CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 11-19-2012, 03:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

Hi there again,

First off, I don't even know if "cheatee" is a word but what I mean by it is that I am the person who was cheated on, while the "cheater" is the one (my wife) who had been cheating on me.

You may remember me from this thread: Adulterous wife had 2 abortions before we met

Quick update, my wife and I are getting along a lot better. We have decided, for the immediate future, not to divorce and to put things back together for the sake of our children. I did kick her out of the house for one night but it was so tough trying to take care of my 3 kids, the youngest one especially, that I allowed her to come back home.

I realize that I do love my wife but am still trying to cope with the amount of men she had been with before me and the fact that she did have 2 abortions with a chap from Nigeria before we met. I am also still trying to get over the 4 emotional affairs she maintained while dating and being married to me.

OK, now here it is: because she hid her past from me and brought some of her past into my life (3 out of the 4 guys she was having EAs with were ex-boyfriends), she has allowed me to go out and sleep with other women (ex-girlfriends, women from dating sites, escorts, massage parlor staff, professionals etc.).

I do like the thought of being allowed to go buck wild and sleep with as many girls as I like but really don't think it will help me get over what has been done to me. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to go sleep with a woman years younger than me with no strings attached and the rest but will I be just making a torn apart marriage even worse? Will there be no turning back?

I'm guessing every man would love to have the opportunity I have been given but I just don't know if I am up to it or not. Again, would love to have no-strings-attached sex with random women again but...

What say you?
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

Don't do it.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

It would make the situation worse.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

Agree. If your marriage means anything, don't do it. Or separate first.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

Quote:
Originally Posted by Canadajin View Post
Hi there again,



I realize that I do love my wife but am still trying to cope with the amount of men she had been with before me and the fact that she did have 2 abortions with a chap from Nigeria before we met. I am also still trying to get over the 4 emotional affairs she maintained while dating and being married to me.

OK, now here it is: because she hid her past from me and brought some of her past into my life (3 out of the 4 guys she was having EAs with were ex-boyfriends), she has allowed me to go out and sleep with other women (ex-girlfriends, women from dating sites, escorts, massage parlor staff, professionals etc.).

I do like the thought of being allowed to go buck wild and sleep with as many girls as I like but really don't think it will help me get over what has been done to me. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to go sleep with a woman years younger than me with no strings attached and the rest but will I be just making a torn apart marriage even worse? Will there be no turning back?

I'm guessing every man would love to have the opportunity I have been given but I just don't know if I am up to it or not. Again, would love to have no-strings-attached sex with random women again but...

What say you?
NO! Not every man would want his "opportunity". Thsi suggestion is the perfect storm for your marriage. If in fact you do love your wife, then this shold be the farthest thought from your mind.

Please don't make hasty decision to take her back or to throweverything out the window. Decide in haste and regret in leisure applies in reconcilliation.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

It won't fix the problems, it will just add more to the mix.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

Go for it. I started a similar thread a little while ago where I wanted to ask my wife if she'd mind if I did that. I mean, just because she hates me but wants to stay married for the kids doesn't mean I can't go looking for a little intimacy elsewhere, right?
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

Don't even think about it, and no not every man wants this...
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:57 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

I notice, revenge affairs never seem to yeild the intended results.

You think it will help you feel better, and get over the betrayal.

Well...the number of things that coud go wrong are uncountable.
Like, your wife could go angry. Women are impossible to understand. She may have given you the green light to do this, but that doesn't mean she is expecting you to actually go through with it.
If you do go through with it, she may lose her sex drive completely because she feels betrayed by you.
Just because she is giving you the green light to trample her feelings (which I personally am usually all in favor of) this does not mean this is a good idea, or the correct way to do it.
You could get the person you sleep with pregnant. There is a whole other can of worms.
You could even fall in love with the person you sleep with. You are upset and hurt with your wife. Do you really think having sex with another woman will help your situation by making you love your wife more? I don't think love works that way.
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:00 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

NO! DO NOT DO IT!

There needs to be one person in the relationship who remains, for want of a better term, out of the ditch. See, your wife fell in a ditch. It's YOUR job to pull her out, not to leap into the damn mud with her!
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:09 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

Wow...really?

How could you even contemplate this? If you just experienced all this pain at the hands of your wife, how would you 'returning the favor' help your marriage?

I thought the reason you were hurt was because she broke her vow of commitment? Because she lacked integrity?

Someone in this marriage has to be the adult and show the other what it means to remain committed no matter what the situation or circumstance.

Remember two things: One, if two people lay down together, at least one will get up with feelings.

Two, if you do the same thing you have been complaining about in these posts....

Then what do you have to complain about in the first place?
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:19 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

Boy, This is going to be one large train wreck. Please do not do that. Thank you.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

If you do, your children can find you both enjoying the gutter. Great example for them haw?

Shouldn't they have AT LEAST ONE parent that isnt morally bankrupt?
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:34 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

You lose the moral high ground if you have a fling, even with her permission.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:41 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: CheatEE has been given green light to be a CheatER

If you cheat (and that's what it'll be), she's off the hook. Is that what she wants?
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