docj

yes i do. we have done it once before. Thank you.

LOVETAKESWORK

DOCJ, Dear little brother, I appreciate your honesty but from my experience this is not a Christian Website, and you should not expect Christian advice here, I truly believe there are some very dear people posting here, and some good advise given, but not all advise is wise nor healthy, you need to be careful and use some common sence when viewing and certainly applying anything you read here. There are Christian Boards and you should seek them out if you find this type of forum therapeutic. First your wife and you need to make some choices 1. Do you each want this marriage? 2. Are you willing to do what is required for a fulfilling Marriage? 3. Do you want to Our Heavenly Father to intercede in your lives and transform your failing marriage into a glorious marriage? If your answer is yes to these questions, then first put all this nonsense of “swapping” behind you both, recognize that is was wrong and not healthy or beneficial to your marriage, repent and put it behind you. Cut all communications with people you both had contact with for this purpose. Change your telephone numbers, your e-mails, and if you rent move. If you like the church you attend, I highly recommend not sharing this with anyone there, having been a Christian for many years and a part-time pastor I have learned that Christians can be weak and are given to gossip. If your Pastor is very seasoned, and proven himself to be a wise man of God and you truly believe you can trust him and that he is able to minister to you two then yes seek out his help. If not seek out the assistance of a Christian counselor for you two. You both need to get to the bottom of what caused this desire to seek partners outside your marriage covenant. Our Lord is able to do all things, I have seen him transform couples on the brink of divorce to the most loving couples, my dear wife and I are testimony to this as we went through very hard times and almost divorces many years ago, and the Lord didn’t just save us from divorce, but gave us new love, a new marriage, and a new life beyond belief. What did it take on my wife and my part? A choice to trust the Lord, patience to see His promises realized, a great deal of time and relationship work. I recommend each of you seeking out a mentor each within your church or group of Christian friends ideally an proven elder would be best one that has a good reputation for wisdom, love, and integrity. I want to close with a scripture verse that has changed my life: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…” I am sure you know this verse, it is the love verse and recited at many weddings, it is found in I Corinthians 13 Verses 4-8. This is the kind of love we need to give and it is the best love to receive. It takes our Lord to transform our hearts so that they can love like this. I challenge your wife and you to pursue this kind of love as it is the key to true happiness not just for your marriage but all relationships in your life. Please do not hesitate to private message me for further counsel and assistance. Praying for your success! Love In Christ LoveTakesWork (a/k/a a sinner on the journey we call life fully dependent on God’s Love and Support)

michzz

You can find decent advice here. But I agree, it is not a Christian website.

That said, you can find it within yourself to act decently to each other going forward. But you need intervention by professionals.

I recommend that you seek counseling for your marriage. Both you and your wife.

It could be christian-based. But it doesn't have to be.

It is kind of simplistic of you to blame your troubles on the devil.

Reflect on your behavior, your wife's behavior, read up on marriage. Remember your vows.

Seek professional marriage counseling. You two need it.

GAsoccerman

smgmtman

I dunno did not ruin our relationship, and when home did not pursue it again quite happy couple here.

That was eon's ago.

JDPreacher

WTF did you just say?

humpty dumpty

Ok im sure some people enjoy swapping partners ... you have learnt it so very easily can destroy every thing you had !!
I cant imagin making love/sex with anyone else apart from my husband .
you have made a choice now you need to know if you can fix it or even if you want to!! does she ? TALK to her

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aj420

Well, obviously you two had some issues before deciding to swap. Swapping to add some excitement usually doesn't work. It definitely won't help a broken marriage. I think that it can only make things worse in that situation.

I had a swapping experience you could say. It was more like a threesome. It was with my ex that I was with before I got married. We were not married. We were together for 3 1/2 yrs. We had a very sex based relationship and we were always into to trying new things. I think the alcohol use probably aided in our choice to experiment. We had talked about things for a while before we decided to go through with it. We set limitations on what we were both comfortable with. His friend was over drinking one night and we decided to make it happen. I seduced his friend and took him to our bedroom and my ex came in to watch and join in. There was no touching between the guys. Just me with the both of them.

I must say it was a fun experience. We did it a couple more times with that friend and a couple of times with a different friend of his. I wasn't in love with my ex so it didn't effect me that bad emotionally, but it did make me wonder why he would want me to be with another man. How could he really say that he loved me if he wanted to see be get banged by another dude? Like I said, we did have a relationship based on sex, but of course you start to love someone when you have lived with them for 3 yrs.

I think that if you don't have intense love and are in love with the person your with then it is easier to be with other people sexually. It's just sex. Now I'm married to a wonderful man and I could never imagine doing the things I used to do with him. Almost every time we have sex we make love. It's intense emotion that is expressed through us during sex. It is amazing. I guess because we are so in love. I never had that with my ex maybe one time in our whole 3 1/2 yrs together, every other time it was just sex. I think when you have the passion, emotion, love, and connection in the equation it makes it pretty impossible to want to be with anyone else. There is no need to because you already have all that you could ask for and more.

So basically I think it can be a good experience unless you have a intensely passionate and romantic relationship with someone. Being married and swinging is one I don't quite understand because I wouldn't marry someone unless I have this connection I've been talking about and I only want to be with that person and no one else. Isn't that what marriage is, committing yourself to one person that you want to spend your life with. If you don't want the ultimate commitment then don't get married. People have great relationships without being married.

Well I hope that you and your wife figure out what is best for the both of you. It sounds like you love each other but have lost your way on your journey together. Try councling. See if it helps. If not move on.

Wish the best to you

AJ

Rhea

I apologise for hurting your feelings. I don't mean you aren't Christian or never could be, I'm not trying to take it away from you. Yes we're all sinners. One of the basic facts in accepting Christ is accepting the fact that we ARE sinners. Again let me apologise for questioning your faith.

Although we do all sin, yes remove it from the situation. It really doesn't matter on this board truely. Your sins and how you've repented for them are between you and your God.

As far as you and your wife are concerned, religion aside, do get some counseling, if you're more comfortable going to a Christian counselor do so. If it doesn't make here nor there to you then do some research and find someone highly recommended and go from there. Counseling highly recommended or not is about comfort too. You must feel comfortable w/your counselor in order for it to work. But do get some. I can tell you love your wife and want w/all your heart to fix it. Please don't feel attacked I'm sorry if I'm one of those whom placed those feelings on you.

Hope you're well.
Rhea

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