cheating wife
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » cheating wife

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree33Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-10-2013, 05:25 AM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2
Default cheating wife

Hi, I am 30 year old married man. My marriage is just 6 months old. My wife hided that she was having affair before and she continued that after marriage too. She was having an affair and she was flirting around with at least 4-5 men(married and unmarried both). She was also sharing the details of what I do with her at night with them.
My wife used to talk to her friends on cellphone(mostly when I am not nearby). Since I did not let her feel that I am trying to control her, I rarely asked much about these things. And we had a very good sexual relation(Almost everyday).But she always hided the call history and her cell phone from me. But recently(last one month) I started feeling that she is being emotionally distant from me, fighting over small issues, blaming me unnecessarily, saying that I do not love her. She has taken one more cellphone and she did not give the new number to me(Even I did not ask for the new number).she started using both the cellphones. One day I saw her facebook massages and emails and discovered that she was having affair and was flirting around. I showed messeges to her. She said it is just friendship and there was fight between us that day. She started blaming that I am being suspicious.
Next day I recorded her other cellphone. She was alone at home and she was talking to a guy for almost 5 hours on phone. They were planning to have physical relation(it was also visible that she was doing this as a revenge of yesterdays fight).she had shared every development(between her and me) with him. I could not decipher whether they were already in physical relation. When I told her all this next day she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but she married to me because of my status and qualification. But I felt like I have been cheated for marriage and after marriage too. My heart was completely broken. She says that she is feeling sorry and guilty for cheating with me(for the facts she hided with me). She promised never to contact him again. She also said that If I will leave her she will be destroyed she has no one else in her life. I also love her a lot. She has aborted the second cellphone too.Now I feel close to her again but I cant trust her. I want to forgive her…..but because of her flirting and fraud nature I cant say anything about repeatation of affair with that guy or any other guy. Presently that guy is not in our city.
Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
What should I do?
mintuphy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-10-2013, 06:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 427
Default Re: cheating wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by mintuphy View Post
Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
What should I do?
Ok lets be clear. She has constantly cheated on you, took vows and signed a legal document (marridge licence has spoken of you and her intermate times with people who were seeking sexual gratification from hearing it and potentially having some time to do it with your W an we.. and you state …both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
Im not being rude here and please dont feel that. But I would feel a massive stigma if MY W went around telling people intermate details of our marridge when those people have no right to it know that is a stigma.
She has cheated, denied, lied, betrayed and broken her vows. Not once but on multipe occasions and even when you initially confront her she, you say seeks revenge by looking for sex outside your marridge. If this is the case look back at how often youve argued in the time youve been together and consider a ravenge attack after each event.
You really now need to consider IF you can actually trust her anymore. After an open descussion about staying together where it can become heated is she going to look across the net or her phone book for some guy to have a revenge attack with?
This is a new marridge 6 months old and this should be still in the honeymoon period. Yes you two could get some much needed suppport but when shes off with friends one night on a girls only party will you be happy that nothing will happen not even the heavy flirting or will you sit there wondering if tonight is the night she starts it all again. That will have a stigma to it. You need to feel confident that she is really into this marridge and not just living with you or she will look elsewhere and, it does happen to us all, when the time comes that a bumpy road is encountered in the marridge journey will she see someone else and start a cycle again but this time its further down the libne , children come into the equasion etc.
Some careful consideration of future trust is needed before you consider anything else as it appears from you post she has issues
Pault is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 06:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
lovelygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,673
Default Re: cheating wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by mintuphy View Post
Hi, I am 30 year old married man. My marriage is just 6 months old. My wife hided that she was having affair before and she continued that after marriage too. She was having an affair and she was flirting around with at least 4-5 men(married and unmarried both). She was also sharing the details of what I do with her at night with them.
My wife used to talk to her friends on cellphone(mostly when I am not nearby). Since I did not let her feel that I am trying to control her, I rarely asked much about these things. And we had a very good sexual relation(Almost everyday).But she always hided the call history and her cell phone from me. But recently(last one month) I started feeling that she is being emotionally distant from me, fighting over small issues, blaming me unnecessarily, saying that I do not love her. She has taken one more cellphone and she did not give the new number to me(Even I did not ask for the new number).she started using both the cellphones. One day I saw her facebook massages and emails and discovered that she was having affair and was flirting around. I showed messeges to her. She said it is just friendship and there was fight between us that day. She started blaming that I am being suspicious.
Next day I recorded her other cellphone. She was alone at home and she was talking to a guy for almost 5 hours on phone. They were planning to have physical relation(it was also visible that she was doing this as a revenge of yesterdays fight).she had shared every development(between her and me) with him. I could not decipher whether they were already in physical relation. When I told her all this next day she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but she married to me because of my status and qualification. But I felt like I have been cheated for marriage and after marriage too. My heart was completely broken. She says that she is feeling sorry and guilty for cheating with me(for the facts she hided with me). She promised never to contact him again. She also said that If I will leave her she will be destroyed she has no one else in her life. I also love her a lot. She has aborted the second cellphone too.Now I feel close to her again but I cant trust her. I want to forgive her…..but because of her flirting and fraud nature I cant say anything about repeatation of affair with that guy or any other guy. Presently that guy is not in our city.
Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
What should I do?
You said it yourself. It's in her nature to cheat, lie, manipulate and do things out of spite [as a revenge].
I don't know how old you guys are but she's very immature and I don't think she'll ever change.

