Two Saturday's ago, she was drunk, and he kissed her, they suppsoedly made out, then she pushed him off saying it was wrong.
This last week, we were out of town. And they texted back and forth a lot, and she said he asked for pictures from her.
She said she was confused but was seeking attention. She sent him a lot of pictures.
And they have been texting back and forth every sense, a lot of texts. Two nights ago, having my radar going off, I grabbed her phone and cornered her into telling me what was going on.
She wouldn't give any details till I had to basically interrogated them out of her. I felt like I didnt get an answer till I asked the question.
Basically, I was referred here from Reddit, I wanted to one, try and recover the text messages, she has an iphone 4s. And two, I want to get advice in here.
Just to be clear as well. I tried recovering from itunes, but she hasnt synced this last week.
Also, I'm not sure why I want to see the texts, but it feels like I need verification of everything she said, because its hard to believe anything she says right now. I mean, on one hand I believe her, but maybe I am being too trusting, and she is telling me what I want to hear.
Of course you want to believe her...she's your wife. However, that is the tough part - she wasn't acting like your wife in the least bit when she was "making out" with a guy. If you've read some of the threads around here, and I hate to be the one to say this, but "making out" is usually code for some kind of sexual activity whether oral or full blown sex.
Also, you need to understand some of the other language of infidelity. "He kissed her" usually means she wanted it just as badly but doesn't want to admit it - especially in a drunk state. "She pushed him off saying it was wrong" usually means they finished what they were doing and she felt guilty. Otherwise...she would not have afterwards sent so many texts and pics. Period.
As for needing to see the texts...well, you don't really need to see them. What you need is for your wife to tell you exactly what she said and what the pics exactly showed. I promise you this, man: Be prepared for her to trickle truth you to death on this stuff. Unless she truly feels remorse for what she did, and by your description that doesn't appear to be the case, then you may never get the truth...you'll get the "truth".
Problem number one: your wife is going out getting drunk without you. She's obviously going out to single places and getting drunk and meeting guys. That isn't something a married person should be doing.
Also they has sex. Two adults don't go kissy face together for too long before the clothes come off. It was at least oral sex or hand jobs.
The fact that she willingly took tons of nude photos and sent them to him shows that she has no problems at all being naked for him, that means she's been naked in person with him, and intended to be again,
As for you wife and the OM.
Contact with him is over for her forever.
You however need to find his wife and tell her. Do not warn your wife that you may of it. Just find her and tell her that your wife and her husband have been having an affair.
I actually suggest you do tell your wife's friends. They might already know because she's likely told some of them. She's likely trash talked about you to them, and your wife needs to be held accountable for her choice to cheat,
Also understand that your wife didn't stop her cheating willingly and she right now has no remorse. She got caught and her only interest right now s saving herself, protecting her OM, and if she can arrange it, eventually containing the affair.
You cannot trust her to tell you the truth about anything for a long time.
Expect that she will try to contact the OM again, either through another channel like FB or another phone.
Exocet that she will continue to deny sex.
Demand she takes a polygraph, they cost a couple hundred and are easy to find locally, do a google search for polygraph and your city.
It's very obvious you wife's pan is to sweep the while thing under the rug and move on.
Let me tell you what will happen if you do that.
1. The same reasons your wife chose to cheat will still exist unchanged.
2. She will learn from how you caught her and will be smarter next time.
3. She will view you as weak and not worthy of her respect or love. You need to hold her accountable and face consequences, including people knowing that she cheated.
4. She will cheat again.
I am not saying for you to humiliate or get vengeance on her. I sm however telling you that you must hod her accountable.
She must give you forever full access to her passwords. You can and will be able to see everything she is doing and saying. No secrets. Married couples should not have secrets from one another. Privacy is closing the door on the bathroom, not the freedom to have secret relationships that you spouse is excluded from.
She must take a polygraph.
She must go to counseling.
She must stop drinking without you there and she no longer gets to go out partying and going to bars without you.
She has to earn back the privilege of being your wife..
She must come clench to her friends with you present to hear it.she needs to take full ownership of her choice to chest and the consequences that come with it.
Scared of what? Finding out how deep the rabbit hole goes?! Dude, you need to snap out of this and simply hold your wife's feet to the fire on this. No one and I mean NO ONE is gonna have more answers than she. Also, there's no reason to talk to the other guy. What are ya gonna say? More importantly, do you honestly think HE would tell YOU the truth?! Forget it.