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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-06-2012, 09:53 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

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Originally Posted by t10eml View Post
I agree. But we aren't getting a divorce because of an affair, it's for other reasons. Since we've now firmly decided on a divorce, she's been acting completely evasive about what she plans to do after a separation which has aroused my suspicion and has my mind racing back to events such as this.
If you are divorcing, it really doesn't matter. For whatever reason, you two have decided to part ways. Move on with your life. Leave the past in the past.

Do you have children with her? If not, her post-divorce plans are none of your concern.
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:21 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

Use this: Free Cell Number Search | Spy Dialer

it will go straight to his voicemail and his phone will not ring.
plus it will call from the computer not your phone. So it is anonymous and you get to hear the outgoing recorded message.
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:35 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

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Use this: Free Cell Number Search | Spy Dialer

it will go straight to his voicemail and his phone will not ring.
plus it will call from the computer not your phone. So it is anonymous and you get to hear the outgoing recorded message.
Ok, I just tested this on wife's phone, and it never rang, but it left her a VM that has some comical sounding voice saying "ha ha ha you have been spy dialed. www. spydialer.com"

Still no way it could be traced back to your computer. but clearly not totally transparent.
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:46 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

^^Didn't do that on mine.

Just use a payphone and call that number. Ask for malcolm when answered and when they say its wrong number ask them who's number is this, I got it from bla bla regarding this and that. They should say at least the first name.
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Old 12-06-2012, 10:52 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

Woman will sometimes say weird things to their female friends.

We had one colleague who had enormous breasts. One day a female friend of hers came to hang out in the office with her and she said, loudly, "Hey, xxxx, how are your bad boys doing?" Pointing at her breasts.

xxxx jiggled them and said: "My bad boys are pretty good, thanks for asking!"

Oh. Damn. Just remembered. They had at least one sexual encounter ("just experimenting") so even if a female does send a message to another female it might still be of a sexual nature.
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Old 12-06-2012, 11:09 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I am a woman. My best friend is a woman. We joke about our boobs all the time, calling them the girls or the twins, especially if they are swollen up for whatever reason. We are as close as sisters. I would NEVER send her a text like that. It is definitely from a man and it is definitely sexual.
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Old 12-06-2012, 11:33 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Get Google Voice. Its a free number assigned to your gmail or google account. You can use any prefix in the US. You use your computer to call your cell then it dials the number you want to call and connects the two. You can also send texts from your computer and receive voice mails with retrieval from your computer. This is a common way for cheaters to communicate. It's anonymous
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Old 12-06-2012, 11:47 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

Quote:
Originally Posted by t10eml View Post
Since we've now firmly decided on a divorce, she's been acting completely evasive about what she plans to do after a separation which has aroused my suspicion and has my mind racing back to events such as this.
T10, all you're doing is chipping away at your own self esteem, you're inflicting damage to yourself, don't look any further, you "firmly decided on a divorce"; there is no you and her anymore, accept that. Don't become your own worst enemy, focus on yourself.

T
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Old 12-06-2012, 11:50 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

Maybe her friend sent her a text by accident. Who knows.

I sent my friend a text which was meant for my husband. It was at 6am and her husband was like, "Who is texting you at 6am about making love later tonight?!?" lolol Oops.
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Old 12-06-2012, 11:56 PM   #25 (permalink)
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T10, all you're doing is chipping away at your own self esteem, you're inflicting damage to yourself, don't look any further, you "firmly decided on a divorce"; there is no you and her anymore, accept that. Don't become your own worst enemy, focus on yourself.

T
Tony55, I appreciate that. BUT, you've got it the wrong way round. In a way, I actually WANT to believe she has had an affair.

We divorced under difficult circumstances (as most divorces do). If she has had or is having an affair, it would be like a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders (and my heart) as I do not have to live with the burden of guilt anymore for having ended this relationship.
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Old 12-06-2012, 11:58 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

Quote:
Originally Posted by t10eml View Post
I agree. But we aren't getting a divorce because of an affair, it's for other reasons. Since we've now firmly decided on a divorce, she's been acting completely evasive about what she plans to do after a separation which has aroused my suspicion and has my mind racing back to events such as this.
Which comes back to the original point. She is going to have friends, lovers and a sex life AFTER you. She is jumping the gun and blatantly disrespectful in that regard, but again, DIVORCE is saying to someone "I don't want to be with you" How much more disrespectful can you be?

Chalk it up to her character and say "Wow. You didn't waste any time."
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:11 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

JCD, please see the reason for this thread in my post above yours.
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Old 12-07-2012, 12:40 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

Yeah. I saw that after I posted. For whatever reason, you are the bad guy in the divorce.

If you want to feel better about yourself, go ahead and dig.

But here is the thing: you don't know WHEN she engaged in any hypothetical affair. Did she do it before you were the bad guy, or after you were getting a divorce?

If it's the later (and how can you prove that? I guess check phone records or hire a PI) than it's irrelevant. For whatever reason, you were the bad guy and she decided to rub your nose in it by finding your replacement tout de suite. If it's the former...does that really change the fact you were, in your own way, a bad guy? No. She is also a bad girl. That doesn't change you.

Heck, the text COULD be from a GF, just to get your panties in a bunch. Women sew. They use a needle to get under your skin. They poke DEEP.

Take the pain as penance and move on.


Edited to add: Okay, maybe you weren't the bad guy. But YOU pulled the trigger and now you want validation for your choice.

In that case, I would say this: Even without the 'proof' of an affair, you found your marital circumstances intolerable (if they were tolerable, you'd have stayed). So you are guilding the lily if you want more. Your rationals didn't chance. You just want to heap more on the scale which was already pointing straight at 'lose 135 pounds for your mental health.'
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Old 12-07-2012, 01:06 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

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Originally Posted by t10eml View Post
Tony55, I appreciate that. BUT, you've got it the wrong way round. In a way, I actually WANT to believe she has had an affair.

We divorced under difficult circumstances (as most divorces do). If she has had or is having an affair, it would be like a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders (and my heart) as I do not have to live with the burden of guilt anymore for having ended this relationship.
Ohhhhh, my bad! You're on a mission to uncover dirt.

Ok, don't mind me, Keep Calm and Carry On!

T
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Old 12-07-2012, 01:54 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: What do you think of this text message?

Man that was no chick !!! That was the MAIN reason you are getting a D, You just didn't know it.

You are just one of the ones who never caught on, so takes the blame.
BUT, the thing is, without you even knowing, you are still man enough to just say " I WON'T live like this ". So I'm walking.

I hope that relieves you of any guilt.
Also, now you know WHY she is so secretive about her plans.
Bet it won't be 3 months before she is seen with him.
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