I really messed up badly
My wife and I have been married for 13 years, and known each other for a total of 15 years. We are were the best of friends, total soul mates.
Last year I developed a deep depression and self medicated with illegal substances. Over time, this led to me reading ads on Craigslist from women and then progressing to chatting with them, and eventually meeting with them.
Over the course of a year I met and had sex with 5 different women. My wife found out about the drug use, and then a few weeks later about the infidelity. I honestly don't know why I did what I did, except to say that I have come to realize I have a sex addiction.
After the discovery, I was asked to leave the house and I did. I went to a sex addiction rehab facility for 2 weeks and upon my return have committed to seeing a counselor myself 2 times a week, a psychiatrist once a month, and I go to various 12 step programs every single day.
To compound things, my wife and I own our own business and therefore work together and see each other every single day.
It has been 2 months since the discovery, and since I have dedicated myself to changing my behaviors and her anger towards me seems to multiply daily. She even stated that her counselor thought it strange that after 60 days she hasn't had any decrease in anger.
She refuses to talk to me about the affairs, and instead will say something that is insulting and then walks away. I do nothing but agree with her. I am at the house every single day to help with the kids and I make her bed, do the dishes, cook the dinners, cleanup the house and do 100 other things so she can go to the gym or out with friends, etc. When she gets home I leave and go back to my apartment.
The other day I was sitting next to her at an event and my elbow grazed up against her arm and she pulled it away and told me to not touch her, ever. She states she is going to file for divorce in the beginning of the year.
I am so remorseful for what I did, and I think getting a divorce gives me an easy out. I don't have to prove myself to her. I want to stay married and work every single day to show her how much I love her and care. But she is still so angry that I can't see her ever coming around.