Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

My Story

71K views 282 replies 33 participants last post by  sandc 
#1 · (Edited)
<Sigh> I have read a ton of these since D-Day so I will try to include all relevant details. I feal like I need to get my story out there even though It seems I have already found a hundred just like it, I guess I havent found the answers I am looking for.

I am 35 W is 34 married 14 years 2 kids 14 and 9. In hindsight I will preface my story and say that I think I have not paid as much attention to my wife as I should have for going on 2 years now. I chose to hang out with my buddies and drink beers over her company on many occasions.

Ok, so we built and closed on our first house this past year as well. During the final few weeks prior to Closing on our new house we lived in a Hotel room. One night in the hotel room we got into a fight and my wife left with the kids. I did not think much of the fight at the time (my concern was that she come back to the same hotel room and not waste money on a second room), but this is where my story begins. Appearantly, after she left our room that night she began talking to an old high school ex BF (on the phone & in another state). She did come back to our room that night and did not "waste" any money on a second room. So in my mind, life goes on. Over the next few weeks I start noticing she is going for walks by herself. or running errands without our kids (she has always done EVERYTHING with our kids).

After we closed on our house I thought things would have a sort of return to normalcy. I was WAY wrong. The week after we closed on our first home, she insisted on taking a trip without me or our kids back east to visit her mother. I could not understand why she would want to take such a trip only a week after we closed on our house, but her mother can be very controlling and she said her mother had insisted she make it in for some family BBQ. After she returned from her trip she was back to her same tricks more errands less kids lots of alone time and began acting suspicious. I have never been a jealous husband, in fact, I am less bothered by other men hitting on my wife than she is (she is a very attractive woman). I have always been very confident in her love for me.

About 2 months after the night of the fight in the hotel, I came home a little tipsy one night and having had suspicions for the first time in my life with this woman I grabbed her cell phone as she was texting away next to me in our bed. She immediately looked shocked and scared that I was about to uncover something BIG, and she broke down and began crying. I tried to unlock the phone but did not know the password, so she said to give it to her and she would type it in...but she wanted to tell me first before I read anything, which I agreed too.

She proceeded to tell me she had been talking to her highschool ex for a few months now and she was thinking about leaving me. she admitted to an EA but denied that it had gotten physical. By the time she was finished telling me of EA she had slipped into her phone and deleted all text messages, so I'm not sure what evidence got erased. I suppose this was my first eye opening...I did not get any sleep that night, I couldnt understand what she was telling me or how that could happen (Why didnt she talk to me?) the next day I took off work and told her was going to work on forgiving her and that I wanted our marriage to work, she offered to delete her Facebook turn her phone off whatever it took she was in, "lets save the marriage".

As time went on I noticed her suspicious behavior just became more suspicious locking herself in the bathroom for extended periods of time multiple times a day etc. So I logged into my cell phone account and began looking at cell phone activity. AH HA she is calling and texting this guy every day multiple times a day and he too. I decide to use this new information as a sort of barometer to gauge my sucess with her. I wont tell her I know about the texts and calls and eventually they will slow and cease.

Nope, they continue and I begin to feel betrayed daily. now 4 months from the hotel room fight we blow up at each other. She says she is gone and I am almost in agreement. But no I calm her down a few hours later, explain to her that our love is strong and that neither one of us has a chance as long as she is continuing the EA. She agrees and all communication appears to cease (at least off the cell phone bill) I believe she is still talking to the guy through any of a hundred other ways that I cant track, but decide I am going to beat him and win. I become super husband / super dad. This only pisses her off more. It seems the harder I try to win her affection the angrier she gets at me. So I try harder.

ok so 6 months after the hotel fight she she buys plane tickets for her and our kids to go back east to her mothers. She did this behind my back but I found the bank statement charges and confronted her. She was very nice about it and said, that she had to buy them when she did they were the last seats blah blah and she didnt think I would mind but she also didnt have enough money to buy my ticket. Well I (being superhusband) agree to her and the kids going to her mothers afterall what could she do, our kids are with her.

