Re: I cheated and want to fix it...
Well, it sounds like your W is correct. This is escalating. It also sounds like a very old story.
You are driven to porn - this in and of itself is quite human and natural. Then, it goes a bit further to the personal experience, i.e., chat rooms. You get an itch that you need to scratch & you can't seem to help yourself. And then once you've scratched it, you're calmer and feel guilty because you love your wife. But then the itch starts again & you have to scratch it again & now you're making appointments with prostitutes.
You would have continued doing this if your wife hadn't caught you. Now she knows, though, so you are begging her to believe that it has nothing to do with her.
This strikes very hard at her, though. From her perspective, it has everything to do with her. From yours, you can go several ways:
- Split from your wife so that you can scratch the itch when you want without guilt.
- Beg your W to forgive you & when she lets you stay, you behave yourself until things calm down & then you scratch the itch again. This time, you cover your tracks much better. (She will probably find out again, though, and you will hurt her again.)
- Beg your W to forgive you & when she lets you stay, you go into therapy to learn how you can stop your behavior & not do something like this to hurt her again.
I would opt for the first or third option. If you stay with your W, you need therapy.