How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies) - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-10-2012, 11:33 PM Thread Starter
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How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment."

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."

Other posters..
What response would you give?
What examples do you have?
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post #2 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 05:32 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Of course the "I love you but I am not in love with you" line (when I discovered the EA, which was actually a PA).

"We had drifted apart."

"I matured into a confident woman" (from an email explaining why we drifted apart and where she retracted her confession of the PA, one day after I contacted the POSOM).

"We were doomed from the start" (this after 25 years of marriage).

One of my personal favourites: "When I came out of the washroom and saw you in bed, I almost threw up" (my wife, one week before separation coming out of the bathroom in our master bedroom). (Note: I had slept in the basement for a few days, but finally decided that it was BS for me to sleep on a couch so moved back into our bedroom). Her way of informing me, once again, that she was no longer attracted to me. Another one: "Even the way you blow your nose annoys me". And how about this one: "A women's vagina doesn't lie" (further explaining her lack of sexual attraction just before separation). Anyway - I suggested she go sleep on the floor in her office, which she did.

Oh, and for the golfers out there (my wife became an avid and very accomplished golfer because I introduced her to the game after getting married and it was a passion we shared together) - after the last round we played together (about 2 weeks before separation) my wife said "Playing with you is like CUSTOMER golf". (BTW, I beat her that round). Maybe if I had let her win, we would still be together....
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post #3 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 05:56 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cedarman View Post
"We were doomed from the start" (this after 25 years of marriage).


Took her a while to figure out.
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post #4 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 09:36 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

"I didn't feel like I was taking anything away from you"

"I was confused, I felt like I loved two people"

"I want to be with both of you"

"He reminds me of you" (My response was "That's something you say when a person is dead or unavailable!")

And my personal favorite:

"I really think the two of you (the OM and I) could have been friends"
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post #5 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 09:47 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

"I was just playing around" after I read 2 years of her bashing me

"I still love you, I'm marrying you aren't I"

"Its not that big a deal"

Fast forward some years after I dumped her cheating thieving ass

" I never stopped loving you"

"The only time I was ever happy was when I was with you"(thats why she had an LTA on me of course)

"We were soulmates we still are" (To which I curtly laughed)

My basic reponses to most everything though?

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post #6 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 09:59 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by staystrong View Post
Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment."

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."
This is just standard WW B.S. justifying in her warped mind her affair. They all do it.
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post #7 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 10:37 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

After discovery of an 8 year OW - "She was just a friend, nothing happened (my all time favorite); you didn't give me any attention; you put everyone else before me; she answered the phone when I called; she was smart, funny, caring and kind; she was celebate". Also referring to him and I as "you and me" while referring to him and her as "we".
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post #8 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 10:41 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by staystrong View Post
Before I found TAM, I was ill-equipped to handle a lot of the things my WW was saying around D-Day. I was in shock. So much in shock that I lost my center of center of thinking and gravitated towards her center of thinking to try and understand her.

The repeated artillery of crazy statements will weaken you. Trust me. I think it's important to have good responses to these types of statements in case they say them to you soon.


"We have different ideas about commitment."

"Am I expected to be with the same person my whole life if I don't love him?"

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

"This happens to lots of people."

"You could have cheated on me."

"We had an unhappy marriage."

Other posters..
What response would you give?
What examples do you have?
Not every cheating spouse resorts to this type of gaslighting.

I did not. I dropped the OW immediately.

I never blamed my wife.

If straying spouse is blaming you, it is not a good sign and can really hurt reconciliations.
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post #9 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 10:45 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by DrMathias View Post
"I didn't feel like I was taking anything away from you"

"I was confused, I felt like I loved two people"

"I want to be with both of you"

"He reminds me of you" (My response was "That's something you say when a person is dead or unavailable!")

And my personal favorite:

"I really think the two of you (the OM and I) could have been friends"
You gotta be f***ing kidding me!


"If more people were judgmental, then maybe there would be less infidelity"
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post #10 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 10:47 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

"To be with one p*ssy for the rest of my life is like a death sentence." (Probably the only truthful thing he has said since I found out about the As)

"It's never been my intention to leave you or the children, and I told these women that."

"Get with the times, men and women veiw marriage differently."
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post #11 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 10:54 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

MY ALL TIME FAV

Me: "youve known her since Feb, its now JUNE. Why have you NEVER mentioned her if she's 'nothing'?"

Him: "i knew you'd be jealous of her"

Me: "really, why would I be jealous of her?"

Him: "because she is young, thin and powerful...."

FML, right? Guess by default the indication is he saw me as "old, fat and weak...."

REALLY?!?!?!?!?!
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post #12 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 10:57 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Quote:
Originally Posted by RightfulRiskTaker View Post
After discovery of an 8 year OW - "She was just a friend, nothing happened (my all time favorite); you didn't give me any attention; you put everyone else before me; she answered the phone when I called; she was smart, funny, caring and kind; she was celebate". Also referring to him and I as "you and me" while referring to him and her as "we".
OH that Godforsaken "we" !!!!!!! Hate, hate hate IT!
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post #13 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 10:58 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

The one statement from my WW that snapped me back into reality was:

"I want to reconcile with you but still be friends with AP".

Yeah............right.
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post #14 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 11:03 AM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

I think when my ex handed me my papers it was the ONLY time in our more than twenty years together that she tried to be honest with me. She pretty much let me know that I was just another convenience item in her life and she had squeezed all she wanted from me and was done.
Didn't have much time to reflect since she also had a trumped up abuse charge against me and I was soon on my way to jail.
She didn't try to repair things until after she had fallen on hard times and by then I cared no more about her than I would about a worm which had been squished on a sidewalk.
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post #15 of 152 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 12:34 PM
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Re: How did your WS fog you after D-Day? (Warnings to Newbies)

Well...let's see. Here are just a few.

"I'm not happy"
"I don't know what I want anymore"
"We don't have anything in common" - Just 17 years and 3 kids.
"POSOM and I only kissed once" - It was a 2 year EA/PA.
"We never went anywhere or did anything" - We were always going somewhere and doing something.
"You are a hateful person" - Really? I have never hated anyone in my life...until now.
"I want to have fun" - So do I.
"I wanted more adventure" - You call screwing your POSOM in a car in the back of a parking lot adventure?
"I was bored" - Then work more then 18 hours a week and help out around the house!
"I don't want a divorce but I'm not going to kiss your ass!" - Nice!
"We had this amazing connection" - Whatever...soul-mates right?
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