How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree198Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12-10-2012, 11:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
staystrong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,835
Default How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment."

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."

Other posters..
What response would you give?
What examples do you have?
staystrong is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-11-2012, 05:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Citizen of the World
Posts: 934
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Of course the "I love you but I am not in love with you" line (when I discovered the EA, which was actually a PA).

"We had drifted apart."

"I matured into a confident woman" (from an email explaining why we drifted apart and where she retracted her confession of the PA, one day after I contacted the POSOM).

"We were doomed from the start" (this after 25 years of marriage).

One of my personal favourites: "When I came out of the washroom and saw you in bed, I almost threw up" (my wife, one week before separation coming out of the bathroom in our master bedroom). (Note: I had slept in the basement for a few days, but finally decided that it was BS for me to sleep on a couch so moved back into our bedroom). Her way of informing me, once again, that she was no longer attracted to me. Another one: "Even the way you blow your nose annoys me". And how about this one: "A women's vagina doesn't lie" (further explaining her lack of sexual attraction just before separation). Anyway - I suggested she go sleep on the floor in her office, which she did.

Oh, and for the golfers out there (my wife became an avid and very accomplished golfer because I introduced her to the game after getting married and it was a passion we shared together) - after the last round we played together (about 2 weeks before separation) my wife said "Playing with you is like CUSTOMER golf". (BTW, I beat her that round). Maybe if I had let her win, we would still be together....
C-man is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 05:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,074
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cedarman View Post
"We were doomed from the start" (this after 25 years of marriage).


Took her a while to figure out.
snap is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 09:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
MrMathias's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle of Nowhere
Posts: 426
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

"I didn't feel like I was taking anything away from you"

"I was confused, I felt like I loved two people"

"I want to be with both of you"

"He reminds me of you" (My response was "That's something you say when a person is dead or unavailable!")

And my personal favorite:

"I really think the two of you (the OM and I) could have been friends"
MrMathias is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 09:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Kasler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Marietta, Georgia
Posts: 1,122
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

"I was just playing around" after I read 2 years of her bashing me

"I still love you, I'm marrying you aren't I"

"Its not that big a deal"

Fast forward some years after I dumped her cheating thieving ass

" I never stopped loving you"

"The only time I was ever happy was when I was with you"(thats why she had an LTA on me of course)

"We were soulmates we still are" (To which I curtly laughed)

My basic reponses to most everything though?

Kasler is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 09:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,194
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by staystrong View Post
Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment."

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."
This is just standard WW B.S. justifying in her warped mind her affair. They all do it.
theroad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 10:37 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Calibre12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 434
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

After discovery of an 8 year OW - "She was just a friend, nothing happened (my all time favorite); you didn't give me any attention; you put everyone else before me; she answered the phone when I called; she was smart, funny, caring and kind; she was celebate". Also referring to him and I as "you and me" while referring to him and her as "we".
Calibre12 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 10:41 AM   #8 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 529
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by staystrong View Post
Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment."

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."

Other posters..
What response would you give?
What examples do you have?
Not every cheating spouse resorts to this type of gaslighting.

I did not. I dropped the OW immediately.

I never blamed my wife.

If straying spouse is blaming you, it is not a good sign and can really hurt reconciliations.
remorseful strayer is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 10:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
The Middleman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,554
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by DrMathias View Post
"I didn't feel like I was taking anything away from you"

"I was confused, I felt like I loved two people"

"I want to be with both of you"

"He reminds me of you" (My response was "That's something you say when a person is dead or unavailable!")

And my personal favorite:

"I really think the two of you (the OM and I) could have been friends"
You gotta be f***ing kidding me!
__________________
Knowing when to walk away, is wisdom. Being able to, is courage.

"If more people were judgmental, then maybe there would be less infidelity"
The Middleman is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 10:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 72
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

"To be with one p*ssy for the rest of my life is like a death sentence." (Probably the only truthful thing he has said since I found out about the As)

"It's never been my intention to leave you or the children, and I told these women that."

"Get with the times, men and women veiw marriage differently."
momma2four is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 10:54 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
canttrustu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,672
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

MY ALL TIME FAV

Me: "youve known her since Feb, its now JUNE. Why have you NEVER mentioned her if she's 'nothing'?"

Him: "i knew you'd be jealous of her"

Me: "really, why would I be jealous of her?"

Him: "because she is young, thin and powerful...."

FML, right? Guess by default the indication is he saw me as "old, fat and weak...."

REALLY?!?!?!?!?!
canttrustu is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 10:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
canttrustu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,672
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by RightfulRiskTaker View Post
After discovery of an 8 year OW - "She was just a friend, nothing happened (my all time favorite); you didn't give me any attention; you put everyone else before me; she answered the phone when I called; she was smart, funny, caring and kind; she was celebate". Also referring to him and I as "you and me" while referring to him and her as "we".
OH that Godforsaken "we" !!!!!!! Hate, hate hate IT!
canttrustu is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 10:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Loganville, GA
Posts: 184
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

The one statement from my WW that snapped me back into reality was:

"I want to reconcile with you but still be friends with AP".

Yeah............right.
cantdecide is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 11:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,189
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

I think when my ex handed me my papers it was the ONLY time in our more than twenty years together that she tried to be honest with me. She pretty much let me know that I was just another convenience item in her life and she had squeezed all she wanted from me and was done.
Didn't have much time to reflect since she also had a trumped up abuse charge against me and I was soon on my way to jail.
She didn't try to repair things until after she had fallen on hard times and by then I cared no more about her than I would about a worm which had been squished on a sidewalk.
hookares is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-11-2012, 12:34 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Decimated's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: In my home
Posts: 335
Default Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Well...let's see. Here are just a few.

"I'm not happy"
"I don't know what I want anymore"
"We don't have anything in common" - Just 17 years and 3 kids.
"POSOM and I only kissed once" - It was a 2 year EA/PA.
"We never went anywhere or did anything" - We were always going somewhere and doing something.
"You are a hateful person" - Really? I have never hated anyone in my life...until now.
"I want to have fun" - So do I.
"I wanted more adventure" - You call screwing your POSOM in a car in the back of a parking lot adventure?
"I was bored" - Then work more then 18 hours a week and help out around the house!
"I don't want a divorce but I'm not going to kiss your ass!" - Nice!
"We had this amazing connection" - Whatever...soul-mates right?
Decimated is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this Almostrecovered Coping with Infidelity 177 09-25-2014 09:39 AM
For the Newbies: The crazy things the cheating spouse does AppleDucklings Coping with Infidelity 24 02-12-2013 06:36 PM
newbies learn from my fail- wifes e/a with coworker strugglinghusband Coping with Infidelity 40 12-24-2011 10:51 AM
Newbies, be aware of bad advice AppleDucklings Coping with Infidelity 22 12-14-2011 08:33 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:48 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.