However, I did not cheat with her. Not even a kiss.
Complete delusion. You don't get it, at. all. You don't have to physicaly cheat to cheat. It's not more than a (false) mental boundaire you choose because you refuse to be acountable. Not far different than Clinton defense. Think about your mother doing it at your father's back.
If you find out your wife was dating a secret friend (OM), doing the things you did with him, thinking on him the way you think of OW, feeling what you feel while with OW, the anticipation... imagine you read your wife's journal describing OM-secret friend with the terms you described here OW. Do it.
I highly encourage you to write down your story with OW
with all the details and the emotions, then simply change the names, the genders, the characters
, then, get the photo album and look at her, close you eyes, play the movie.... and start throwing up.
Is one time no strings attached sex considered an affair? Cheating yes. I would make the distinction between the two. Not saying any are right.
You "relationship" with OW (EA) fits more the popular notion about what an "affair" is (always sounds too glamurous to me) than NSA sex. You know what? It's cheating, it's complete betrayal, it's crossing marital boundaries. Just different flawors.
You are not "reading" what you don't want to read becasue it fits your previous beliefs which obviously ease any guilty feelings you "should" feel.
Many, many marriages end because what you had with OW (better start thinking on her as such). Ask to any family lawyer.
My now ex-friend was very precocious, funny, outgoing, attentive, passionate when talking to me,etc.
What kind of single woman behave this way with a married man? Would you like you daughter behave this way, being the dirty secret of a married man, the source who fill this man emotional needs on his wife's back?
The infatuation is so obvious. OW is idealized to the extreme while ignoring the huge flaw.