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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-24-2012, 09:19 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

Married for just a year. DUMP HER.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:39 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

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Originally Posted by Blader View Post
So they were talking and he ended up kissing her. She said they couldn't do that and then they ended up sleeping at opposite ends of the bed.
If she actually had this moment of morality then she would have also realized that there was a danger in being around this person....so she wouldn't have then went to his home where it would be just the two of them. It is so past obvious she slept with him I don't know how you possibly believe her.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:44 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

Dude, she cheated and in the first year of the M when you should still be in the honeymoon stage.

Your M is over, I know you donít want to hear that and itís NOT your fault, your W is simply not ready for a long term commitment and this is how she is reacting to it. If you try to work it out she WILL cheat again, itís just a matter of time.

She has only been married to you for a year and yet desires other men and has even acted on it. She is not marriage material and you can't fix her.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:46 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

Are you OK with her over night stays away from home?

I do not believe that she got drunk and slept in the same bed and nothing happened but a couple of kisses. Then she lies about where she is going on another night and ends up at his house.

She has no boundaries and will eventually cross the line to a full sexual affair if she has not already done so.

You have to define some boundaries. Like no drinking without you. No over night stays away from home. No parties at the bosses house that you do not attend.

Or get out now if she thinks the way she is behaving is OK in a marriage.
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:56 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

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Originally Posted by committedwife View Post
Blader, I'm going to be as gentle as I can be - those rose-colored glasses you're wearing have got to go.

That business with sleeping at opposite ends of the bed? Hoooeee. I'd have to reeeally want to believe someone to buy that one. But let's consider it for a moment: okay, maybe they were both completely trashed and passed out before they could 'seal the deal'. Maybe. Which doesn't make her less guilty, you understand. The desire was there, but the body couldn't make it happen.

But the deal where she meets the guy, gets cold feet and STAYS OVERNIGHT AT WORK??? NO WAY. It didn't happen. No woman runs to WORK and stays overnight after protecting her virtue. They would go home to their husband.
I would demand a polygraph if I were you. I'll bet you'd get a very different story than the one she's fed you so far.
This.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soifon View Post
If she actually had this moment of morality then she would have also realized that there was a danger in being around this person....so she wouldn't have then went to his home where it would be just the two of them. It is so past obvious she slept with him I don't know how you possibly believe her.
And this.

I know this is hard to belive, but there are a LOT of facinating men out there who aren't you...and your wife seems curious. I know...how could she not see how wonderful you are?

But it happens. So going into deep denial is not your friend.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:41 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

Look the bottom line is your wife had an inappropriate encounter with another man while drunk and even slept in the same bed. He kissed her and she evidently did not push him away or tell him "No way, I'm married". She stayed the night with him. She sent him a message that she is open to his advances, just not ready to take it further.

Then this same man invites her over to his house for "video games". He asked her out on a date and she accepted and lied to you about where she was going. Message? She is open to his advances. She planned to stay the night with him at his house and chickened out (or so she says).

You are rationalizing excuses for her behavior. I know you don't want to believe she will not have sex with him (probably already has). But even without the sex, she has still gotten physical with another man. You hope she is confused and will snap out of it. That is a long shot.

When a woman will cheat on her husband in the first few years of marriage odds are she will not hesitate to do so latter in the marriage.

It is not worth the chance. Divorce.

Last edited by TDSC60; 12-24-2012 at 11:49 AM.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:45 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

Get rid of her. She is lying to you.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:49 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

AT LEAST ask her what they talked about in bed. They didn't just kiss "good night".

Chances are they talked about "what if". She probably complained about things you do/don't do. This is why he felt comforable asking for the date and why she felt comfortable telling you a lie about going out with friends. I even doubt there was a party that got cancelled.

Ask a lot of questions.

You come across as a gentle, well mannered young man. She sees that in you.
But HIM? He's a "stud" in her eyes. Someone who takes what he wants. That makes a lot of women curious and more than a little hot.

It isn't your fault. She is who she is.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:52 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

Personally. I would walk away, and make it meaningful.
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Old 12-24-2012, 03:27 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

I think the chances you're getting anywhere near the real truth is nil. I think she wants to confess and is gauging how you accept the 'kissing' lies.

I think it's time to sit her down and tell her that you either get the whole truth, right now, or she leaves. If she hems and haws, show her the door. I realize how painful that can be, but for you to allow her to lie like this vindicates her and this will happen again. And again. And again until you finally have enough of it.

Or, you can continue to believe what appears to be an obvious lie.
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Old 12-24-2012, 03:42 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

If you want to stay with her she has to go for a polygraph test though I don't know why you would.
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Old 12-24-2012, 03:59 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

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Personally. I would walk away, and make it meaningful.
Yeah me too...I'd go round to his house and show him what 'meaningful' actually is ...then dump her ass.
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:13 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

Betrayed spouse fog.

Ah well, he has to think there was no sex because if there was he wouldn't be able it sweep it under the rug as easily.

Hes actually buying the load of crap she sold him, his marriage is doomed.
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:18 PM   #29 (permalink)
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If you feel that you "must" be married, cancel your contract with her and see if you can find a woman who will be more worried about keeping YOU than you having to trust her doing the right thing when you aren't around.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:17 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: She kissed him.. And it was meaningful..

I'm going to offer up a different suggestion than dump her.

Here's what I suggest. Get your marriage annulled. That's right, end the marriage. But don't dump her. Tell her after you and she are no longer officially married she needs to write out every detail of what happened. Tell her all of it will be confirmed by a polygraph test so she had better make sure its all true. Then if she passes the polygraph test you will wait a year to make sure she is well and truly devoted to you. Then and only then will you remarry her. If what she has told you is the truth she will have no reason to balk at any of this because the end result is you and she will still be married. But if she is trickle truthing you or outright lying to you then she will not agree to this and you will have your answer.
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