Well once she got away from me she was like a dog off the leash. I couldnt get her on the phone I would talk to my kids everyday and they would talk about mommy being out with friends. So my wife was spending alot of time out and without the kids. This grew my suspicion so I vowed to work even harder when she returned and that I should have never stayed behind. The day they returned I was very excited she would surely see how hard I was working for her affection and I would never let her out of my sight again. However after being home for about 15 minutes she told me we need to talk. I thought this was great because she had been so distant and cold for the last 6 months that we were finally going to get somewhere. She informed me that she was not happy, needed space to find herself, lost herself, needed to miss me again etc.

She had seen a lawyer a month before and looked into divorce but couldnt pull the trigger. She did however, rent an apartment 5 miles from our house (shared with one of her female coworkers who was unhappy in her marriage) and said she was moving out. She said she could not divorce me so she felt like there must be something left. She also agreed to marriage counseling (which I have propmply scheduled an appointment). We also agreed to a weekly date night. Talked about money and how we would share time with the kids. She left on Saturday. The Kids will stay with me while she works nights for half the week, then will stay with her for the second half...she is also picking up from school and stays with them in our home until I get home.

I am devastated but I have only texted her once since she left. I told her to let me know if she needed anything and that she was welcome home whenever she found what she was looking for. The day after she left we both attended my Son's basketball practice. It was extremely awkward as I did not know if I was supposed to talk to her, but I felt like an A-hole if I just sat there quiet. So I told her I was going to leave and that I supported her cause for "space" and did not feel like it was going to have it desired effect if we were around each other everyday and that we should save our conversations for date night and counseling. I have broken down several times since she left, I am strong in front of my kids but I want her to come home quickly. Sorry if this thing turned into a novel.

her txt back to me:
Thank u. I appreciate all of ur efforts and I hope we get through this. We are strong. I think I just lost myself somehow. I love our family. Im sorry for the disappointment. I've been a mess for a while now and should have never let it get to this point.
 
See less See more
#50 ·
See a lawyer first to know your rights and responsibilities. Know what she can and can't do with your kids, finances, other assets.

You may discover, as others have that in a month she will have evicted you and moved her OM in. It has happened more than you can imagine so lawyer up.

Draw divorce papers tell her she will be served in a day or two because you won't live like this. Tell her she's right, you are strong. Strong enough to go your separate way.

If she want to reconcile let HER bring it up. If she doesn't you will know what her real goal was.

If she does then she needs to reveal all that has happened with no holds barred.
No trickling of the truth. She needs to compose a no contact letter to the OM.

Needs to provide access to her email and phone for starters.

Can you do these things with courage?
 
#55 ·
She's sitting on the fence. Having her cake and eating it too.
She says you're strong. She's a liar. She sees you as weak because you have only groveled, pleaded, and bent to her will. All unattrctive characteristics, same ad chasing after her.

If you push the way you should it will force her from her comfy fence. You need to know where she stands.She knows but sees no advantage in telling you or consequence in remaining silent about her plans.

Let her know there is a consequence.
 
#56 ·
The reason you need to file is because you are demonstrating, by your actions, that you will not tolerate the sh!t she is pulling. It means you are dead serious.

The "I need space" crap is, as has already been said, cheater-talk for "I want to continue my affair".

We've been where you are, HH. Trust the advice you've been given.

See a lawyer tomorrow to educate yourself on your state's D laws. Take the day off work if you need to. This is important.

If you push, and she runs, then she is already gone.
 
#58 ·
HH, you're probably not sleeping much.:(

Spend some time tonight and read some of the other cheating wife posts here. It will help you gain confidence regarding what your next steps should be. Up to this point, you've pretty much done all the wrong things regarding your WW's affair. We are giving you some harsh, but needed, advice.

Stay strong. Reach between your legs. Still there? Good.

If you want to save your marriage, you have to be willing to lose it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: OldWolf57
#183 ·
You're going to have to give her a Come to Jesus talk. Straight and to the point. Here's the deal: if she wants to be with OM, you can't stop her; she's a big girl who will have to sink or swim with her decisions.

She's going to need to tell you NOW what it's going to be. If it's OM, she needs to pack her bags and get out. WITHOUT THE KIDS.

If she wants to stay, she needs to send a No Contact letter to OM and tell him that she is thoroughly ashamed, as a married woman, of her actions with him. She will NEVER contact him again, and will never ACCEPT contact from him again. She intends to rebuild her marriage and will never again expose her husband and children to the heartache of her actions with OM.

After that:
- She changes her cell phone number
-She blocks OM from her emails account
- She gives you all of her passwords
-You put a keylogger (without her knowledge!) on her computer
-You put spyware (without her knowledge!) on her phone
-You put a VAR (without her knowledge!) in her car.
-You buy Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley (get it on amazon.com) This will be your handbook to recovering your marriage.

What do you know about OM? You need to expose this to his family. Is he married? If so, his wife will be invaluable for you. You need to let her know what they're up to. Have you done this yet?
 
#60 ·
Step 1.

talk with a lawyer. educate yourself.

Step 2.

draw up divorce papers

step 3.

talk with your wife with divorce papers in hand

If you lack the funds to retain a lawyer, download some state-appropriate divorce papers and fill them out. show her you are serious.

Don't grovel or beg her to come back. Tell her she ends the affair or you are filing. Tell her you have enough self-respect that you will not tolerate her behavior in your marriage.

Be prepared for her to wig out. She'll blame you, lie, trickle truth, sob, who knows. Just be prepared, and act like Cool Hand Luke. Be as unemotional as you can.
 
#62 ·
Your lack of action and stand-offishness in this whole thing if baffling.

Your behavior in going out with friends for beers and neglecting your wife IS part of this equation, but it DOES NOT justify her cheating.

It is hard to make a plan when you don't know what's going on - and you're clueless. Luckily, we see this so much we can figure it out just based on what little you gave us.

Assume the following is true unless you find out definitively otherwise:

1. Your wife and other man have told each other they are soul mates and destined to be together. They have met up during each of her trips back east and had sex as many times as they could.

2. Your wife and other man would be together already if not for their kids and their jobs. They both have seen lawyers and they both know that they can not just up and take the kids out of state to live away from the other parent. Also, they need their jobs.

3. They are making plans to be together. They have pledged "not to give up on each other" or some such. They are in contact every single day - the first thing they do each morning and the last thing they do each night is contact each other.

When you confronted your wife originally about this situation, she immediately and sincerely pledged to work on the marriage and then she proceeded to not work on the marriage one little bit, and, as a matter of fact, increased contact, spent hours upon hours in the locked bathroom, and got angrier and angrier at you. THAT is what we are talking about when we say watch the actions, not the words. By the way, your trying to be a better husband had zero effect on her anger towards you. It did not cause her anger nor did it relieve it. No matter how you acted, you only were an obstacle between her and a perfect life with other man. That's why she was angry.

So she saw a lawyer, he told her she could not take the kids away from you without an agreement. She planned to move out and did. Now she can contact other man whenever she pleases without your unwelcome and unapproving glances. Also, she now has an UNLIMITED amount of time to make plans with other man. You have been NEUTRALIZED and are now IRRELEVANT to her plans. She will be pleasant to you as long as you KNOW YOUR PLACE and DO AS YOU ARE TOLD. She will throw you a bone like marriage counseling, but she WILL NOT TELL THE TRUTH and will not make any true effort. She will just go through the motions.

Your marriage MAY be salvageable. It may not.

Your story is not unique. Your wife is not unique. You are not 1unique. Your situation is very common. There always are a few variables, but nothing significantly different. Cheaters follow a very predictable script. Betrayed spouses also follow the script. The plot outline could take one of a few courses, like bad TV movies. You and your wife both are following the script to a T.

Your wife is "fence-sitting" and "eating cake." She is "in love" with the other man. This will run its course on its own. In about a year, or two, maybe at longest three. That's how long it takes to get over the "in love" feeling, which eventually turns into the kind of love you and your wife have for each other, the more mature settled kind of love, not the exciting, not-knowing-what's-going-to-happen-next, butterfly-in-the-stomach love. After the "in love" feeling wears off, your wife may stay with the other man out of habit for a year or a few more. Then she will contact you via Facebook, remembering only the good times, and want to reunite with you. If she doesn't meet anyone else in between. So, if you follow your current course, you might have your wife back in 7-10 years or so.

Your wife wants the safety of you at home and the excitement of her new lover. She's not going to give up either unless you force her to (or unless the other man gets hit by a bus, struck by lightning, finds someone else, or otherwise dumps her).

You can wait until hell freezes over and it still won't be enough time for your wife to decide to stay with you. The only way you are going to save your marriage is to end the affair. That is the first step and no guarantee that you can save your marriage.

Your wife is "in love" with the other man, which means she is infatuated, gets butterflies in the stomach, like a teenager with a crush. Her "affair" with the other man is pure fantasy-land; none of the harsh realities of life intrudes. In her affair with him, she does not have to pick up his dirty underwear off the floor, do laundry, cook, clean, or deal with any of life's unpleasantness. With him, there is only I love you's, sex, and talk of living in a perfect fantasy world together. Of course, no such perfect fantasy world awaits your wife, and somewhere deep down she knows that, but a big part of her wants to believe in that fantasy, just like you want to believe that she will come to her senses on her own. She won't.

Right now, she likes the fact that she can still have her other man knowing you will be there as a backup in case it falls through. She is sitting on the fence eating cake.

There is a reason she hasn't left you for him - what is it? The kids? The job? Other man's hesitance to leave his wife and family? If she is in love with him and they are soulmates destined to be together since high school, why hasn't she left you for him yet?

Your first step is to talk to your wife. Get her alone without the kids around. Tell her that you love her and are sorry for whatever legitimate gripes she has against you, that you will improve yourself and improve your marriage, that you feel your marriage will be better than ever if you try to reconcile. Next, tell her that although you feel this way, you cannot go on this way any longer waiting in the wings as she takes her time and decides. Give her one day to decide. Tell her no decision means she chooses other man. Tell her you took vows together, you've been married many years, have had children together, and have been through life's ups and downs together and you don't plan on waiting any longer as her "backup plan" while she continues her affair with the other man.

If your wife does choose to commit to the marriage, she agrees to give up all contact with the other man now and forever, handwrite a no contact letter to the other man, move back in, tell you the full truth of her affair, and give you complete transparency of all her communication devices and accounts. If she can't agree to this, file for divorce. Don't threaten it, just do it.

Divorce is a long process. You can always stop it if your wife comes to her senses. If not, you save yourself months and months of pain and unhappiness, which ends in a bad result anyway.

If your wife does not want to meet your conditions and work on the marriage, start moving on with your life. Stop engaging with her as your wife, and start engaging with her as your soon-to-be-ex-wife. Be pleasant, but not romantic. Talk to her only as needed to discuss the divorce settlement. If you are financing her affair in any way, stop. Definitely don't pay for any means she uses to cheat on you.

Also, if she doesn't choose to re-commit to the marriage right away, expose the affair to the other man's family and friends. Expose the affair to you and your wife's family and friends. Let them know the other man's name and ask for their support in saving your family and your marriage. Don't tell your wife you are going to do this, just do it.

If you want to save your marriage, you have to be willing to lose it. You cannot "nice" your wife out of her affair.

The longer you allow this to go on, the more respect your wife is losing for you. She sees a weak-willed man who is not willing to stand up for himself. When she sees the other man, she sees a strong man who goes after what he wants and doesn't stop until he gets it. Other man may be belittling you to your wife every chance he gets. And if so she likely is listening to it and not disputing it. If the situation were reversed, do you think she would tolerate it? Why are you willing to put up with her cheating on you?
 
#226 ·
Your lack of action and stand-offishness in this whole thing if baffling.

Your behavior in going out with friends for beers and neglecting your wife IS part of this equation, but it DOES NOT justify her cheating.

It is hard to make a plan when you don't know what's going on - and you're clueless. Luckily, we see this so much we can figure it out just based on what little you gave us.

Assume the following is true unless you find out definitively otherwise:

1. Your wife and other man have told each other they are soul mates and destined to be together. They have met up during each of her trips back east and had sex as many times as they could.

2. Your wife and other man would be together already if not for their kids and their jobs. They both have seen lawyers and they both know that they can not just up and take the kids out of state to live away from the other parent. Also, they need their jobs.

3. They are making plans to be together. They have pledged "not to give up on each other" or some such. They are in contact every single day - the first thing they do each morning and the last thing they do each night is contact each other.

When you confronted your wife originally about this situation, she immediately and sincerely pledged to work on the marriage and then she proceeded to not work on the marriage one little bit, and, as a matter of fact, increased contact, spent hours upon hours in the locked bathroom, and got angrier and angrier at you. THAT is what we are talking about when we say watch the actions, not the words. By the way, your trying to be a better husband had zero effect on her anger towards you. It did not cause her anger nor did it relieve it. No matter how you acted, you only were an obstacle between her and a perfect life with other man. That's why she was angry.

So she saw a lawyer, he told her she could not take the kids away from you without an agreement. She planned to move out and did. Now she can contact other man whenever she pleases without your unwelcome and unapproving glances. Also, she now has an UNLIMITED amount of time to make plans with other man. You have been NEUTRALIZED and are now IRRELEVANT to her plans. She will be pleasant to you as long as you KNOW YOUR PLACE and DO AS YOU ARE TOLD. She will throw you a bone like marriage counseling, but she WILL NOT TELL THE TRUTH and will not make any true effort. She will just go through the motions.

Your marriage MAY be salvageable. It may not.

Your story is not unique. Your wife is not unique. You are not 1unique. Your situation is very common. There always are a few variables, but nothing significantly different. Cheaters follow a very predictable script. Betrayed spouses also follow the script. The plot outline could take one of a few courses, like bad TV movies. You and your wife both are following the script to a T.

Your wife is "fence-sitting" and "eating cake." She is "in love" with the other man. This will run its course on its own. In about a year, or two, maybe at longest three. That's how long it takes to get over the "in love" feeling, which eventually turns into the kind of love you and your wife have for each other, the more mature settled kind of love, not the exciting, not-knowing-what's-going-to-happen-next, butterfly-in-the-stomach love. After the "in love" feeling wears off, your wife may stay with the other man out of habit for a year or a few more. Then she will contact you via Facebook, remembering only the good times, and want to reunite with you. If she doesn't meet anyone else in between. So, if you follow your current course, you might have your wife back in 7-10 years or so.

Your wife wants the safety of you at home and the excitement of her new lover. She's not going to give up either unless you force her to (or unless the other man gets hit by a bus, struck by lightning, finds someone else, or otherwise dumps her).

You can wait until hell freezes over and it still won't be enough time for your wife to decide to stay with you. The only way you are going to save your marriage is to end the affair. That is the first step and no guarantee that you can save your marriage.

Your wife is "in love" with the other man, which means she is infatuated, gets butterflies in the stomach, like a teenager with a crush. Her "affair" with the other man is pure fantasy-land; none of the harsh realities of life intrudes. In her affair with him, she does not have to pick up his dirty underwear off the floor, do laundry, cook, clean, or deal with any of life's unpleasantness. With him, there is only I love you's, sex, and talk of living in a perfect fantasy world together. Of course, no such perfect fantasy world awaits your wife, and somewhere deep down she knows that, but a big part of her wants to believe in that fantasy, just like you want to believe that she will come to her senses on her own. She won't.

Right now, she likes the fact that she can still have her other man knowing you will be there as a backup in case it falls through. She is sitting on the fence eating cake.

There is a reason she hasn't left you for him - what is it? The kids? The job? Other man's hesitance to leave his wife and family? If she is in love with him and they are soulmates destined to be together since high school, why hasn't she left you for him yet?

Your first step is to talk to your wife. Get her alone without the kids around. Tell her that you love her and are sorry for whatever legitimate gripes she has against you, that you will improve yourself and improve your marriage, that you feel your marriage will be better than ever if you try to reconcile. Next, tell her that although you feel this way, you cannot go on this way any longer waiting in the wings as she takes her time and decides. Give her one day to decide. Tell her no decision means she chooses other man. Tell her you took vows together, you've been married many years, have had children together, and have been through life's ups and downs together and you don't plan on waiting any longer as her "backup plan" while she continues her affair with the other man.

If your wife does choose to commit to the marriage, she agrees to give up all contact with the other man now and forever, handwrite a no contact letter to the other man, move back in, tell you the full truth of her affair, and give you complete transparency of all her communication devices and accounts. If she can't agree to this, file for divorce. Don't threaten it, just do it.

Divorce is a long process. You can always stop it if your wife comes to her senses. If not, you save yourself months and months of pain and unhappiness, which ends in a bad result anyway.

If your wife does not want to meet your conditions and work on the marriage, start moving on with your life. Stop engaging with her as your wife, and start engaging with her as your soon-to-be-ex-wife. Be pleasant, but not romantic. Talk to her only as needed to discuss the divorce settlement. If you are financing her affair in any way, stop. Definitely don't pay for any means she uses to cheat on you.

Also, if she doesn't choose to re-commit to the marriage right away, expose the affair to the other man's family and friends. Expose the affair to you and your wife's family and friends. Let them know the other man's name and ask for their support in saving your family and your marriage. Don't tell your wife you are going to do this, just do it.

If you want to save your marriage, you have to be willing to lose it. You cannot "nice" your wife out of her affair.

The longer you allow this to go on, the more respect your wife is losing for you. She sees a weak-willed man who is not willing to stand up for himself. When she sees the other man, she sees a strong man who goes after what he wants and doesn't stop until he gets it. Other man may be belittling you to your wife every chance he gets. And if so she likely is listening to it and not disputing it. If the situation were reversed, do you think she would tolerate it? Why are you willing to put up with her cheating on you?
:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

HH, please follow Will's advice.

HH, so far you haven't followed the advice you were being given, except for exposing the affair to some of WW's family. She promptly denied any affair, and is demonizing you to her family.

Her father IS NOT in your camp. In fact, he probably called WW right after he hung up with you to "report in."

If filing for D "plays into her favor", then you have already lost her. Sorry. But, I and most of the other posters feel you are wrong. Filing for D will not play into her favor.

Not filing for D plays into her favor, because it allows her to continue the cake-eating and fence sitting.

Realize that you are option B. OM is option A. If things don't work out with OM (which could take months-years to find out), she may resort to option B with you. Or, it's possible she might have other suitors lined up by then.

"If we can make it to counseling I believe I can get her to crack and admit everything in front of a professional. She is looking for someone to OK what she is doing or has done. She will demonize me to the counselor and hope the counselor tells us, that given the circumstances what she did was normal or natural. She needs and independent perspective to validate her actions. "

Counselling doesn't work when the affair is ongoing. I think you are having unrealistic expectations of MC, and you are hoping the counselor will act the "daddy" and tell your WW that what she is doing is wrong.

Have you considered that WW will simply deny any ongoing affair in MC? That she will give the same reasons for separating that she gave to you? She needed to miss you, blah blah.?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Acabado
#63 ·
I wouldxsee axlawyer first. You need to know the lay of the land.

But whichever way you do it, I would have a VAR on me when having the confrontation. Just to be on the safe side. You don't know if she's capable of making threats etc. Remember that she has both legal advice and probably advice from her OM.

When you confront het don't be cruel, emotional, angry, hurt, etc. The minute she sees any of those she won't take what you say seriously. Be composed, thoughtful and be willing to go through periods of silence.

Know what you're going to say. Say it with confidence in a calm manner and wait for a response. Don't be afraid to use these phrases to attacks she makes:

Sorry thats my position and I'm not going to change it.

I've said all I'm going to say. Now its up to you

I'm not going to discuss that now

You'll have to adk your lawyer and I'll ask mine

HH, don't get into debates or arguments. If things start to go that way. Just say you're done talking until she calms down
 
#64 ·
@Will_Kane no offense to any of the other posters that have been helping me along through this, but that is the most rationalized balanced thought out advice I have read or received. Thank you so much! and where do I send the check ;)

@walkonmars can a VAR be admissible for legal proceeding if the WW doesn't know about it?
 
#66 ·
A few succinct answers to your wife's likely objections when you talk to her about ending the affair:

I cannot control you, I can only control myself and what I will accept and not accept in a marriage. And I am not willing to accept you having an affair with another man.

Privacy is for the bathroom; everything else is secrecy.

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
 
#71 ·
FWIW to all that have posted so far...for the first time since the bombdrop I feel empowered...Like I can actually do something about this! I feel excited that the advice I have received is my best chance at salvaging my marriage and that if I still lose my wife I know that I have given it EVERY opportunity to succeed.

I feel like I might actually get some sleep tonight :) Thanks to ALL
 
#82 ·
I think I just found the OM wife and messaged her on facebook,

"Hello My name is MYNAME I am looking for family of POS that graduated high school in City STATE Year. My wife has been having an extramarital affair with him for the past 6 months. We have 2 wonderful children an her activities have put our marriage of 14 years at great risk. If I have contacted you by mistake please accept my apologies. Thanks."
 
#84 ·
Very good. Do not be too aggressive , but be patient and open. Offer to answer any questions she wants to ask,

You'll know if you got the right OMW when your wife calls to scream at you for ruining everything. Expect phrases like how could you betray me, and why did you hurt that woman?
 
#85 ·
HH, you have two huge hurdles now.

1.) The OM is her ex-boyfriend from HS. You've got the "soulmate" effect to overcome.

2.) She now has a partner in crime/toxic friend who will empower her. (You see how we predicted the roommate was also a cheater, before you mentioned it?)

The sooner you kill this affair and get her out of that apartment, the better!

Do you know if OM has come to visit her? Hopefully he hasn't. I'm sure the plans are already there, though. Act now before he has a chance. If she gets to fvck him again, then her addiction to him will get even stronger.
 
#87 ·
Do you know if OM has come to visit her? Hopefully he hasn't. I'm sure the plans are already there, though. Act now before he has a chance. If she gets to fvck him again, then her addiction to him will get even stronger.
I don't think he has ever traveled to her...She has made the two trips back to him. I also think he is hoping to play her and this affair out for years with no intention of leaving his wife.

So It has become a big priority now for me to expose this thing to his family. I also found the OMW email and tried to email her but it was returned. Still no response to my FB msg.
 
#86 ·
I am assuming she has keys to your house and comes and goes as she pleases. Change the locks immediately. She has abandoned the family i.e. the children by moving out and being invloved in an affair. This send s a reality message. It goes without saying you do not hae keys to her place right?

Talk to an attorney asap. Let him know all this. See if he can subpeona her texts, emails, phone records and social neteworking site info. Leave no stone unturned. By abandoning her kids you should ask the attorney for an order of total primary custody. This is a huge bargaining chip and doesn't mean that is necessarily what you want.

Check out the site d*cool.com to see how cheaters manipulate their spouses.

Good luck and prayers for your familly.

Chap
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top