My wifey and I have been discussing swapping. We did it once with a couple and another time she did it with this guy.
Now the 2 nd guy, she is the one who said she wanted to do it with him and even told him so. I encouraged her to do it.
Now she feels guilty, and cheap.
She says the other guy also feels bad and is not interested in doing it again as he feels guilty( he doesnt know that i know).
He doesnt even call her anymore.
She too says she feels guilty. She blames me.
She doesnt want to have sex with me again or even have any form of intimacy. Im a Christian and i know it was wrong. THE dEVIL IS A LIAR.
How do we recover?
She has said its okay if i go have sex with someone else or get a separation.
Her answers to :
Do you want to separate? I dont know
Do you want to remain married? I dont know
Do you want to seek counselling? I dont know
Do you want to pray about it ( and shes a Christian) is go pray by yourself.
So i asked why she is still wearing her wedding rings her answer was " cause im married."
So im confused. Please help. I want to make it work.
I dont want another woman, even for sex.
I know what I would do. I would tell her, I don't plan to stay in a celibate marriage, so let's split.
It's obvious she is feeling guilty for having had such a good time, and for having all those naughty but delicious thoughts. She is putting it all onto you as a way of diminishing her guilt.
What was your sex life like before you started swapping?
our sex life before was poor. maybe once a month or twice a month.
She says that on time sex wasnt even good cause it was too short. I was in the hse when they did it, i was in our room, it was less than 5 minutes. The guy she says was nervous n did it like a rabbit.
She also says he felt guilty n is not interested in doing it again. They dont even talk.
It has nothing to do with Swapping and what has happened in your marriage.
You both made a Concious decision to do this swapping, The Devil had nothing to do with it, take responsibility of your own actions and your wife needs to take responsibility of hers, Using the Devil and Christianity is an excuse, this has to do with free Will.
We can try and help you out, but you need to understand you both drove down this road together, you both need to fix it.
That is what you want right? When your done fixing it, your religion will always be there for you.
Anyway...pretty stupid thing to do huh...encouraging your wife to have sex with another man...and then wonder why things are bad?
Oh where is that crippled guy in a wheelchair with the genius IQ when you need him to help you figure things out. Maybe call Stevie Wonder too so someone can see what's going on here...
Alas, enough of the irony here...I digress...might just give up now...maybe find a zombie, see if he'll share some brain...
Wait, I guess I should offer some advice...she blames you because you encouraged her to go have sex with the second guy...and I'm sure there are a number of emotions she is dealing with right now, guilt aside...she could be wondering why you would want her to do such a thing...
This probably could be saved if you both worked at it hard enough, she sounds a little depressed...might want to step back, breathe and then sit down and talk about what happened, why and what you want to do about it...either you want to salvage the marriage or you want to give up.
If you want to salvage the marraige, then no more swapping, swinging or cheating...write down what you think needs to happen to save the marriage and then work on doing so...
If you don't want to...then make up and exit plan and end this.
Anyway Doc, seems like you both had marital issues before the swapping...Some couples try the lifestyle for the wrong reasons. Couples that are trying to "add a spark" usually fail and end up in divorce.
The couples that can handle the lifestyle usually are really open and extremely sexual, which is like daily.
Seems you had issues and this was really a BAD IDEA. Wish you guys had done some research before taking the plunge. Honestly my wife and I thought about it, thought it would be fun, even went to a club, then we decided that was not for us, we didn't want to touch anyone else, so we left and been happy since. It was a unique experience, but our marriage mattered more to us, then a good time.
What can you do to repair it....well sit down with your wife...Tell her how you honestly feel. Tell her you want to work it out, to give it time. You both need to let go of the past and move on. No more swinging, no more threesomes, no individual meetings. Don't cash in on the "I get 1 time with another" thingy.
Tell her you want to work on you BOTH, go on dates, make it romantic, don't discuss the past, tell her it was a bad idea and that you want to reconnect with her, that you love her and truly want to be with just her.
Get some marriage counseling, you both need it. The swinger lifestyle is not for you, and not for 95% of people. 5% can handle it, let them have their fun, but for you, it's just you two and you need to reconnect. It will take time and honesty
You can't claim to be a devout christian and engage in sex outside your marriage. Why oh why people think this is a good idea I have no clue. Go to councelling on your own. Sounds like you need it or talk to your pastor on your own. At this point you can't make your wife think or do anything. She will deal with what happened on her own. Wether that's to move to resolve these problems and get past it or to seek separation and divorce. Anyone else who is reading this post who wants to engage in this "lifestyle" needs to use this as an example and think twice.
i wont take out the Christianity, why should I?
Im a Christian.
Mmmm...nope. No no no Why in the hell if you are such a devout Christian would you EVER suggest your wife sleep w/someone OTHER than YOU?!?!?!
"Thou shall NOT commit adultry"....correct me if I'm wrong. BUT adultry is sleeping with someone OUTSIDE your marriage. Agreed to or not.
"You shall not covet they neighbor's wife, the girl down the street, the hooker on the corner, the hot piece of a$$ at your office, the girl your wife says it's ok to or otherwise...." (oh and you're wife shouldn't covet any of the above (replaced with the word man of course either)
Well my wife and him dont talk anymore. But he has invited several people( ncluding her) to a music talent show that he is participating in, in his city out of state 6 hrs away.
Dunno if i should be comfortable with her going.
And for those yelling at me for doing so yet im a Christian i just have one thing ot say. EVEN CHRISTIANS FALL. Doesnt mean that i will never sin cause i am a Christian. I am a Christian not CHRIST.
I know we did wrong, and im looking for ways to repair my marriage without the lectures on how can i do such a thing if im a Christian. I know i sinned and God does and i have asked for forgiveness.
But i dont know if i should feel comfortable with her going out of state for this takent show that he has invited several several people. She says she isnt interested in him anymore an dthat he isnt interested in her. But what if sparks fly? I dont see any form of communication between them.
Swapping has ruined my marriage helppppppp
Why in the hell if you are such a devout Christian would you EVER suggest your wife sleep w/someone OTHER than YOU?!?!?! 
