Well, my wife chose to cheat with a man who was not even in the same league as I am economically, intellectually, and morally. He may have had me on physique seeing as he was a laborer.
I'm not discounting anyone's pain. I just don't think there is a moral high ground based on gender. That it is ALWAYS the long-suffering wife and mother who gets hurt.
Women cheat.
I'm sorry michzz! Everyone does get hurt where infidelity is concerned. Now let me ask a question since your wife is on the fringes of the Bell Curve (statistically speaking). Is the other man 20 years her junior? Probably not. My therapist says we rarely see all those things with a cheating wife. It has been really hard on me to look at the age of these women my husband destroyed our marriage over. Basically I feel as though I gave the best years of my life to a relationship. I'm then tossed out for a younger model. That's the aspect which has caused me considerable grief. In the end I was treated as an old car--something which was to be traded in on a newer, flashier model. At my age, I'll just have to hope someone my age appreciates a "classic". lol Anyway, that's the point I believe cao was making.
michzz, hang in there. I for one am not bashing all men. You are correct; there are plenty of cheating, selfish women out there. And I don't like the pain they cause either.
My husband cheated with a younger married woman. They both gave up their spouses and she even gave up her young child. Although the relationship only lasted a few weeks once they moved in with one another.Goes to show ya the grass isn't greener on the other side and that both women and men cheat. Married or single.
Stop throwing men under the bus here, it is easyt to use an excuse that it is all men or just the way men are. Ever here of the term Cougars? What about these female school teachers sleeping with young males there is even a "top 25 list" out there. This is not one sided.
People cheat for personal reasons something is wrong in their marriage.
I am almost 40 I have younger women hit on me all the time, I do look younger then almost 40, they are usually shocked when I say I will be 40 soon. But I never cheated on my wife I never bailed on her. I find her more attractive and exciting now then when we met 19 years ago.
Peoples marriages get stale because people let it get stale, a marriage is a constant work a constant evolution. It needs to be worked on constantly. When you don't maintain something it will fall apart or break.
People forget that. I am sure if my wife was boring or bitccy I would go somewhere else, same for my wife if I was a jerk or complacent to her.
look in the mirror to why your marriages failed, people who take it as "business as usual" often miss the boat when it sails.
What did your spouse like when you dated? got excited over? why did it stop? How can you change it? what can you do to enhance it?
communicate or suffer the consequences of saying nothing at all.
Okay, I have a couple of issues here...one, I'm 40 and I am now married for the third time...the first two ex skanks cheated on me, I was compassionate, loving, romantic and did all I thought I should be doing but yet...it wasn't enough.
I'm happily married to a wonderful woman ten years my junior and I'm looking at buying stock in the "third times a charm" company.
But I digress...not all men are cheaters and not all of us are looking at a sack ride with a younger woman...
I did my share of flings and stings and God knows what else because of the business I was in at the time was a cesspool of debauchery...I spent many a night with married women back in that portion of my life...didn't blink an eye about doing so. I wasn't cheating, they were..
I think you guys are taking offense here to the wrong issue; men aren't being "thrown under the bus." The original poster was merely pointing out a trend, namely that middle-aged men who DO cheat often find themselves with willing young women who don't care about their marital status. No one ever said that all men cheat, or even that women do not cheat as often as men.
No, the issue that was being discussed is the idea that when men of a certain age cheat on their wives with younger women, their spouses must undergo a great degree of self-doubt. In our society, women are judged left and right for their youth and beauty while men are judged for their power and prestige. The problem? Youth and beauty can fade quickly; power and prestige (re: money) does not.
That's what I've gathered from this conversation, anyway. Don't be so quick to get defensive; I've known many women who've cheated on boyfriends and husbands, and as a rule, I feel the same about them as I feel about cheating men.
i think you guys are taking offense here to the wrong issue; men aren't being "thrown under the bus." the original poster was merely pointing out a trend, namely that middle-aged men who do cheat often find themselves with willing young women who don't care about their marital status. No one ever said that all men cheat, or even that women do not cheat as often as men.
No, the issue that was being discussed is the idea that when men of a certain age cheat on their wives with younger women, their spouses must undergo a great degree of self-doubt. In our society, women are judged left and right for their youth and beauty while men are judged for their power and prestige. The problem? Youth and beauty can fade quickly; power and prestige (re: Money) does not.
That's what i've gathered from this conversation, anyway. Don't be so quick to get defensive; i've known many women who've cheated on boyfriends and husbands, and as a rule, i feel the same about them as i feel about cheating men.
I was a single divorced woman between 24-28. I could have been TOW, young thing to literally DOZENS of middle aged married men!
Men I worked with, men in bars, men in gas stations. I was young for crying out loud, and here are these 42-58 year old men (some even OLDER) making stupid goo-goo eyes at me!
I wouldn't touch a married man with a ten foot pole and certainly not a man at that age! Good Lord!
I went out with ONE man when I was 24 and he was 43. Over my steak dinner he tells me he has twin daughters my age. I LOST my APPETITE. Last "older man" I ever dated, he was divorced.
I think older men are at the younger women to prove they are some sort of stud still. How insecure is THAT?
