fairydust

Just curious how many other spouses are like mine.

Big time issues with communication. Here's what I got today and it's the usual response from him.

Me: When are we going to discuss things?
He knows I'd like to separate as the emotional connection is gone (due to lack of communication). He doesn't see a problem. This was the conversations even before me wanting to leave.

Him: I don't want to hear this right now.

Me: When are we going to talk?

Him: I don't know, I'm on my way to work (he wasn't)

Other famous phrase : I haven't decided.

I get this ALL the time. I'd love to know how many men are like this.

Hummingburd

Mine was and is like that also, he wants to avoid the topic at all costs even if it means starting an argument or being mean just to push me away. He says that we have talked about everything that needs to be talked about and to bring it back up constantly is just repeating what he has already told me and I just need to get over it now because I am holding up our marriage getting better because I refuse to let go and move forward! I feel for u! It is not a comfortable place, not having anyone that cares to listen and will be there to talk to u about the immediate problem and work together, hence why we are all here having the need to talk to someone

Blanca

Just from what you wrote above, it sounds like your H feels attacked, and even hopeless. maybe he feels like no matter what he tries its never good enough for you? or maybe he thinks that being a 'man' means not sharing his feelings.

My H used to be really bad at communicating. He used to just say nothing was wrong and sometimes he wouldnt even talk. but we've both worked really hard at changing ourselves and so he communicates a lot more now. sometimes he talks so much i get shocked. but i try not to be judgmental of his feelings, or project everything on to myself. i try to listen and figure out how he feels, instead of wondering what it all means in regards to my happiness. If it affects me, i try to let him know in a non accusatory manner but always thinking he shoudl do what is best for him and i should handle my own happiness.

__________________

Sandy55

Me: When are we going to talk about getting/doing XYZ???
DH: I have a trip I'm leaving on, I don't know.
Me: I need your input, so we can get this show on the road....
DH: Sorry I don't have time....

(REPEAT SCENARIO THREE TIMES....for each request)

Me (many times over 24 years):

"DH, I bought":
1986: A CAR, REFRIGERATOR
1988: A COUCH, ENTERTAINMENT CENTER, CHAIRS
1990: A VAN
1990: I LEFT AS HE WASN'T LISTENING...
2003: A CRIB, DESK
2005: PACKED US UP AND MOVED
2007: A HOUSE
2008: A DOG
2009: A JEEP

I give it a "three strikes you don't talk with me and I do what I gotta do...."

My DH used to say: "WHY on earth do you make all these UNILATERAL decisions without me????" DUH?

LIFE DOES NOT STOP BECAUSE SOMEONE WON'T DISCUSS THINGS! If I waited for my DH to get ready to discuss things I'd be an old angry woman.

fairydust

Hummingburd I think were married to the same man.

Blanca: how did you get your H to talk? Several times I told my H exactaly what I need from him. I told him I want to know about my last 18 years with him (because I'm sure there were more A's) and that I wasn't planning on leaving just wanted a fresh start to move on with him.

justean

trying to discuss the divorce was just a no go . but i suppose communcation in these circumstances are difficult in these situations when your the one being divorced.

but i found this in the majority of my situations - things were just chucked under the carpet and not faced on by the ex to be. if they were then issues wouldnt have built up and the likelihood of ppl getin divorced would probably reduce.

Genki455

my wife is a hard one to get info out of. mostly because of her past but it is getting better.... sometimes frustrating but hey... i love her :-)