Another kick to the gut
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Another kick to the gut

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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  • 1 Post By Dollystanford
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Old 12-02-2012, 03:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Another kick to the gut

Finally accessing my anger. All this while I thought there was hope for us to repair our marriage. He left me, gave me ILYBINILWY, found out on Monday he was cheating on me. He called and admitted. Did not apologise to me although he was sorry I found out the way I did, I suppose that is code for I'm sorry you found out.

Anyway, yesterday I noticed he was on Facebook. thought maybe he was FB stalking. Went on today and he has removed his married and put in a relationship, and has added his posOW as a friend. Oh and her birthdays the same as his, how adorable is that??

Called my SIL who has been my rock, and after crying down the phone, finally tuned into my anger. I've gone on his page, wrote : good luck with your relationship, I hope it's everything you wanted. I can see you don't want to work on our marriage so I will stop bothering you now and will be blocking you now.

I also told SIL not to tell him that I'm sad or upset but that I'm moving on and happy. I refuse to let him see me upset. Omg I am such a fool. Because I thought he was going through a MLC/breakdown I've withheld my anger and supported his pathetic ass. Oh I am so effin done now. I'm going to hold my head high even if he isn't. What a nasty piece of sh&t. I don't know why he did it unless to wind me up and kick me in the gut one more time for good measure.
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Old 12-02-2012, 04:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Another kick to the gut

I don't know where you live or what the divorce laws are there but make his life miserable in court. Cost him so much in legal fees and court costs that the posOW will dump him because he has no money.
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Old 12-02-2012, 04:21 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Another kick to the gut

I suppose she is not married.

Do you have children?

It sounds like you are doing what you need to do. Anger can be a good thing when used the right way.

I agree. File for divorce. You can make it painful. Just do not lose your self respect in the revenge. But get what is rightfully yours.
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Old 12-02-2012, 04:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Another kick to the gut

I don't know anything about her. I dont knowif she is married. Saw her pic that's all. They're both in Ireland. He's a drinker and so is she. Met in a bar, it must be true love!

I'm in the uk, no children. We did fertility treatment years ago, it didn't work out. He didn't seem to upset. I was devastated of course.


I can't file for divorce because I haven't a penny. He racked up debts on my credit card and two loans all in my name because he had bad credit at the time. Nice eh? I haven't worked since 2005, have been studying at uni but had to drop out this year due to lack of finances. I have no income, put my last 60 into the car for petrol. We rent a house, expensive too because he wa doingso well at the time. I hope he'said the rent this month but I rather doubt he has. No doubt wining and dining his w****.
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Old 12-02-2012, 04:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Another kick to the gut

Can you file for bankruptcy?

Is the debt considered to be only yours since it's in your name? Or is there the concept of community debt and property?

I wonder if you could file for divorce w/o a lawyer?

Just don't know much about the legal system in the UK and Ireland.

I do know that in many states here in the USA he could continue to pile up debt in your name but would be responsible for it. Plus if you filed he would have to pay you interim spousal support until the divorce is final and maybe even afterwards.

Plus you could ask the court to have him pay your legal fees.

CAn you get a legal separation at least so that you have no obligation to him?
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Old 12-02-2012, 04:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Another kick to the gut

delete him from your FB - it was the best thing I ever did
when my ex changed his status and put pictures up of him and his new 'girl'friend and started spouting off about finding his soulmate I stayed totally silent, why give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothered me?

have you got someone else you can stay with?
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Old 12-02-2012, 05:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Another kick to the gut

No Dolly I don't. My SIL's relationship is on the rocks and they live in a tiny terrace and her bf is an ogre. I'm ok. He defriended me before I could but it doesn't matter because I don't have that in my face now, thankfully. I'm off to bed now, will go to the dr tomorrow and see if they can give me something to help. I'm on a low dose anti dep, and it's not doing much for me. Im pro-meds!
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Old 12-02-2012, 05:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Another kick to the gut

I'm also finding my inner b*tch, getting angry is much better than misery, although I've still got a touch of that too. Tempted to go sell his strat on eBay now. LOL
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Old 12-02-2012, 05:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm also finding my inner b*tch, getting angry is much better than misery, although I've still got a touch of that too. Tempted to go sell his strat on eBay now. LOL
Well let's see, he drove up your debt. He left you penniless. Id say that you have every right to sell anything of his so that you can live and pay off the debt he drove up.

Go for it. Hope it sells for a LOT.
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Old 12-02-2012, 10:42 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Another kick to the gut

Sorry Chopsy.

That B***ard should have consequences for what he has done to you.

Find out a quick job, and start your own life.

Sorry for your predicaments. Things, will hopefully get better, quickly.
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Old 12-02-2012, 11:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Another kick to the gut

Chopsy.. I'm so sorry to read this.

He has shown you so little in the way of care & compassion... that if were you I would sell every treasure, every bit of clothing, every book, CD, everything of his... to pay your bills.

He doesn't deserve any kindness from you.

You need to look out for yourself...
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