I'm having a real hard time dealing with it - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 723Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-29-2013, 11:28 PM
Member
 
walkonmars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: texas
Posts: 2,723
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

So she sits in bed (with you?) and texts her new man? Jeeezz of all the nerve. Tell her to at least keep her hand out of her pants while she texts.


A todos les llega su momento de gloria.
180 http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
Wayward wife's sad storyhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ml#post1385676
walkonmars is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 05:49 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: The Big City
Posts: 1,494
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by walkonmars View Post
So she sits in bed (with you?) and texts her new man? Jeeezz of all the nerve. Tell her to at least keep her hand out of her pants while she texts.
01/30/13 Wednesday

LOL, its not that..

If I am in the living room the only place she has to go to be private is the bedroom. The dinning room and living room are one big room. So even being in the dinning room I'm there. So she can't talk or text him while I'm there.

That call she got bothered me more then I thought. Seeing them together as a contact picture hit me in the gut. I literally had bad dreams about it. I couldn't sleep well last night. I woke up thinking about it during the night.

I'm gonna have to be as serious as a heart attack with her. I get she has to leave and I want her to go. But as I mentioned I am weak to her powers.

She did go to a birthday party with my youngest, I questioned her about the party and the story was odd. She said it was a daughter of a women from my sons school, but not the actual daughter in school but a younger daughter. It was also where the OM man lives which made no sense because of where we live. It would require a toll and time to get there. I just don't see someone having a party and having people do that.

I'm sure it was his family and she is just trying to get at least one of the kids acclimated to him. This way she only has to contend with the oldest.

She also buys the kids unnecessary toys, especially at this time. It is as if she wants to make it like nothing has changed for them, when it has.

I told them straight out money will be tight now that we have to divide it between 2 places.

Whereas before I really never had an issue if my kids wanted something. I could spend 400 dollars on something and not worry about it. Granted I couldn't do it every month, but I just wasn't crying for a dollar. Hindsight I should have been. Life lesson learned.

So yea I will have a talk with her about this. I will tell her that maybe her OM should start paying for the toll or her car gas or even car insurance. I want the car out of my name and off my insurance.

Again I am just trying ( trying being the keyword here ) to be nice until the papers are signed.

Last edited by Hardtohandle; 01-30-2013 at 06:06 AM.
Hardtohandle is offline  
post #63 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 06:02 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: The Big City
Posts: 1,494
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by tom67 View Post
You know what screw with her a little, dress up nice after work and go out eh 2 times a week don't tell her where you're going just do it. I would if you have a women friend have her spray some perfume on your shirt and maybe lipstick on the collar well maybe I'm getting carried away This is all hypothetical of course
Tom, I have no issues just not coming home for the night.

The good thing is she is stuck with the kids. What I mean by this is her work is geared around the kids school hours. So there comes a point where at 2 PM she has to be somewhere to pick up the kids or at least one of them, the other can walk home if he wants. So even on her day off she can go out and screw this OM from 9 AM until 12 PM, but she has to come home to get the kids.

After that the kids are home, where is she going to go ? I do believe she again goes out with the youngest to meet this guy. Again to have at least one of the kids okay with him when he moves in with them. As I know this is going to happen, even if she is playing stupid about it.

Also my family that reside right downstairs from us will not watch the kids so she can go screw this guy. It was already discussed that on valentines day she take care to be home on time. That though my mother and brother have been respectful to her, they will not tolerate her coming home at 9 PM on Valentines day because she wanted to screw this guy. I of course concurred. She is working V-Day and usually gets out at 7 PM. So I expressed this to my wife so I don't have WW 3 on my hands.

But on the other hand I am free to do whatever I want. Luckily my friends have been very kind and are always looking to take me out on the weekends or have me come over to get out of the house. So when I do, I do get dressed up and say nothing but just go out.

She has mentioned this guy is working so I don't see her seeing that much on her days off. I can imagine he might fake a sick day, but I know if he don't work, he don't get paid.

I would guess this is why there is so much texting and talking.
Hardtohandle is offline  
 
post #64 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 06:25 AM
Member
 
still.hurting's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 158
[QUOTE=Hardtohandle;1387665]I've done the 180 somewhat.

Seriously, what comes around goes around...!
Let her have her stupid new boyfriend, even if you do care, continue to not care or pretend to. Don't waist your breath on her, you don't have to be nasty but you don't owe her the curtiousy of being overly nice either...

Women LOVE strong charactered men, and I'm very positive if you handle yourself with pride and strength you will attract a new (and better) women, MARK MY WORDS....!

