Husband says Jesus forgives him - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Husband says Jesus forgives him

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree113Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12-12-2012, 09:57 PM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,024
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Quote:
Originally Posted by indiecat View Post
He had a 3 year EA/PA. We split for 6 weeks when I found out 3 years ago. And now are split again since August, he got verbally abusive with me and accused me all the time of wanting him dead, and there was a lot of name calling on his part that I was hateful and a hater etc. Well after being cheated on and demonized for 3 years I did have a lot of resentment, imagine that! I could not be warm and fuzzy with him. He lies a lot about stupid things and that is also a trigger.

We did Christian marriage counseling this fall...it helped HIM a lot because the couples who were presenters all survived infidelity and are SO in love now. And they gave us slogans like 'the past is passed' and love is a choice etc. Since then H now quotes these things and tells me that I should live by these rules.

The other day he was on my about how I left and caused this split in the family. I said it was because of his choices. He said that Jesus forgives him and he forgives himself. And my problem is that I can't forgive and move on.

Well I still think of her and him. I can't help it. He sends me these love texts, well I read almost the same sort of words in emails he sent to his OW. So his pretty words leave me cold.

He wants me back, and wants our family all together.
I carry a lot of guilt for leaving, but his verbal abuse got to me. He also refused intimacy with me in the last few years, saying that he had no need for it. Now all of a sudden he says that he wants to have a full marriage again and go on trips, and he loves me so much, and the kids need us together etc.

I know the kids should come first. They are 13 and 21. He picks on the 13 year old, texts her constantly when she is with me and tells her how lonely he is and that he sits and stares at the wall.

I am so stressed out.
Don't know if I should just return so the kids don't have this image that mom walked out. We share time with dd, I have her a bit more, he wants 50/50 if I don't return soon. Son lives with him.
There is only one way to respond, "It is great Jesus forgives you because he is going to see you very soon."
jim123 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-12-2012, 10:46 PM   #17 (permalink)
JCD
Member
 
JCD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 4,002
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Jesus didn't marry him.
JCD is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-12-2012, 10:51 PM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Southern california
Posts: 2,136
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Jesus forgives him---yah right---that's another lie, just like all the rest

This crum you call a H, does not deserve a family---get your D, and walk away----and if he continues to abuse the 13 yr old, and you already have your proof---have his custodial time cut down to supervised custody only

He is lonely----well who the F., caused that------remind him---he has caused all his own problems---and you have NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING----your H, is a piece of garbage and you know it, and hopefully his kids know it also
jnj express is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 12:38 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Mr Blunt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,725
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Quote:
Originally Posted by My_2nd_Rodeo
Tell him to read Matthew. It's black and white about fornication being acceptable grounds for divorce (your option).
.
Reply by mel123
That is 100% true you do have that option as a christian and to remain within the teaching of your faith.

However you are required to forgive, but don't have to stay married.
As mel123 said your faith allows you to divorce.
Weather your husband is a real change man or not I do not know


Quote:
By indicat
I forgive him but that does not mean that his actions didn't wound me.

By indicat
Well after being cheated on and demonized for 3 years I did have a lot of resentment, imagine that!

He sends me these love texts, well I read almost the same sort of words in emails he sent to his OW. So his pretty words leave me cold.

I carry a lot of guilt for leaving
Since you are the one posting and not him I would say that it maybe best for you to concentrate on you before you make any change involving getting more involved with your husband. The title of your thread is “Husband says Jesus forgives him” Weather that is a true statement or a cop out is not where your focus should be. You can only change you so YOU are the main focus. IMO.
Your underlined words above seem to not match. You say you forgive then talk about your resentment, and his words leaving you cold, then guilt. It seems like you do not have the emotional freedom that comes from complete forgiveness. I am not talking about forgiveness that says that what he did and has done is OK, far from it! The forgiveness that I am talking about is one that mostly involves you and you getting better. You do not seem like you have emotional freedom.
Are you sure you have forgiven him?

Guilt and unforgiveness are mostly spiritual matters. It is in your best interest for you to forgive because if you do not you will be affected negatively weather you divorce of stay married. Guilt and bitterness are poisons to contentment and joy.


There are LOTS of materials on forgiveness and anger that tell you how to deal with it.
In Touch Ministries has a lot of very good information on forgiveness
http://store.intouch.org/search.aspx?searchterm=Forgiveness

The person that is most responsible for seeking forgiveness is you. YOU will benefit from forgiving.
Mr Blunt is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 01:00 AM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
Thundarr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Carolinas
Posts: 3,156
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Unfortunately forgiveness is a multi step process. Generally you will forgive many many times for the same thing before it starts to fade.
__________________
Intelligence and emotion bottled up together is an evolutionary cruel joke.
Thundarr is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 07:06 AM   #21 (permalink)
Member
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 10,233
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Quote:
Originally Posted by indiecat View Post
He had a 3 year EA/PA. We split for 6 weeks when I found out 3 years ago. And now are split again since August, he got verbally abusive with me and accused me all the time of wanting him dead, and there was a lot of name calling on his part that I was hateful and a hater etc. Well after being cheated on and demonized for 3 years I did have a lot of resentment, imagine that! I could not be warm and fuzzy with him. He lies a lot about stupid things and that is also a trigger.