She never loved you. She married you for security and comfortableness.
She's also afraid to remain alone if you divorce her.

This marriage is all fake and there's no love from her part.
In none of her words/actions she showed she loved you. Her actions only show how she's been using you all this time.

When you run out of your usefulness, she'll abandon you and not care one bit.

Sorry to be so blunt.

She cheated on you 6months into the marriage.
What will happen after 3 - 5- 10 years?
__________________
Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
lovelygirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 06:41 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
BjornFree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,033
Default Re: cheating wife

Dude 6 months in and no kids yet. Just thank your stars that you won't be milked dry by the courts. Get your ass out of there asap. I'm talking double time fire in the hole fast.
BjornFree is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 07:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Chaparral's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 9,315
Default Re: cheating wife

What country do you live in?
Chaparral is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 07:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Kasler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Marietta, Georgia
Posts: 1,122
Default Re: cheating wife

6 months? No kids?

Your marriage was also formed on a lie.

Annul the marriage.

You do not want to be married to someone who could lie and cheat so easily and for so long.

She will definitely do this again. She just gave you a sneak preview of married life further down the road.

Right now you can get out with very little cost to yourself.

No kids, no alimony.

5 years and 2 kids later though you'd be lucky to be living off of half your income.

Maybe you don't want to kick her to the curb just yet, but still annul the marriage. You can date her for some time, and maybe she will prove herself after some years but to stay married to her could be the biggest mistake of your life.
Kasler is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 07:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
AlphaHalf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 400
Default Re: cheating wife

Quote:
she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but she married to me because of my status and qualification.
This is all you need to know about her right here. She only married you out of status and qualification, not out of love or respect. She is sorry because she got caught. (actually she is sorry because you finally decided to take action for her cheating when you knew earlier something wasn't right.)

You love a woman who only wants to use you. Your the security blanket and the other men are her lovers. Dont worry about the social stigma because of her cheating. It not your fault and the "stigma" will only fall on her.

