Reading this forum has been eye-opening. So many people have had similar experiences, it's really freaking creepy. I've been reading a bit here, so bear with me. Here's my story:
About one month ago, my wife told me she wants a divorce. I was completely blindsided by it. We have two little boys together, ages 3 & 2.
Long story short, my WS explained that there were many things throughout our marriage that she's been unhappy with. She said that it is too late for another chance at the marriage. We both began seeing therapists individually, and a marriage counselor together. She would go back and forth with her feelings, whipping me around like a roller-coaster. She would tell me that she "doesn't know why she can't give me a second chance, but she can't". She would say that she "needs to work on herself and can't do it while she's with me."
Until I discovered this forum, I was of the opinion that the WS and I, with great effort, could make a better marriage for us both and for our children. She would simply repeat that "it is too late". We've only had two marriage counseling sessions so far, and at the end of the last one the therapist took us both aside individually. I don't know what she said to my WS, but she told me that "though she doesn't want to reconcile, do not give up, there's always a chance".
Then, I discovered evidence of her affair (with a _former_ friend of mine!) She had been insisting that their relationship was platonic, but began trickle-truthing me about things that have happened. She admitted that she's been lying to me about certain things (without elaborating on what) and that she does it (the lying) because she needs her privacy and I'm not a part of that aspect of her life. She insisted nothing physical has happened. I found a damning email from her to him stating otherwise.
I have not confronted her with the email evidence yet. She doesn't know that I am aware of her secret email account. I want to draw up the divorce papers and serve her with them, then possibly expose the affair to her friends and family after the fact.
However I'm not sure how to proceed. The WS has been beating me over the head with the threat of filing divorce papers for the entire time, which would usually result in me saying "just go do it then", which she wouldn't do. Then, the marriage counselor suggested that we postpone any action of that sort until after the holidays, so that we could get in 4-5 sessions of marriage counseling before any action is taken. This was all said before I discovered the PA however.
I never knew I could feel this much anger and pain. Please give me some advice, something, anything. I don't know what to do. I can't trust a single word she says. She even said that she "wished she could kill me" at one point, though she said she didn't mean it and profusely apologized for it later that night and again the next day.
What should I do??
About one month ago, my wife told me she wants a divorce. I was completely blindsided by it. We have two little boys together, ages 3 & 2.
Long story short, my WS explained that there were many things throughout our marriage that she's been unhappy with. She said that it is too late for another chance at the marriage. We both began seeing therapists individually, and a marriage counselor together. She would go back and forth with her feelings, whipping me around like a roller-coaster. She would tell me that she "doesn't know why she can't give me a second chance, but she can't". She would say that she "needs to work on herself and can't do it while she's with me."
Until I discovered this forum, I was of the opinion that the WS and I, with great effort, could make a better marriage for us both and for our children. She would simply repeat that "it is too late". We've only had two marriage counseling sessions so far, and at the end of the last one the therapist took us both aside individually. I don't know what she said to my WS, but she told me that "though she doesn't want to reconcile, do not give up, there's always a chance".
Then, I discovered evidence of her affair (with a _former_ friend of mine!) She had been insisting that their relationship was platonic, but began trickle-truthing me about things that have happened. She admitted that she's been lying to me about certain things (without elaborating on what) and that she does it (the lying) because she needs her privacy and I'm not a part of that aspect of her life. She insisted nothing physical has happened. I found a damning email from her to him stating otherwise.
I have not confronted her with the email evidence yet. She doesn't know that I am aware of her secret email account. I want to draw up the divorce papers and serve her with them, then possibly expose the affair to her friends and family after the fact.
However I'm not sure how to proceed. The WS has been beating me over the head with the threat of filing divorce papers for the entire time, which would usually result in me saying "just go do it then", which she wouldn't do. Then, the marriage counselor suggested that we postpone any action of that sort until after the holidays, so that we could get in 4-5 sessions of marriage counseling before any action is taken. This was all said before I discovered the PA however.
I never knew I could feel this much anger and pain. Please give me some advice, something, anything. I don't know what to do. I can't trust a single word she says. She even said that she "wished she could kill me" at one point, though she said she didn't mean it and profusely apologized for it later that night and again the next day.
What should I do??