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I think my wife cheated on me.

120K views 240 replies 54 participants last post by  weightlifter 
#1 ·
Hello everyone.

I think my wife has cheated on me. It came to me completely out of the blue, I was paying our verizon bill and saw about 1000 messages with a particular number. I asked her if she was texting anyone and received lies in response. Afterwards I looked up this number through some services online and found out that it was some guy. I confronted her the second time on this issue and asked her to show me the messages if she has nothing to hide and if he is just friend to her. The thing that hurts is that she lied the first time I asked her...

I also know that they went out for lunch a couple times and she never picked up her phone during the time she was out for lunch with this guy. She did tell me about that after the fact, that she went out with him.

I told her like a million times if there is nothing to hide from why do you hide your texts, lock your phones and etc... I do admit I went a little head over the heels with this and might be a little possessive.

So I think I have done something I should not have, I did snoop her sky conversation with this guy and emails. And oh man! She does call him babe and he calls her bonita... her signatures in emails are "your bonita". I did confront her on this one, I could not hold it back...... and she said that they were just emotional friends and that it is nothing for her.... I also saw in one of the emails that she is trying to let him go. The guy tells her that she loves her.... Never saw anything about love from my wife though..... never saw anything about sex either... just that they guy said that she gave him some moments that he wanted all his life. But I can believe that this level of communication can exist without some kind of intimacy. She swears that she never crossed this line and gets pretty defensive about it, something among this line - "how could you ever think I would do this! I am not a hoe"

I just can't believe it. It hurts so much right now! I feel so betrayed... I am freaking ready to die for this women on any day and this is what I get back.... I just don't know what to do now. I asked her to stop any conversations with that guy if she wants to get our marriage out of this situation, she said she did but I know she did not(she thinks I am an idiot??). I lost all my sleep, I can't be productive anymore.... All I think about is this situation.... I really don't know how to recover now... I am thinking about just going away...
I just don't know what to do next...
 
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#136 ·
Put her stuff in garbage bags. Is her mom nearby? It's true she has the right to be there but most people don't know/push it. Change the locks. All you need is screwdriver usually. Often time the wayward wife comes in while you are not there and takes your stuff. This happens a lot.
 
#138 ·
Met,

My heart goes out to you. This is tough to take at a young age and a relatively new marriage. You are gaining a great deal of wisdom through this experience and other than getting rid of your dead weight this is the only other benefit.

Please do not get jaded on relationships because of this, but let it provide a framework and foundation for who you will share the rest of your life with. Be honest and frank about your expectations. Lean on the folks here because they will help you out.
 
#140 ·
I just found out something.... guys and gals... I am just hurt so much! I can't see her and hear her anymore! If there was only her left in the entire world I'd rather **** a pile of manure all the time! I just feel so dirty that I fell for this **** and had bonding sex with her after I found out about text messages... If I had a doubt in my mind before... there is no more! and I know for sure what I am doing right now. Changing the locks tomorrow and meeting with attorney on the second of Jan...

All I want in the future is to be able to trust....
 
#143 ·
Anger is okay - but channel it into positive actions as suggested: trash bags to MIL, change locks, go dark.

Don't put another ounce of effort into her. Not another thought. Go out with friends. Set the D in motion and take a week off if you can. Go skiing or to a resort - even for a few days.

Get yourself in better physical shape and channel your anger there too. Set some personal goals.
 
#145 ·
So I guys and gals! I am drunk right now so pardon for my curses and bad english.

When I confronted her she stayed for a for three days at my friends' house... Because I said she was unfaithful...

And one of this days when I drove to their house and talked to her about our marriage and this situation for about 10-15 minutes trying to fix our marriage. After that she left my car and came back to the friends house. My good friend was not asleep... and she noticed that right after I left, her boy(lover) drove up to the house and picked her up and she came back at home at 6am...... I did not know about this for a couple of days and now I know this.... They came to me today and told me about this...

Many of you guys and gals went through this bull**** and only you can feel what I feel right now that is why I think a lot of you are on this forum.... I am a freaking grown man and I am crying like a pathetic baby right now. Not because of losing her but because of losing someone that I loved, let the person be a fake or completely none existent person... I don't know
 
#147 ·
Put the booze away. (in the cupboard, I mean!) and get some rest.
Be sure to lock up the house tight or she will show up w a broken down pick up truck to clean you out.
 
#148 ·
I really don't care at this point. she can take all of this **** from the house except for my laptop...

I am going to cancel our joint account with Verizon tomorrow also... And block her number if she decides to message me or call me. All of her **** is in the front yard in the garbage bags... To avoid her I am staying at my friends house today... Uhh oh I just feel so dirty and low that I had sex with her after all of this bull crap...
 
#153 ·
You said you have gone to stay with a friend for a while---make sure you DO NOT vacate your home---if this D., gets ugly and she has a bulldog for an tty, he/she will go after you for ABANDONMENT-----stay NC, on her, and make sure when it all falls apart for her, and IT WILL---you do not let her manipulate you into allowing her back---for she will make the attempt, you can count on it------cuz her lover cannot take care of her, as you have been, and she is gonna start to want things she is not getting

Tell her to come get her belongings, give her a time to pick them up by---and if she doesn't, w/in your time frame---- then anything she has purchased with marital money---give to the SALVATION ARMY, you can give her the receipt---see how she enjoys dealing with that---"but since she abandoned her belongings---you thought they might help someone in need"

Time to treat her for what she has become---remember, this person you now deal with---IS NOT THE GIRL YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH AND MARRIED!!!!!
 
#156 ·
Going with the odds. How many people from the Iberian penninsula are in America?

Could be South American. Could be Philipine or Puerto Rican. But he's a native spanish speaker trying to pull a Ricco Suave to screw your wife.

And you are lying on the floor taking it wrapped around a bottle of booze.

Don Corleone said it best.
 
#160 ·
Get some sleep Metl.

Today will be a new day.

Remember this:

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot. Never ever insist yourself on someone who continuously over looks your worth.
Go find someone worthy of you!

Your wife obviously is not. Be glad you were not married long or had any kids with her.

Hm64
 
#165 ·
Methinks your friends are your best resource for the emotional part. This board for the technical part.

Go to the gym, bulk up, find a hotter one with some actual loyalty. Success is the best revenge.
 
#175 ·
I can be completely wrong but your wife comes across as someone with a personality disorder.

Just make yourself aware of this stuff, so you can make a informed decision.

Look at this link

Personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Borderline personality disorder:
Histrionic personality disorder:
Narcissistic personality disorder :

read more about these 3 if you can and check if the patterns match.

Or if you are seeing a therapist, discuss with him about your wife so that you can handle her manipulations(intrinsic) better.


I am not a qualified professional so take this advice for what it is worth.
 
#178 · (Edited)
Tina Swithin: Communicating With A Narcissist: Using The Narc Decoder

Article on problems related to divorcing a person with NPD. Couldn't hurt for you to know some of this -just in case.

From the article:
"Since narcissists believe that the world revolves around them, or that it should, they think they can reinvent reality and no one should question them. Even though they know that what they're writing or saying is stretching the truth, they think that they are so clever about it that they will fool the recipient into going along with them."
 
#181 ·
She definitely sounds like one of the Cluster B personalities. Narcissist with a histrionic flair.

You won't win this one, Met. Let the other guy take her off your hands.

Sorry, you bought a lemon.
 
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