Husband forgives himself
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Husband forgives himself

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-10-2012, 10:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband forgives himself

We have been separated since August. He had a 3 year EA/PA that I discovered 3 years ago. It's been rocky ever since. I left this past August, his verbal abuse was over the top, he was telling me that I would be happy when he was dead, and calling me a hater, hateful, etc. Just nasty.

Anyway, we spoke tonight and he said if I wasn't returning soon he wants 50/50 custody of our 13 year old dd.

I asked him to continue to let me have her slightly more than he does. Our son and son's gf live with him full time. He said no, he wants dd half time.

I asked him if he has any compassion for me? For what he put me through. And would he not let me have dd a bit more due to my being lonely.

He said that Jesus forgives him, and he forgives himself. That he will no longer beat himself up for what he did to me.

This from a man who calls me a bad Christian for not coming back to the family home.
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Old 12-10-2012, 10:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband forgives himself

The difference between 40% and 50% is one day every 10 days. This is nonsense. He's fighting to fight.

When he starts bad mouthing you just end the conversation. Say "By I'm not listening to you beat me up." And hang up or leave depending of if you are on the phone or in person.
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Old 12-10-2012, 10:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband forgives himself

Yes, God forgives him (providing he actually asked for forgiveness for cheating on you and destroying the family). However, you are not required to go back to a cheater. The Bible even states that infidelity is grounds for divorce. He does realize this, right?
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Old 12-10-2012, 10:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband forgives himself

The Bible also states that if he committed adulty, divorces you and then enters into another relationship he continues to be an adulterer.

It also says that sex outside of marriage is a sin... fornication.

He cannot pick the parts of the religion that support him and throw out the rest.

The idea of forgiveness by God is that the person has to STOP their sin.
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Old 12-10-2012, 11:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband forgives himself

Is he a good father or a bad one?
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Old 12-10-2012, 11:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband forgives himself

My first wife cheated on me. We tried to reconcile and I caught her a little less than a year later at a bar with the guy.

I was talking to my priest (same guy who married us) at the time about how bad I felt and whatnot. He said one of the best priestly things ever. He said, "Dig, your wedding vows said for better or for worse. They didn't say you had to put up with that kind of bullsh-t though."

Point taken. I divorced her.
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Old 12-11-2012, 12:02 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband forgives himself

Take him to court as long as your records clean you will get over a 50/50 split.
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Old 12-11-2012, 09:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband forgives himself

At this point, who cares what he wants. Your dd is 13, her choice can carry a lot of weight, should it go to court.
I totally agree with the hanging up on him once he becomes abusive.

And as for him "forgiving himself" he doesn't seeem to remember, "The only One Who can forgive sin is the One Who is sinless." What a cherry picker
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Old 12-11-2012, 10:29 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband forgives himself

Why are you bargaining with him? That's for your lawyers later. Right now, things are as they are...whether he likes it or not. You have your daughter, he spends time with her. He's talking with you to stir up things, scare you, make you crazy. Ignore him. Don't answer his calls about foolishness. P.S. Your daughter wasn't placed in your life to fill your lonliness needs. Never tell him that again, btw. Your daughter has a life...invest your time and love in her. Make him walk up and down his byways and highways by himself on his own time. You have to make a choice not to go with him, set your boundaries. Time for you to tough up on him and love up on her. You need to ask yourself, "Ok, where did this conversation lead to and how did it make things better?" (usually nowhere and no better); then decide if it was a waste of your valuable time. Only you can decide if your time has value.

Last edited by Calibre12; 12-11-2012 at 10:40 AM.
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