She only wants to reconcile because of what you have. You can't love somebody who doesn't love you and expect a happy marriage. She is using you. There are plenty of other women out there that can treat you better. Get the marriage annulled and move on. Also don't let her use sex to persuade you to stay in a false marriage. Your "wife" is not trustworthy and will continue to cheat like she has BEFORE and AFTER the marriage.
AlphaHalf is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 07:57 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
BURNT KEP's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 187
Default Re: cheating wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by mintuphy View Post
Hi, I am 30 year old married man. My marriage is just 6 months old. My wife hided that she was having affair before and she continued that after marriage too. She was having an affair and she was flirting around with at least 4-5 men(married and unmarried both). She was also sharing the details of what I do with her at night with them.
My wife used to talk to her friends on cellphone(mostly when I am not nearby). Since I did not let her feel that I am trying to control her, I rarely asked much about these things. And we had a very good sexual relation(Almost everyday).But she always hided the call history and her cell phone from me. But recently(last one month) I started feeling that she is being emotionally distant from me, fighting over small issues, blaming me unnecessarily, saying that I do not love her. She has taken one more cellphone and she did not give the new number to me(Even I did not ask for the new number).she started using both the cellphones. One day I saw her facebook massages and emails and discovered that she was having affair and was flirting around. I showed messeges to her. She said it is just friendship and there was fight between us that day. She started blaming that I am being suspicious.
Next day I recorded her other cellphone. She was alone at home and she was talking to a guy for almost 5 hours on phone. They were planning to have physical relation(it was also visible that she was doing this as a revenge of yesterdays fight).she had shared every development(between her and me) with him. I could not decipher whether they were already in physical relation. When I told her all this next day she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but she married to me because of my status and qualification. But I felt like I have been cheated for marriage and after marriage too. My heart was completely broken. She says that she is feeling sorry and guilty for cheating with me(for the facts she hided with me). She promised never to contact him again. She also said that If I will leave her she will be destroyed she has no one else in her life. I also love her a lot. She has aborted the second cellphone too.Now I feel close to her again but I cant trust her. I want to forgive her…..but because of her flirting and fraud nature I cant say anything about repeatation of affair with that guy or any other guy. Presently that guy is not in our city.
Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
What should I do?
This is a marriage built on a lie and it will never work. Cut your losses and get out ASAP.
BURNT KEP is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 08:13 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
ThreeStrikes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Ohio. I know.
Posts: 1,282
Default Re: cheating wife

mintuphy,

You married a gold-digging 'ho'.

At least you discovered it early in your marriage.

Get out now before you invest anymore into her. Social stigma be damned.

Better to be single and successful than married to a self-centered, gold-digging cheater who only cares about what you are going to provide for her.

You don't love her....you love the image of her that you created in your mind. That's not the real her. The real her is the one you heard talking on the phone...the one who cheats...the one you could never trust.

Be strong. Be sensible.
ThreeStrikes is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 08:34 AM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 657
Default Re: cheating wife

Just goes to show.

You give a woman everything she wants, she will hate you for it.

You're a beta, dude. Get out of there. Get mad, get cold, and surprise her with papers.

Let me tell you- the only person who will experience social stigma is her. Unless you let her continue to walk all over her. Dump her worthless @ss and cleanse your life of this parasite.

When my wife cheated on me I thought my professional life was over. I'm a preacher and a marriage counselor. As it turns out moving on, divorcing her and showing how strong and independent I am actually improved my public image.

You are not trapped. You do not have an obligation to remain with this liar. Free yourself from the shackles and I promise you new life and happiness await.
Vanguard is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 08:53 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 983
Default Re: cheating wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by chapparal View Post
What country do you live in?


Does it matter? Any place on earth the replay will be the same Throw her Out and get the D as soon as possible.

Married for six months only, she was cheating during their engagement, she continued it after the marriage also, with many men.
She also confessed that she married him only for money and status. That means she believed OP can be made a good cuckold husband and she can have the excitement and fun with her lovers and she was successful in her plan for six months.

But when OP is going to see who really his wife is?
Kallan Pavithran is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 09:02 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
ArmyofJuan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Denton, TX
Posts: 762
Default Re: cheating wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by mintuphy View Post
Sometimes I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
What should I do?
Sometimes? You should have left a looooooong time ago.

She is just using you, unless you want an open relationship you need to get out ASAP. Holy cr@p, why on Earth would you want to stay?

