Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Marietta, Georgia
Re: I don't know what to do
Ok first you need to calm yourself and remember this rule throughout all this. NEVER beg, plead, him to be faithful to vows. Any begging and pleading should be coming from his mouth after you go through this ringer.
Secondly you need to expose, far and wide. Family, friends, they need to be told.
See affairs are like fungus, they thrive in the dark and exposing brings it in the light. They'll be much less likely to continue the affair idly and in peace knowing everyone they know their dirty laundry, including their own parents and friends.
Thirdly, and you need to do this immediately and without telling your husband or the other woman.
Inform the other woman's husband.
You may think it won't do any good, but exposing to the OW's husband can help you shut down this affair. You think it'll be meaningless since they're just roommates, but if thats the case why is she still married to him? Most likely finances, she sees her meal ticket is filing for divorce she may drop your husband like a hot stone and try to do damage control. It has happened many times.
Lastly, your husband was talking about leaving you, just like that. Then lying to your face after you already saw the messages. This is very serious and a clear lack of respect for you and your intelligence since he thinks he can stonewall you with such flimsy lies.
You need kick him out, he wants to be with OM so much, let him, also file divorce or at least draft up some papers. You may get a bit anxious at the big D word being thrown around but don't be. Divorce is a long process, and can be halted at anytime through it, even just before the judge stamps the divorce papers.
You need to show him what kinda of woman you are, that you won't tolerate his bullsh!t. If you go soft and easy on him, he will only lose respect for you and continue his affair if not have another one some time in the future.
I'm truly sorry you are here, this is a place no one wants to wind up at, but if you read through the advice of those who have been through it, you will be able to apply some to your situation.