We did Christian marriage counseling this fall...it helped HIM a lot because the couples who were presenters all survived infidelity and are SO in love now. And they gave us slogans like 'the past is passed' and love is a choice etc. Since then H now quotes these things and tells me that I should live by these rules.

The other day he was on my about how I left and caused this split in the family. I said it was because of his choices. He said that Jesus forgives him and he forgives himself. And my problem is that I can't forgive and move on.

Well I still think of her and him. I can't help it. He sends me these love texts, well I read almost the same sort of words in emails he sent to his OW. So his pretty words leave me cold.

He wants me back, and wants our family all together.
I carry a lot of guilt for leaving, but his verbal abuse got to me. He also refused intimacy with me in the last few years, saying that he had no need for it. Now all of a sudden he says that he wants to have a full marriage again and go on trips, and he loves me so much, and the kids need us together etc.

I know the kids should come first. They are 13 and 21. He picks on the 13 year old, texts her constantly when she is with me and tells her how lonely he is and that he sits and stares at the wall.

I am so stressed out.
Don't know if I should just return so the kids don't have this image that mom walked out. We share time with dd, I have her a bit more, he wants 50/50 if I don't return soon. Son lives with him.
Well, that's fine. Jesus has forgiven him. Then buy him a statue of Jesus for him to share his life with.

He has forgiven himself? Now, that's not so fine. If he forgives himself so readily, what happens when he wants a bit of strange, again? No worries! He'll forgive himself!
MattMatt is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 07:15 AM   #22 (permalink)
Member
 
Almostrecovered's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: SEPA
Posts: 8,981
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Maybe the Jesus he is referring to is actually a Latino man who works at the 711
__________________
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Newbies please read this
My story
Almostrecovered is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 07:56 AM   #23 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 661
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Quote:
Originally Posted by Count of Monte Cristo View Post
What? He cheated on Jesus too?
Everybody cheats on Jesus.
Vanguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 08:10 AM   #24 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 661
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

OP I think most of the people here are not giving you the proper advice. They are trying to help you remain strong in your decision to separate by demonizing your husband's new conversion to Christ (he can live with Jesus, give him a Jesus statue, etc). I am not going to do that because it's unfair, unfounded, and I don't do that just because it suits my particular aim.

Because you can validate his claim to love Christ and still decide to never go back to him. Tell him that Christ DOES forgive him, but requires that he accept the consequences of this sin. God has on many, many occasions forgiven His people but that in no way means He saves them from the accountability of that sin.

Even King David, after he sinned, was told by the prophet Nathan that he was forgiven. But God still punished him. If you do as others here are doing, and just mock his faith, you really aren't giving him a valid reasoning for your decision, and it makes you look like a cold, close-minded person.

Tell him if he truly loves and knows Jesus, he will know that forgiveness does not negate the natural consequence of sin, only the spiritual consequence.
Vanguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 08:12 AM   #25 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 847
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

I find the triggers make it very difficult. And boy after a 3 year A there are tons of triggers.

I've read that forgiveness has to be given, not demanded. Maybe that is the problem, I feel that I am working toward forgiveness but when I mention the A, (I seldom do, but as a partner should I not be allowed to mention it occassionally if I am having a bad day?) he starts with the forgiveness stuff, and I feel like the bad guy.

I have told him that all I want is a bit of compassion when I am feeling low. Just say to me 'sorry you are having a hard time today' Don't tell me I am in the wrong for having feelings.

And telling me I am not a good Christian really hurts. I have been trying now for 3 years post A. He slung a lot of mean stuff at me during the A, he refused to help me with my car, he would not help with the kids, he would taunt me that I wasn't warm and fuzzy enough, tell me that he he might consider sleeping with me if I worked up to it by giving him back scratches and scalp massages. Told me he couldn't help it if she 'dug him'. All the time telling me and the kids that he was just helping out and being a friend to the poor widow.

The verbal abuse he dished out before I left was all due to his sedatives he says, which he has stopped now. He always has an excuse for his behavior.

