Twelve months ago my wife of 12 years informed me that while she was employed as a flight attendant, she would have "relations" with pilots. With her job, she would fly to Hong Kong, and stay three nights at the crew hotel. During these layovers she would have sex with pilots that were also staying at the hotel. She confessed that over a two year period, she had "relations" with 7 different men, dozens of times. It has been a year now since I was told the news. I went through many stages, rage, hate, hurt, humiliation. She told me about it because she had gone through a "true conversion" and hoped that I would/could love her for who she truly is. I have almost forgiven her as Christ instructed us to forgive, but the memories still linger, the pain is still present. I have read many threads here, and none of them refer to the vows we all took. "For better or worse... until death do we part". I did not vow to stay together as long as she did nothing that hurt me, but it is very very difficult.
Here are a couple of random thoughts that might help you sort this out.
1. "Love her for who she is
?" What does that mean? Love an adulterer? Does she intend for you to love her "as is" or is she truly repentant and does she vow to change her ways?
2. Forgiving doesn't mean condoning. Forgiving doesn't mean that there are no consequences. You can forgive a criminal, but there still is a penalty that must be paid. You know this.
3. She broke her vows to you. You are not required to stay with an adulterer. Or an abuser. What I'm trying to tell you is that not all
marriages are forever. It's okay to walk away from this as she broke her vows to you first. Speak to a religious counselor, someone you trust. They will tell you.
4. As to your wedding vows themselves, did you both not vow to "forsake all others"? Did she not break that vow? More than once? You have very right to feel betrayed. You were. You have every right to feel hurt. She hurt you.
5. And in your heart of heart, do you really believe she had a true conversion?