When the OW will not go away
last weekend my H went hunting and the next morning he woke up sick, fever, chills, etc. anyway i had to go pick up our children from my mothers house and while i was waiting for them to get their things together i was looking on my FB and noticed he has posted that he was sick and wanted it to go away, when i started to write a comment there was a comment from a woman he works with asking if he had the flu, while typing my comment i got a phone call and was kicked off the site, so when i returned to his post not even 5 min later her comment was gone, that made me suspicous. so i looked up her profile and seen that she works with him, and it had her phone number listed in her contact info. i wrote it down and decided i needed to look into it more. i asked him when i got home who she was he told me it was just a woman at his work who was friends with his boss. the next day when i got to work i looked up our phone bill online, and there it was 68 phone calls between them this month alone. any where from 30 minutes to an hour and always on his commute to and from work. (he has an hour drive) so when i got home the next morning i checked it again, they had three more phone calls that morning before work, after he called me. i called him and asked if he would call and make sure i was up early because i had some things to do, of course he asked what it was and i wouldnt tell him. he kept on and on asking and i repeated everytime i just have some things to do you will find out later. i went to sleep (i work third shift) and a few hours later i woke up to him coming in our room, he had left work early, said he felt worse and was running a fever, so i went back to sleep and he woke me up at the time i requested. again he asked what i was going to do and i told him i couldnt do it now cause he was home. boy was he paranoid. i got out my computer and told him my phone was acting up and i was going to log on to the website to see if they had anything posted about it before i called into IT, (which was the truth but had other agendas in mind also) when i got logged on, i pulled up the troubleshooting page and found nothing which i told him, then i pulled up our usage page, i asked him who he was talking to so much in this certain town and read off the phone number, of course he told me it was his boss, lie #1, so i played it off and said they needed to pay our phone bill if he was going to use it for work all the time. from that moment on it was I love you baby and your the greatest wife, blah blah blah. later in the afternoon he gave me a big hug and said "dont ever leave me, im sorry for being an a$$hole" so i told him not to give me a reason to leave him and i wouldnt and asked when he had been an a$$, he said i had been acting wierd the last couple of days and thought it was because of him. going against my better judgement i told him i knew it wasnt his boss he was talking to and wanted to know why he lied to me and asked what was going on... gues what they are just friends, nothing is going on, he can talk to her about things he cant talk to me about, and he lied because he knew i knew who it was already. i didnt see the big S on my head but i guess he saw it cause he thought i was stupid. i did not blow up, i did not loose my cool, because we have been down this road before but last time i just forgave him, took his word it wouldnt happen again and now here we are again a year later. i let him say what he wanted, i listened, and then i didnt bring it back up. when something is important i have to write him a letter or send him an email so he will read it, see it, and understand it vs. me talking and him not hearing what i am saying. that night at work, on my lunch break, i wrote out his email, i told him that i was not a perfect wife but i deserved better, i told him to look at it from my view point and ask himself if it was me talking to another man that much would he see it as just a friendship, i said i was over it, and i wanted him to think about our marriage until this weekend and ask himself why he had to go to another woman for emotional support instead of coming to me, i then copied an article about EA's that i found on line and told him this weekend i wanted everything laid out on the table, the raw naked truth about everything and i would tell him then if i wanted to stay and work things out or if i was leaving. then i proceeded to send an email to her asking what was so important that my husband was exchaning 68 phone calls with her. (im sorry this is so long) that morning's phone call was so different, he knew i meant business because the D word has never been spoken in our marriage. he said he was sorry, he didnt know why he couldnt talk to me about things and that he did cross the line, i stopped him and said we would discuss everything this weekend. that morning she replied to my email saying they were just friends, they just vented to each other, her husbad cheated on her and she would never do that to anyone, and if i wanted to talk to her i could call her. fast forward to yesterday, my H came home and said we needed to talk, we went into our room to get away from the kids, he sat me down and said he couldnt wait until this weekend we needed to talk then, i have never seen my husband cry before yesterday, he told me he was so sorry, he did not see what he was doing as cheating until yesterday when he spoke to his dad (a rev.) he said he sent her an email saying their friendship was causing problems in his marriage and that he could not talk to her anymore, he told her the only contact they needed to have was to be work related but all emails needed to have his boss included on them, if it required a meeting someone else needed to be present, and nothing more. he showed me the email (which he had his boss included on) and her response which was im sorry to loose a friend but i understand. he said he wanted us to go to counseling because the kids and i were his world and he didnt want to loose us, he would do anything to keep our family together. i told him he didnt need to have any contact with her period outside of business related issues (which there is no way to avoid) and he agreed. He got on his fb account, deleted and blocked her, deleted her number from his phone, and said whatever it took he would do. do i believe him, yes, do i trust him, not on his life, and i havent decided if i am going to stay or not. but here is the kicker, tonight i get an email from the OW which read " i told you we were just friends nothing more. hacking his fb, deleting and blocking me served zero purpose other than to piss him off at you. all it did was show him that you dont trust what he sais or what he does. we work together. we are going to have contact, if for no other reason that for work related issues. fb is inconsequential. im sure you didnt want it, but there's my two cents." so that makes it obvious to me that this was in fact an EA because if after he told her he could not have anymore contact with her and he deleted her on his fb, a. why would that piss her off as much as it did and B. why would she think i did it. i did reply back to her, stating it was not me that deleted her, and so so much more, so after all of this, here is my question, i know this will not be the last of her, apparently their "friendship"/EA ment more to her than it did him or she wouldnt have a problem with this. i have thought about it and i am giving our marriage three months, counseling is a must, honesty is a must, faithfulness is always a must, and one just one mistake will end it all, so how do we get her to go away and leave us alone. i am only willing to try because of our kids, if we can get through this and have a stronger marriage hey good for us, if it doesnt work out, at least we can tell them we tried. but she has no dog in this race and needs to step aside. any thoughts or advice is appreciated.