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I think my wife cheated on me.

120K views 240 replies 54 participants last post by  weightlifter 
#1 ·
Hello everyone.

I think my wife has cheated on me. It came to me completely out of the blue, I was paying our verizon bill and saw about 1000 messages with a particular number. I asked her if she was texting anyone and received lies in response. Afterwards I looked up this number through some services online and found out that it was some guy. I confronted her the second time on this issue and asked her to show me the messages if she has nothing to hide and if he is just friend to her. The thing that hurts is that she lied the first time I asked her...

I also know that they went out for lunch a couple times and she never picked up her phone during the time she was out for lunch with this guy. She did tell me about that after the fact, that she went out with him.

I told her like a million times if there is nothing to hide from why do you hide your texts, lock your phones and etc... I do admit I went a little head over the heels with this and might be a little possessive.

So I think I have done something I should not have, I did snoop her sky conversation with this guy and emails. And oh man! She does call him babe and he calls her bonita... her signatures in emails are "your bonita". I did confront her on this one, I could not hold it back...... and she said that they were just emotional friends and that it is nothing for her.... I also saw in one of the emails that she is trying to let him go. The guy tells her that she loves her.... Never saw anything about love from my wife though..... never saw anything about sex either... just that they guy said that she gave him some moments that he wanted all his life. But I can believe that this level of communication can exist without some kind of intimacy. She swears that she never crossed this line and gets pretty defensive about it, something among this line - "how could you ever think I would do this! I am not a hoe"

I just can't believe it. It hurts so much right now! I feel so betrayed... I am freaking ready to die for this women on any day and this is what I get back.... I just don't know what to do now. I asked her to stop any conversations with that guy if she wants to get our marriage out of this situation, she said she did but I know she did not(she thinks I am an idiot??). I lost all my sleep, I can't be productive anymore.... All I think about is this situation.... I really don't know how to recover now... I am thinking about just going away...
I just don't know what to do next...
 
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#183 ·
You need to take this very very seriously and act with an RO. Your wife is going to escallate things if you don't.

You once thought she was faithful - and now you know that's not true.

You once thought she was caught and remorseful - now you know it was another lie by her.

Don't get caught again giving her the benefit of the doubt - you get burned every time.
 
#187 ·
Be sure to call 911 immediately every time she makes any kind of threat. Get this stuff documented. It also conveys to her that you are not going to be manipulated or frightened.

Have a VAR on you at all times. Back up the recordings off site in several places so she cannot destroy your evidence.

If you own any weapons get them out of the house. Guns, knives, bayonets, swords, etc. Once she is not living in your home you could consider a self defense weapon but again be sure you have that VAR going at all times to defend against false charges.

Have you ever seen someone fired from a job because the boss doesn't like them? They have to create a record, so the boss writes up the employee for something bogus. The employee is innocent so he doesn't fight it. He figures just lay low and it will blow over. Then the 2nd write up happens and he has no real defense because he is already a known problem as shown by the first write up. Then comes strike 3 and he is fired.

Don't be that employee in this divorce! Don't let anything slide. Document everything and CYA with VAR.
 
#205 ·
I would only get rid of weapons while she has access to the home. Or at least deactivate them and make sure everything is locked up. One worry is her getting to them and the other is making a false statement. When the cops show up and she says he was threatening her with a XYZ he can tell the cops there are no guns in the house and even show them the empty gun safe.

This doesn't protect him totally. The mom of my best friend growing up thought her husband was cheating. She waited until he fell asleep on night then stabbed him in the chest multiple times with a large kitchen knife.

Once a STBX is out of the house it is a different scenario altogether.
 
#189 ·
No weapons in the house. Everything is recorded on the VAR. Cops came twice, when she crashed my car + when she wrote some suicidal texts to me... I will try to call her mom and ask her to talk into moving back with her to NC... I think her OM dumped her or she dumped him.... She did not contact him or anything like that.
 
#193 ·
Batsh!t crazy women may be fun to play with but they aren't much fun when things go bad. You are seeing this now. I'm sure her AP is seeing this as well. She is toxic to be around. Go dark with her. Maybe she will get help but its no longer your problem.
 
#195 ·
She's upset that she is losing control over you. She loved it when you were all concerned about her. Perfect control. Hubby wringing his hands, boytoy holding hers and kissing her asss.
 
#197 ·
I'm a little confused over who is living where at the moment. I thought she was out and you were in the house. Then I saw where you were staying with friends.

You need to be in the house and she needs to be NOT in the house with you.

And don't fall for any of her BS. She is just upset that she lost her free ride and financial support.

Her soul still aches for him. (Almost threw up in my mouth typing that).

Stay strong and watch your back. When the suicide threats and "I can't live without you" doesn't work, she and her "soulmate" might try something physical or destructive.
 
#199 ·
Do not be too sure about no men at the moment. OM is only a student and can not support her. This is a lifestyle hit.

You do have to tie off the OM end. Show the cops the skype about the conversation where she is talking about you being a danger to OM. Tell them you are concerned that he make think everything is true. Once they stop by him, he will be gone.

You also want all this on record now and not try to explain later. The one who files first always controls the story. Always take control.
 
#206 ·
Met said there are no weapons (well, guns anyway) in the house. Wish he would post to say he is alright.
 
#210 ·
I went to the house to get some of my stuff... She was crying a begging me to stay, and that life has no meaning for her... I was almost sold on this. It was so hard..... After I left.. I know that she called her OM and talked with him for 35 minutes....
You knew this was going to happen right? Her meal ticket has dumped her so she needs to find another one right away, without losing another minute.

I really don't want to stay in that house. It will be way harder for me to cope with this crap...
Sorry if I missed it but is the house mortgaged or leased under your name?
 
#214 ·
Here is what you do,

Option 1. Record these I can't live without you messages and send them to the OM.

Option 2. Next time you encounter her and leave, you know she's going to call the OM. Do then you should start texting him some side comments like.

Wow, have you noticed all she talks about is herself?
Her, her, her, I guess you'll have to get used to it, I'm done wasting my time on her,
....

And so on. Keep texting him, heck even call hum for say 30 min when you think they are talking. Just really annoy him.
 
#224 ·
Metluser, you saved yourself a whole lot of future agony by wrapping this thing up nice and quick, good for you. She'll continue to attempt to pull you back into the marriage, and maybe even succeed, that's up to you, but one thing is certain, she now knows you'll bring down a hammer on any bad behavior swiftly and decisively, and that earned you a lot of respect. And whether a woman knows it or not, respect for a man is a major component in the attraction scale. So regardless of how bad you may feel, give yourself a pat on the back, you did good.

T
 
#227 ·
It is going alright. The papers are filed.

She is trying to get me back right now.
She says that she will do anything to prove that she did not have physical affair with him... To me it looks like he dumped her or something. By the way this guy tried to call me a couple of times.
 
#232 ·
Personally I like Tony's approach. If he calls again simply say, "If I were you I'd disappear because I'm about to disappear. And if you're smart, that scares you. Because I'll be in your blind spot. And I have nothing better to do since you took my wife from me you slimy son of a b!tch."

With apologies to Jack Reacher.
 
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#239 · (Edited)
Seriously how does she think she can show you she didn't do anything with him? Is she gonna open her ***** and say "Smell it hubby"?

Does she know that you know about the affair and about the online conversations? How on earth can someone lie so brazenly after getting caught, I can never understand.

Btw, he effed your life up, why are you keeping the fact that he is an illegal covered up? It's not the time to play a frigging white knight. Make him see that what he did has consequences.
 
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