If my dh ran around with some EVEN 30 year old (he is sixty this month and really attractive, mind you..) I'd start laughing! Seriously. I'd say to him: "Are YOU OK??". He would look at me and say: "Yes, I have lost my senses, SLAP me out of it...." as my dh KNOWS a man who does this has lost his mind!
DH comments on these guys like the SC Governor, or Bill Clinton who have these wonderful careers going full blast and then the idiot throws a wrench in it making a public a## of himself.
DH says: "I taught my little brain a long time ago the big brain is in charge.... "
Loved the post Sandy55. That brought back memories for me as well. When I was in the 16 to 22 age group, I used to have constant attention from the men over age 40. Although I enjoyed the attention, there was no way I was going to date them. It never even crossed my mind! It was just not acceptable! Gosh, my parents' wrath would have been unbearable (even in the 70's and 80's). Our culture is changing.
Ugh, I just don't understand why people can't end a marriage first then go find someone else, nor can I understand why people whom are single must be w/married people...yes two to tango I know the rule, but go find someone single to tango with please men and women both. No sexist or ism here on that part. It disgusts me on both sides. I disagree w/if you don't do this your spouse will cheat so stop complaining...if your spouse can't do this or that or won't do this or that then respectfully separate and then go boff someone else. Just my opinion.
Hey...is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure like to tap that a$$...
just something funny to end my rant with lol
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"Cause I'll be there, in the back of your mind, from the day we met to the very last night, and it's just too bad, you've already had the best days, the best days of your life..."
827 Aug, realnickles your eloquent posts were right on and thanks for clarifying my post.
My comments were not to say that women don't cheat on their husbands as much as husband cheat on their wives...I certainly wasn't trying to push men under the bus...There are very many different scenarios for cheaters. I see in this forum many loyal husbands getting hurt by infidelity as well. I was simply carving a slice of the big picture of a pattern I see.
Aug87, your explanation very true..that younger women sometimes are attracted to older established men because of the money ...I see it as the traveling men, or men in their work environment. They may have their reasons for accepting the attention from the younger woman but they ARE many times targets.
BUT Sandy55, you brought out a very important point that many times middle aged men flirt with the younger women...so maybe they are not so much targets as they invite the attention to stroke their insecure egos...?? So Whom is really the target?? Or maybe it's just the formula.
I do just think it's a shame when loyal partners get cheated on and/or left for another after years of caring and devotion. As Preacher said it happens and so sometimes no matter what one does it can't be prevented. It hasn't happened to me yet but almost did..and I am wondering if it still could.
Wrapping up the concerns middle-aged women have about their middle-aged partners I think realnickles made a point to ponder:
In our society, women are judged left and right for their youth and beauty while men are judged for their power and prestige. The problem? Youth and beauty can fade quickly; power and prestige (re: money) does not.
Do you realize that without someone willing to be with a married person, cheating couldn't occur? You are just as culpable. The fact that you have no respect for someone else's marriage says much about you. And remember -- what goes around comes around.
I think in general, men tend to go for younger women because younger women are more impressed with them and feed their need to be admired. Also, younger women tend to be more interested in sex (at least until they get the guy to leave their wives and marry them.)
What these guys are missing from the women they married is that admiration part. It means a lot to most men to be seen as effective and helpful and important in their lives. They also want us to desire them physically.
If you forget those things, you're in serious danger of losing your husband.
People need affirmation. It is the food for relationships.
I'm 56 and see girls that are my daughter's age (or less). Am I interested? No. Do I like the way they look? He!! yes! Would I "want" them...no fu.king way!!
I like my women more mature...someone who knows what she wants and enjoys in a relationship.
Young girls?!? uugghh! I can get all that at Hooters.
I've never felt the need/urge to "prove" myself. My ONLY concern was my partner's satisfaction!
Ok, so maybe I'm the exception...IDK, but I know I don't want to date/have sex with someone of my daughter's age!
Dobo...if you NEED the admiration...you're not mature enough to handle it.
But I do understand the OP...but ONLY because it's what we hear about! Not necessarily because it's true. Just like the evening news...it's always bad...never the good stuff!
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It ain't illegal until you're caught!
I think in general, men tend to go for younger women because younger women are more impressed with them and feed their need to be admired. Also, younger women tend to be more interested in sex (at least until they get the guy to leave their wives and marry them.)
I am 56 and am always there sexually and physically for my husband. The old thought that mature women "dry up" and are no longer interested in sex is a myth, I feel, unless I'm the exception, but I don't think so. I also am always responsive to his needs and give him plenty of attention. He still wandered to an EA with a woman that could have been his daughter but was away for a year.
It may be true in some relationships that men don't feel appreciated and enjoy the attention from a younger woman and it evolves from there. And I agree that not all men are alike...just drawing out that a pattern in our society.
I absolutely agree that Money is a motivating factor for these younger women. my middle-aged husband make great money, drives a nice car, and looks like a movie star (knew I shouldn't have married such a good looking guy!). and this other woman comes prancing into our marriage (who has a kid by the way) and wrecks our home. granted, she's not the only one to blame. but to me, she took advantage of my husband's vulnerablity at the time and I could see that she only has one motive. these young girls have no morals what so ever. and what an example she is to her own child. that poor kid...
Re: Middle age men and infidelity
How insecure is THAT?
