Thanks for your reply......MC or IC?
P.s. How does anyone justify cheating
Both of you need marriage counseling and individual counseling. The betrayed spouse needs IC to process their grief and feelings of loss, and the Strayer needs counseling to understand what allowed them to cheat.
There really should be no way to justify cheating.
Still, human psychology being what it is there are all sorts of things that can enter into the picture....for example sex addictions, damage to frontal lobes due to head injury or stroke that may cause a loss of impulse control, compartmentalization, disassociation, certain types of personality disorders, early stages of dementia, etc.
Some of these issues can be addressed and fixed by therapy a few can't. Your therapist can tell you which ones can be helped with therapy.
Also, it's best for the straying spouse to understand through counseling that it is never the loyal spouses fault. Rationalizations will be made while in the affair or while in reconciliations. But if the straying spouse is in any way still blaming the loyal spouse, the straying spouse has not recovered fully from his escapade and his reasons for cheating will likely surface again.
There was no justification for my straying. None. If there were issues in the marriage, those should have been addressed and if therapy failed, a divorce could have been sought. Cheating takes the opportunity for the loyal spouse to know about or fix problems.
A loyal spouse can't fix a marriage if they don't know it's broken. When enlightened, if they don't work on the marriage, there is always the option to divorce.