It just came out like a blur huh? So fast that it was confusing. It's like you were forced to reconcile before you knew she cheated (what does this sentence mean, I have no idea).

Here's what I got out of this, I'm sorry if I'm wrong or if you view differently....

My guess is she REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY thought it out on how to do damage control: Her stating what your goals are to reconcile; stating she has to pull more to "reduce the gap"; telling you to be "be receptive" without it, it wouldn't work. It's so precise and accurate it's pretty scary reading your post.

It seems like you're shell-shocked and were so caught off guard that you didn't even have time to even think about geting mad and put your defenses up. From what I read, it's like the betrayer has forced you to reconcile. Swift action to make it go her way.

Being that she's so thorough on what needs to be done, I'm having doubts that she came out of the fog. Perhaps she knew what she was doing. Knew that you are the long-term man while he the short term. He was her sexual fix. Perhaps while she was in the affair, planned things out just in case word may have spread closer to you and THAT day was when she thought you may have gotten word. Also it's a possibility you are a really nice but indecisive guy and is taking advantage of you and telling you what to do.

I may be over thinking things and a little paranoid because I've been watching mystery movies as of late. But it's never bad to be too careful.

Good luck bro. This is a tough road ahead.

Last edited by ilou; 11-19-2012 at 03:17 AM. Reason: Thought of other stuff
ilou is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 03:06 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 107
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Well i am sure everyone is going to call me gullible - but i would like to believe i am getting the true picture but i completely agree on that she has had time to think about it. She has , close to 2 months to figure out how she wants to approach me , broach the subject etc etc


Quote:
Originally Posted by ilou View Post
Boy....that's really something. As everyone said, you sure are not getting the full picture. So many questions raised. Why now? Why is she so calm and collective? Telling you to calm down while telling you this.

My guess is she REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY thought it out on how to do damage control. It seems like you're shell-shocked and were so caught off guard that you didn't even have time to even think about geting mad and put your defenses up.

Good luck bro. This is a tough road ahead.
shattered32 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 03:12 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
AlphaHalf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 400
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Well she has a game plan in case you don't "push it to the back of your mind". She cheats and gives you the ultimatum. WOW. For that reason alone I would file now. Your gullible. "Like to believe" and reality are two different things. READ THE OTHER POSTS ON THIS SITE. There is always more to what is willingly told from a cheating spouse.

Last edited by AlphaHalf; 11-19-2012 at 03:16 AM.
AlphaHalf is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 03:20 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 474
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

I don't think she has any idea of teh gravity of the situation here. Or what she has to do for theer to be a hope of you trusting her ever again.

If she could come on here, and be told by the experts (i.e. not me) - people who know, because they've done it - or tried and failed - maybe she would understand.

Right now it seems her attitiude is wholey inadequate.
Rags is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 03:25 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
ilou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 61
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Also refusing to leave the job when it is the constant source of the affair?

She said she has the ability to control herself now that she's "out of the fog" but according to her story she didn't have self-control when "it just happened". You can't shut off an oil-well fire without cutting off its fuel.

In this case she doesn't want to shut it off (work).

I still believe she planned out this fling, knowing it was for sex. Knowing that you are the long term man.

Whatever path you take, as long as you have control, it should work out. Good luck sir!
ilou is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 03:34 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
AlphaHalf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 400
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Expose the affair to everyone. Inform her/om boss and the hr department.
AlphaHalf is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-19-2012, 03:40 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
DavidWYoung's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bayren, Germany
Posts: 499
Default Re: Wife Cheated , Dont know what or if i want to do anything.

Sorry, but your wife left the marriage about two years ago. Just my guess from what you wrote. She also had sex with this guy way more than two times. Again I am very sorry.
Your wife has replaced you as her number one, you are safe and comfortable but not sexy to her. You can read thru alot of the post here and come to an understanding of what happened and then mopp about it or you can take action to protect yourself. Talk to a lawyer and get your things in order. Next, I want you to book a trip somewere for two weeks. I would recommend Bangkok Thailand but that is just me. Go somewere were they do not speak english and you have to struggle. The reason for the trip is for the "New You" to emerge. Do worry about the wife or marriage, just worry about YOU! Try new things, new foods, new dancing,new clothing, new hotels, new travel even, new girls if you must. The point of this is for you to break out of your old life and understand that your old life is over and a wonderful new life is going to begin. Do not hate your wife, it just a waste, just start to love yourself. You are worth it.
DavidWYoung is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
i cheated and i dont know why anna28 Coping with Infidelity 72 01-10-2013 04:41 AM
She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do. sadmaninvegas Coping with Infidelity 123 11-20-2012 07:24 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:10 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.