Did what needed to be done...or did I need?!?! need advice ASAP - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-03-2012, 04:55 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2
Did what needed to be done...or did I need?!?! need advice ASAP

long story short... relationship 21 yrs off & On;
M 8 1/2 yrs;
DD 11/4/12; suspected for 3 mths;
numerous affairs for 21 yrs; found out recent one by reading text after questioning for months - responses...crazy, insane, stupid, ****ed up!! Narcissism infidelity, verbal abuse, addicition.
WS blaming A's on BS to drinking/substance abuse, refuses to admit his enabling as reason to keep me occupied. BS believed WS, started to do what I needed too to fix me, so I could save M. However, it wasn't that. Responses, blame, verbal abuse, walking away, laughing, ridicule, etc..when he is at home, he started expecting & putting down for not fulfilling wifely duties (cleaning, laundry, cooking, sex, etc.) however, WS made clear he was done with me. No chance of reconciling or fighting for us after 21 yrs. I allowed the sex games, coming & going, put downs bc that is what I thought I needed to get through until I was done with him, or I was ready to end. We just reconciled in 3/12. I felt worse but hunger for him. I would and wanted to save my marriage at whatever my cost including my health (lost 15 lbs). Play house & have sex every time stays w me at least one x a day. I finally let GF hear us have sex today & talked to her. He asked why? why now? 4 weeks later cuz I now agree its over. Every other time I played payback game & founght for what was mine & dirty. This time just allowed it cuz I was blind sided and I couldn't stop mind games on my own! He played house with me which was comforting when he was home but came & left as he chose. It tore me up every time he left...no respect, using me, & expecting it. I hate myself for hurting him today & didn't want it to come to this but I had to do what was necessary to end the games. When I talked to her I didn't want to now destails but she did say he told her he slept in game room & that we had been discussing dicovrce for months. Not once would he mention divorce, we have 2 spare bedrooms ( cuz my daughter moved out cuz she cant stand him), he had refused to sleep in spare room cuz he belonged with me, I brought up divorce he stated no, I said open marriage he stated no way, I said if you moved on it is only right I do, he stated never! Why do I feel like this? I didn't want this...really, wanted to let him know I was only allowing this while I needed it! Help...never been alone (kids 17 & 18, dog fed up), desperate, scared, played out,wishing I had never found text to begin with or let her hear us or spoke to her?!? How ****ed up is this? anyone understand?
know I left out a lot of important details so pls feel to ask just emotional & wanting to curl up & cry! He sleeping on couch which is where he belongs esp since I ruined his new affair but not understanding why it bothers me? I am human but he didn't care about me, my feelings, closure, helping, supporting me...only tore me down for his personal pleasure!
also wo car, stuck in house about to be evicted from, as he lives his life back n forth. Honestly, beleive he let his 17 yr old son & myself get in this situation so he had a guaranteed out, and he won again?!

I honestly feel crazy right now & want to give him the bed...feel bad for hurting him. It had to be done. I have read the 180 & applied it every day but just wanted it all out instead of allowing him to have best of both worlds & throw it in my face! I feel completely insecure, needy, helpless & more hopeless!! Sick from worrying
Posted via Mobile Device
sebg is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-03-2012, 05:09 AM
old timer's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 771
Re: Did what needed to be done...or did I need?!?! need advice ASAP

Glad you found TAM and have the opportunity to vent.
Others will be along soon who can help.

"It's only kinky the first time"

"My wife said she wants to shoot my azz"..."You are a worthy target" replied my friend.
old timer is offline  
post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-03-2012, 05:14 PM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Southwest US
Posts: 1,164
Re: Did what needed to be done...or did I need?!?! need advice ASAP

Why are you letting him call any of the shots? File for separation, have him leave the house.
TCSRedhead is offline  
post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-03-2012, 05:19 PM
CH's Avatar
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,625
Re: Did what needed to be done...or did I need?!?! need advice ASAP

You're an emotional wreck right now. You've got to break free of him and start to see him for what he is.
CH is online now  
post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 12:01 AM
AngryandUsed's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: In myself.
Posts: 1,303
Re: Did what needed to be done...or did I need?!?! need advice ASAP

Sorry. A bad situation for you.

Take time off from him. Clear your head. IC.
AngryandUsed is offline  
post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 09:16 AM
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 191
Re: Did what needed to be done...or did I need?!?! need advice ASAP

Please contact a counsellor and get help immediately. Sounds like you are suffering from battered wife syndrome which can be caused from psychological abuse.

The 180 is designed to help you detach. The 180 also means not talking to him and not having sex with him!!

You can not live the 180 if you are going things for him on a daily basis. You need to act like he doesn't exist!!! I don't think you've been following the 180 correctly.
Silverlining is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My insecurities RUINING my marriage..HONEST ADVSE NEEDED ASAP pinkprincess General Relationship Discussion 18 11-25-2014 09:41 AM
Advice needed asap BeenHurt Coping with Infidelity 11 09-28-2012 09:55 PM
Ok, I am ready to confront! Advice needed ASAP pleeeeease..... Remains Coping with Infidelity 76 09-07-2012 07:21 PM
need 180 advice asap!!! ilovemywife7 Going Through Divorce or Separation 18 05-09-2011 03:55 AM
Need Advice ASAP RoaringMB Coping with Infidelity 6 03-03-2010 10:15 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome