01-09-2013, 07:29 AM
Join Date: Dec 2012
| | Am I right to feel this way?
My wife and i will be celebrating 16 years of marriage in Feb (20 years total). Our last few years have been very difficult. It started when the real estate market crashed and my income dropped 75%. I became depressed, had a near nervous breakdown. I fought to get my health back by working out and changing my eating habits drastically.
Then i began focusing on making changes in my business to regain the income I once had. This involved me working a lot of extra time which in the end lead tme to make a career change. I started a company with two male partners. Things didnt go as id hoped and my income continue to nose dive while i worked longer and longer hours.
My wife began getting very mad at me because i was working so much and not making any money. I began looking for a full time salaried job, where all of my adult life ive worked on commission. It took me several months to find something but I did. So i now have a full time job that pays a salary plus commission.
I now only work 40 hours per week and spend all of my free time with my kids and my wife.
During the rough patch we seperated until I noticed there were hundreds of calls going out and coming in to the same phone number on my wifes cell phone. I didnt recognize the phone number so i called it and it was another man.
Long story short, my wife had been having an EA with OM for over a year. After pouring over the phone recordsi was astonished how much time these two talked. On average they talked 40 hours per month, which ismore than an hour per day. My wife has multiple close girlfriends and the calls to OM were as much as all other calls combined.
So were reconciling. I moved in the home the day I discovered. Shes not had any contact with him since.
Now as were reconciling, my wife still insists on spending a night or two away from the home with her girlfriends. Saturday she went and spent the night at a girlfriends. I made sure to confirm thats where she was at.
If she doesnt spend the night, she has a pretty regular weekly get togetherf at a near by bar with the same girlfriend and another, both of whom are either recently divorced or in the process.
These sort of regular weekly meetings are of course in addition to other girls nights with other groups of women like book club, periodic girls weekends etc...she has a girls weekend planned for March.
We used to hang out with our couples friends all the time, including the two she sees regularly now. In fact one of the girls was my friend first all the way back to highschool. They became fast friends when i introducedd them....
Anyway, im feeling like there is no time leftover for us to go out on date nights. We have a hectic schedule like everyone else, 2 young kids etc...
Ive expressed my concerns to my wife and her response is sometthing like: "im not going to ditch my girlfriends!. They were there for me during the time you were gone working."
And im not asking her to give up her friends. I do have an issue with her spending so much time with recently divorced and now single friends all the time. Im asking that we get back to what we used to do which is to spend time together with our married friends, the wifes of whom, were also among the girls who were there for her when i was working so much.
The way i look at it, is there are seasons in life. Now is a time we should be focsing on us. Yet i also realize there are benefits to spending time apart. Ive never ever been jealous or controling but before i never had a reason to be concerned about her cheating. I literally get anxiety now when she hangs out with her friends because it was in this tye of setting where she met the OM.
Am i asking too much to ask her to do away with the regular girls nights out??
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