What's the "social stigma" of being married to someone that screws about every guy she runs across?
ArmyofJuan is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 04:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
carmen ohio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: United States
Posts: 748
Default Re: cheating wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by mintuphy View Post
Hi, I am 30 year old married man. My marriage is just 6 months old. My wife hided that she was having affair before and she continued that after marriage too. She was having an affair and she was flirting around with at least 4-5 men(married and unmarried both). She was also sharing the details of what I do with her at night with them.
My wife used to talk to her friends on cellphone(mostly when I am not nearby). Since I did not let her feel that I am trying to control her, I rarely asked much about these things. And we had a very good sexual relation(Almost everyday).But she always hided the call history and her cell phone from me. But recently(last one month) I started feeling that she is being emotionally distant from me, fighting over small issues, blaming me unnecessarily, saying that I do not love her. She has taken one more cellphone and she did not give the new number to me(Even I did not ask for the new number).she started using both the cellphones. One day I saw her facebook massages and emails and discovered that she was having affair and was flirting around. I showed messeges to her. She said it is just friendship and there was fight between us that day. She started blaming that I am being suspicious.
Next day I recorded her other cellphone. She was alone at home and she was talking to a guy for almost 5 hours on phone. They were planning to have physical relation(it was also visible that she was doing this as a revenge of yesterdays fight).she had shared every development(between her and me) with him. I could not decipher whether they were already in physical relation. When I told her all this next day she started asking for forgiveness. And she said that she was having emotional affair for 4 years (10 years back). Now she is talking to him only out of guilty feeling. That guy(unmarried) waited for 10 years to marry her but she married to me because of my status and qualification. But I felt like I have been cheated for marriage and after marriage too. My heart was completely broken. She says that she is feeling sorry and guilty for cheating with me(for the facts she hided with me). She promised never to contact him again. She also said that If I will leave her she will be destroyed she has no one else in her life. I also love her a lot. She has aborted the second cellphone too.Now I feel close to her again but I cant trust her. I want to forgive her…..but because of her flirting and fraud nature I cant say anything about repeatation of affair with that guy or any other guy. Presently that guy is not in our city.
Sometime I feel that I should leave her…both of us has problem in leaving each other because of social stigma and all.
What should I do?
Dear mintuphy,

Here's a suggestion.

Tell your WW that you forgive her for everything she's done and, not only that, but for anything she does in the future. Tell her that you apologize for discovering her adulterous behavior and that, in the future, you will not spy on her in any way and, if by accident you discover more unfaithfulness on her part, you will never mention it in order to spare her any embarrassment. Tell her that, from now on, she is free to do what ever she likes and you will willingly suffer any pain and humiliation she inflicts on you, even if that means she has sex with other men. Tell her that you are doing this because you have no self-respect, are afraid to face reality and do not have the strength leave her and find a woman who really loves you.

Now, you can tell her this in one of two ways. First, you can say to her what is written above. Or you can simply stay married to her and she will get the same message.

If you do this, I can guarantee you two things: (1) you will never have to make a hard decision and (2) you will live a miserable and probably very short life.

Here's another suggestion. Stop asking silly questions. You are married to an evil woman who has no respect for you and treats you like sh*t. Get her out of your life as quickly as possible and look for a woman who truly love you and treats you with the respect you deserve. If you do this, you will eventually find someone worthy of you and will have a long and happy life.

The choice is yours.
carmen ohio is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 05:05 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 233
Default Re: cheating wife

Will the social stigma be better 6 years from now when you have 2 kids and everyone in your neighborhood knows that she is cheating behind your back and you see neighbors whispering to each other whenever you go by?
Cdelta02 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-10-2013, 07:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 202
Default Re: cheating wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by mintuphy View Post
She started blaming that I am being suspicious.
That's a good one.

Did she explain why she thought your suspicions were misplaced?

min, if I were you I would thank God that her whoring ways were made known to you so early in your marriage, when children weren't involved.

I'm sure you're a very nice person who will find another woman who actually understands the concept of faithfulness.

Dump her without a backward glance. I'm sorry.

Good luck.
committedwife is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
#2 the guy with the cheating wife the guy Coping with Infidelity 7 01-30-2013 03:29 AM
So, I think my wife is cheating on me Guy1975 Coping with Infidelity 143 12-14-2012 10:15 AM
cheating wife john1000 Coping with Infidelity 45 09-15-2011 11:13 AM
I'm certain I think my wife is cheating or thinking of cheating heartbroken424 General Relationship Discussion 132 07-13-2011 06:51 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:06 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.