OW is pregnant trying to recover

mommytwofour · 06-29-2009, 03:10 PM

My husband had a affair she is now pregnant and wants to keep it. She says she wants nothing to do with him. Dont know how to deal its been a month now he has been doing everything right seeing a therapist with me says it was a big mistake he was in a dark place and wont let it happen again. We are trying to rebuild and are really doing so much better but than I think about the baby and I get down and plus they still work together.dont know how to accept it dont want to be mean to the child its not his/her fault but its going to be so hard. I will accept the child in my life but dont was the OW in my life I dont know if we can set rules for that or what dont know how to go about this. Just need help. Everyday I think wow we are doing so well we are really getting some where but than i think the child will be here in five months I will I handle that.Thanks for listening

swedish · 06-29-2009, 04:00 PM

I'm glad your husband is showing remorse and you are both working to rebuild your marriage. You have a long road ahead, first when the baby arrives and then all the years to follow. I know firsthand how working together feels, knowing he sees the woman he broke your trust with on an ongoing basis. It sure doesn't help in your healing.

I do think you have say in how much contact you have with her going forward. It is noble of you to accept this child into your life...I don't know where I'd stand if in your shoes. The more you discuss with your husband now, the fewer surprises you will have down the road. If he will pay child support and have visitation, what will this mean for you? As the child gets older and has school events, sports, etc. will he attend? Only when she is not there? The more you discuss now the easier it will be for you down the road.

This is not your child so you by all means have a right to decide whether you have any contact at all with TOW.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

mommytwofour · 06-29-2009, 04:08 PM

thank you for replying, we do have to plan things out, I in no way want to have any contact with her. And I know she doesnt want me to have contact with the child but we are married with four kids I am always in his life so I dont know how much say she has in that. I just feel so hurt dont know how its going to be thats what gets me I am such a big planner dont like not knowing how things will be. I keep thinking how about if she gives him that girl I couldnt or if that child looks like mine. And she is not a fit mother with the child she has already the child spents 75% of the time with her mom in the house of her father that has raped her, its a whole big drama, I just keep having this gut feeling that one day my husband will want to take the baby from her. I feel sorry for the child cause I know her and shes has a different boyfriend every few months a bad job and doesnt have respect for herself. There are just so many thoughts in my head and cant stop thinking is it really over for good.

java · 07-10-2009, 09:52 PM

I am so sorry you have to deal with all of that...you must really love your husband...you are definitely a stronger woman than I am...and him to still work with her? HA...his a@@ would be finding another job if I had let him stay with me....which probably wouldn't have happened. Much blessings to you and I wish you great patience and luck dealing with all of that...I commend you for trying to not think ill of the baby...the baby is innocent...but you and your hubby will have constant reminder of what he did with a child involved.

Hang in there....