This is what I think about what happens with many marriages over time. Many of the posts here are from younger marriages and people. For those I feel very sad that you have had this happen so early in your lives! I hope my son or daughter will not go through this in their lifetime. My post is mostly about middle-aged men and affairs with younger women in our culture, but it could apply to younger marriages.
It appears to me that people don't take their vows seriously, which is a sad evolution. It seems our parents had marital troubles, but tended to stay together. It is what it is now, and women are more independent. Some single women seem to not have ethical boundaries and choose married men, and so the men have more tempation out there, and this is the same for the women, so as a result more marriages break up because infidelity doesn't stay under the covers like it did years ago.
Both sexes need friends and that is healthy, but from what I have learned, men have more difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries to prevent infidelity, especially when they are in middle age, and there are many younger women out there that are looking for "alpha" older men. As well older men that are successful are particulary attractive to and attracted to younger women...
The diffuculty is if the men travel, which is my personal experience, then the likelyhood is much greater with an "alpha" male.
This is my observation so far in all I have been studying for what it's worth. Hope this helps anyone!
Your observation is right on target! That's definitely what happened in my case. Those young things really know how to stroke a mid-aged man's ego. They are then willing to give up the family and everything they (and their spouse) worked for. It really stinks!
This says a lot about our culture. These young single women see nothing wrong with dating a married man now. I remember receiving several lectures while growing up on that very thing--leave married men alone, period! It seems to be okay in our culture now.
cao, are things improving any for you? Things just get worse here on my front. Although I go to counseling, it just doesn't seem to ease the bitterness. My children and I have almost lost everything over a 24 year old bimbo.
I think things have gotten better, but now he is gone again as of this week on another long-term trip and hasn't called for now going on 3 days. (I called him a few times and he called back) It would be easy for him to call just to say hello when he gets off work at 7PM in between dinner and driving back to the place he's staying. I wonder if I've been in denial thinking things are "back to normal".
I wonder if things will ever be he same. There seems to be no romance where there once was, and so I am wondering if it's just a matter of time when the next tempation comes along and if he will take it. I tried very hard to establish a connection while he was home but now that he hasn't called I feel I've failed.
The statistics are very discouraging about men wandering, and of course it doesn't help to hear about the governor of So. Carolina.
I am sorry you have been through so much...you are right it stinks.
Ugh I really have issues w/single women being ok w/dating or sleeping w/married men....it just pisses me off to no end. What homewrecking hoes....sorry end rant.
__________________ "Cause I'll be there, in the back of your mind, from the day we met to the very last night, and it's just too bad, you've already had the best days, the best days of your life..."
__________________ "Cause I'll be there, in the back of your mind, from the day we met to the very last night, and it's just too bad, you've already had the best days, the best days of your life..."
I'm laughing now!!! Yeah, the stbx cheated on me. He will cheat on them too--he had a lot more at stake with me. Or, they will grow tired of him and cheat on him. I know it is going to happen at some point. I'll just sit back and watch
Culture has nothing to do with, its called natural selection.
Turn on national geographic and watch a couple of nature shows.
Amazing how the old ones go after the young ones.
and even how the old ones fight for the young ones.
Imagine if this happened in society .
Yeah, but in the animal kingdom, money doesn't matter! This little problem we are seeing has to do with MONEY. The men cao are refering to are usually well-off middle-age professional men. Many of those young women wouldn't even be giving them the time of day if they didn't have MONEY.
Yes, I agreed it has SOMETHING to do with money, but my husband has none to spare, but enjoys pretending he does. When cornered, he says either I have eyes on all the accounts or that I spent it shopping. When he has to face facts, I'm to blame. He orders lunches, loans money to co-workers (that never pay back, he he never ask for it)... I guess it makes him feel special in some sick sort of way. Meanwhile, I get yelled at for not earning enough. If I did (he says), he wouldn't have these kinds of problems - no pocket money. Since when did $200. fishing rods become a necesssity & why does he store them in his office at work?!
I guess I'm a little bugged by the tone of this posting. Not hugely, mind you, however I have to admit that I am.
See, I think the focus is on the idea that it is middle aged men that cheat, toss aside their current wife and fool around with someone new.
Not saying this doesn't happen. It does. However, there are cheating wives doing the very same thing.
It's not a fair thing to do, to point out that men are cheating on their wives without acknowledging that essentially the same rate of wives are doing likewise to their husbands.
There are a lot of men whose wives are cheating on them too.
Like I said, not so much bugged that you're expressing your anger and pain about cheating men. It's just the tone, as if women don't do likewise.
I know where cao is going with this post--it is hard to explain. The therapist and I have discussed this topic a lot; I've learned a lot more on this specific area of cheating. YES, women do cheat. How many middle-age women do you see running around with a man 20 years her junior? And in a lower social/economic class than she? You rarely see that. Statistically a wife of one of these middle-age professional men is going to find a man who is an equal. Do you see many poor middle-aged men with a girl friend who is 20 years younger. I doubt in that scenario, VERY few of the men are married! My therapist says what makes the difference here is the money. These young women will date a MARRIED middle-age professional. They don't care who they hurt! The young thing comes to rescue of a man going thru his mid-life crisis and it allows her to ascend the social/economic ladder quickly. They both win! It is the devoted wife and children who lose.
Well, my wife chose to cheat with a man who was not even in the same league as I am economically, intellectually, and morally. He may have had me on physique seeing as he was a laborer.
I'm not discounting anyone's pain. I just don't think there is a moral high ground based on gender. That it is ALWAYS the long-suffering wife and mother who gets hurt.
__________________ "Cause I'll be there, in the back of your mind, from the day we met to the very last night, and it's just too bad, you've already had the best days, the best days of your life..."
Middle age men and infidelity 
