Re: A positive thought for you
I'm right there in the despair, sorrow, and loneliness right now. I still feel like a loser, worthless, all that. I've been in bed for two days straight, only getting up to eat and use the bathroom. When I say I'm alone, I mean alone - my wife was the only person I knew in this city (we moved across the country recently). I can't imagine it getting any worse.
I also can't imagine it staying this way forever. Most of us on TAM have a few decades left to live, and really what are the odds things will stay this ****ty? This is the bottom of the barrel here. The other day I had my first genuine laugh in four months - just that one moment made that day better than the last. I look at how I was in the first few days after D-Day, and I'm not kidding, staying in bed these last two days is an improvement. I didn't eat for a week, and I slept a total of six hours over seven days. I'm still a zombie, but now I'm one of those modern-day fast zombies.
As for trust...I'll never trust anyone 100% again. But that's a good thing, because there will always be seemingly-good people out to **** you over, and now I'm more prepared for them than ever.
I don't plan on committing suicide (contemplated it, not too seriously but I wrote a note and called the hotline) so my only option is to survive. And to do that I've got to find the good in this total cluster****. Believe things will get better, force yourself to believe, and it's self-fulfilling prophecy.