My husband and I have been married for a little over three years. We have a child together and I thought we were happy. I know every relationship has it's ups and downs but I never thought in a million years that I would be facing what I'm dealing with. He is military and we are stationed overseas right now.
This past summer he went back to the states for a school and while he was gone slept with two different women and attempted a third and fourth time but did not succeed thank god. The one woman is 8 years older than him and the other is a few years older than me. He is 42 and I am 30.
The sad part is all of these women knew he was married and they didn't care. I've talked to all of them. They outright, blatantly had no respect for my marriage, myself, or my child.
He ruined his 1st and 2nd marriage doing the same stuff. He assured me he had learned his lesson and knew what he could lose along with the fact that he didn't want to have any problems between he and I. I believed him and gave him a chance along with the stipulations that he had to get rid of all his old e-mails, any internet accounts, and get a new number to start over fresh.
I found out when I had to back up his phone when he lost some pictures and all the text messages and pictures came back.
Lisa is the one he apparently carried on a relationship with. He only was with her a month and he told her he loved her, was staying with her at her house and she was coming over to his hotel room. He went dancing with her even though he's never taken me and he would check on her. He even seemed to get jealous over her when some guy was trying to talk to her and she told him about it. He even sent a picture of her to his mother ...... I cannot believe the amount of disrespect.
Staria is the older one he slept with on our anniversary. I called him a few times and couldn't get ahold of him. Lo and behold it was because he was in bed with her. She left him a vulgar message about could he still smell her in his room :/
All the while his friends in this class were egging him on. They were making a sick game of going to bars and hooking up with random women and then talking about it afterwards. Covering for one another, etc.
He swears up and down that he didn't mean anything he ever told Lisa. That he was blowing smoke up her tail in order to get what he wanted. That he loves me and wants to make this marriage work, but then I found out the night before he flew out she stayed with him and every night that week.
I made him get an STD check at the clinic which was embarrassing for us both and he had to explain to the clinic commander why he was doing it.
I want to believe him, that he honestly knows he made a mistake, but I am having a really hard time considering his past. Now all I can think about is, is he here because he wants to be here, or because he got caught and knows he can get in major trouble.
Why does he care so much now when he didn't care before? Why did he do this to me if he says he get's everything he needs from me and that he is happy with me. Why did he do it if I did nothing to cause it.
We've been to counseling but I feel like he is just saying what I want to hear because in all honestly I have now realized that, that is what he is good at. He can tell people what they want to hear in order to get what he wants or to take the attention off of him.
I'm so confused. I am driving myself crazy over this. I don't feel like myself. Most of all now anytime he's gone any amount of time I have these crazy thoughts running through my head or whenever he's on the phone or computer.
I don't know what to do. When I talked to these other women they didn't know about each other, so I guess they really were just hookups like he said but then they are telling me he talked about me behind my back, that he said we were having problems and that he wanted a divorce, but when I talk to him everything is fine......
He won't talk to me about the situation at all. He just says he knows he made a mistake and he's trying to correct it.
I need advice.