The affair, with his best friends widow was the result of PTSD he tells me, due to his friends death. Apparently if your friend dies you get ptsd and can wine and dine the widow, and buy her presents and it's ptsd. A psychiatrist told him this, so of course the shrink is the 'authority' and I can't question the learned doctor's opinion.
indiecat is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 08:43 AM   #26 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 40
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

So you've obviously accepted him back and chose not to divorce. So really..MOVE ON. The only way you willever have a good marriage again is if you really forgive. Forgiveness doesn't mean to bring things back up over and over. It means letting go, forget it. When he brings up forgiveness when you mention the A, it's prob ably because he just wants to move on from it and focus on you're current relationship. Since you're a Christian, consider this: "For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more." (Jeremiah 31:34) . That is true forgiveness. Yes, its hard and yes it hurts.but forgiving is the best thing you can do for yourself. How much do you think we hurt God everytime we sin? Yet, if we are really sorry He forgives us,.REALLY forgives, and forgets our sins. Whenever you get those thoughts, push them out of your mind. Eventually, it will fade into the distant past. How your relationship turns out, as Farr as moving on from this, depends on you. God bless!
Posted via Mobile Device
NewtoThisMarriageThing is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 09:54 AM   #27 (permalink)
Member
 
strugglinghusband's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Crapola
Posts: 1,008
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

[IMG][/IMG]
strugglinghusband is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 09:54 AM   #28 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 85
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Religion used to absolve someone of their wrong doings and to manipulate another?


This is new... /sarcasm
Speed is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 09:59 AM   #29 (permalink)
Member
 
Thundarr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Carolinas
Posts: 3,156
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

Really he's got to understand that on occasion this will come up and he's got to be appologetic when it does. In the same token, if you bring it up repeatedely then you could drive a wedge it doesn't sound you want to do that.

It sounds like you trigger on occasion and then the way he shuts down and says "I'm at piece with it" is messed up. And you are right.
__________________
Intelligence and emotion bottled up together is an evolutionary cruel joke.
Thundarr is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-13-2012, 10:34 AM   #30 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,798
Default Re: Husband says Jesus forgives him

I don't know why some spanish guy forgiving him makes this okay.....

Sorry couldn't resist. I DESPISE people using religion as a pass for their bad behavior. Your husband MESSED UP ROYALLY!! Instead of owning to his responsibilities, he's using this obtuse idea about forgiveness to rug sweep.

Here's some other bible teachings about what's going on.

1. MAT 5:31 "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

So the bible says you can divorce justifiably because infidelity is WRONG!

2. Matthew 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

So why did HE choose to separate. He took another woman, so HE went against god. You can choose not to associate with a heretic. (sorry, you pull the Jesus forgives me card, you get the rest of the cards in the deck as well)

3. Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

4. (and this is a BIG one) Daniel 8:25 By his cunning he shall make deceit prosper under his hand, and in his own mind he shall become great. Without warning he shall destroy many. And he shall even rise up against the Prince of princes, and he shall be broken—but by no human hand.

5. 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

And in regards to forgiveness. I would debate that Jesus has forgiven him. To achieve forgiveness, one must be repentant. Repentance doesn't happen simply by saying sorry. Here are some to address that

1. 2 Corinthians 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Has your husband "humbled himself". Has he turned from his wicked ways?

2. Revelation 2:5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.

it's referencing doing the RIGHT things. As in lets assume your husband was a good husband at one time. Is he doing THOSE things.

And this one is the kicker...to repent is always mentioned to "humble" oneself You want the definition of that.
3. James 4:8-10 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

Has your husband "cleansed his hands", "purified his heart", "mourn and weep and be wretched". "Have his laughter turn to mourning and his joy to gloom"? Does this sound like an EASY task?

Your husband is using the idea of unconditional forgiveness (which isn't CORRECT but I'll get into that in a moment) being some easy task and that YOU'RE wrong for not forgiving him. This is a delusional attempt at rug sweeping because he's putting his energy into showing you why you're wrong instead of doing the most important thing. The bible clearly states that you must "cleanse yourself" then "humble yourself" then "repent" AND THEN you'll be forgiven. It takes time and effort for the sinner to achieve forgiveness. These are things your husband ISN'T doing.

PS no, I'm not a christian, but I grew up being exposed to some GREAT bible teachings and how to interpret and search the bible.
__________________
The more posts I read.
The more I love my wife!
Dad&Hubby is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Who cheats? who forgives? walkonmars Coping with Infidelity 15 12-12-2012 06:18 AM
Husband forgives himself indiecat Coping with Infidelity 8 12-11-2012 09:29 AM
"Hollywood Jesus churches".... Cee Paul Politics and Religion 38 09-13-2012 10:48 AM
I believe in jesus as my savior, fiance doesnt but loves god. Nee Relationships and Spirituality 3 10-12-2010 11:31 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:52 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.