Hopefully you just don't fall into the trap of getting back with her when she see's you acting this way ;-)

Bottom line, you deserve better and you will get it!
Posted via Mobile Device
still.hurting is offline  
post #65 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 07:10 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: US
Posts: 589
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hardtohandle View Post
I'm wondering should I tell my son soon to be 13 in 3 months that his mother cheated on me / us? Yes, tell them. Dr. Steve Harley recommends telling children as young as 4 about a parents infidelity. In terms they can understand, for young ones " mommy has a boyfriend, but married people arent supposed to have boyfriends/girlfriends so we can't be married any more. Your kids are old enough to hear the truth, not her fog babble. They deserve to know they POSOM she wants them to cozy up to is at least partially responsible for destroying their family. There are posts on TAM from those that learned years later as an adult and how devastated they were to learn they were deceived all these years. Who can you trust if you can't trust your own parents.

I've read in some other threads that people have. I'm a bit torn because I don't want to pit my kids against their mother. I sure wouldn't want that against me.. You are just telling the truth.

I have told him that I am his father and no one else should try to tell him what is good or bad unless its his mother. That if he should see something he doesn't like when he is with his mother that he is free to come here. But that he needs to explain what the issue is with his mother first and see if it can be resolved and not to use this as an excuse if he fights with his mother. 13 is a really tough age, going thru family trauma, new man doing mom. Please get your kids into therapy to help them deal with it all. They need a neutral adult that they can be forthright with without repercussions.

I admit I am trying to give him the hint that this OM might be moving into the apartment without saying it. say it, have an honest discussion with them so they are fully prepared on what to expect.m

My wife is being vague about that as well. Which means yes. Can you get a clause in the agreement that includes no overnight visitorsvof the opposite sex. You know, to teach morals and such.

I explained just like he is leaving me, it does not mean I love him any less and I assume the same of him. End result his mother should not feel bad if he comes here also and that it doesn't mean he loves her any less as well. Good, but action speaks louder than words. Be in their lives as much as possible. Even if that delays your future relationships with girlfriends.

I know it would freak her out getting half child support. She shouldn't count on it for long, your kids will soon be old enough to decide for themselves which parent they want to live with. .
Aunt Ava is online now  
post #66 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 08:22 AM
Member
 
ThePheonix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southeast
Posts: 2,779
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hardtohandle View Post
Yes.

She didn't understand her license was worth something. Plus I'm letting her walk away from all the debt. So she will get child support and 45k from my defferred comp.
Be careful. You don't want the deferred comp to be considered a property settlement. Alimony is tax deductible. A property settlement generally is not. The last thing you want is the deferred comp to be considered as "withdrawn" by and taxable to you.
ThePheonix is offline  
post #67 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 09:20 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: The Big City
Posts: 1,494
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePheonix View Post
Be careful. You don't want the deferred comp to be considered a property settlement. Alimony is tax deductible. A property settlement generally is not. The last thing you want is the deferred comp to be considered as "withdrawn" by and taxable to you.
Fortunately it is not to me. It goes in her name, she only has to pay income tax on what she takes out.

@ Aunt Ava
I will talk the therapist and have my son come or both.
Hardtohandle is offline  
post #68 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-31-2013, 06:42 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: The Big City
Posts: 1,494
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

01/31/13 Thursday

Holy crap I cannot sleep. I wake 10x during the night muttering things about my soon to be EX. Its like I go to bed thinking about something then I wake up and I'm still in the same thoughts.

I go to bed at 10 PM now and I am suppose to wake up at 5:20 AM, but even with 7 hours its difficult.

A few weeks back I was able to sleep better, but its sort of bad this week.

Today I go see my lawyer to fix up some of the silly issues about the divorce agreement, but overall its all good. More on that to follow once she signs.

Again I love her, but I am clear in thought to understand she has to go. I truly believe she is going to crash and burn because she is just flying by the seat of her pants. She has no sense of controlling the money.

My son wanted to see royal rumble Pay per view and I told my wife you better tell him we don't have the money for that now, because I'm not, you did this.

She made some comment like sorry we can't do that but once your with mommy we will get it.

She orders him a action figure then cries about not having money. My son has about 400 wrestling figures. Before we had it like that. it wasn't an issue. But now I'm not spending any money that isn't for a bill or for food. At least not until I see how I am going to survive paying this child support along with everything else.

I love her but as time goes by I get pissed at the reality of the really fu.cked up things she did. I cannot and never would have imagined she would ever be the piece of sh.it she is today.

I truly believe in that statement/Quote "I used to love the person you where, not the person you are"

I'm amazed how any decency is totally tossed out the window.

I completely and totally understand she "loves" this other man and yea I accept it. But to be treated like a piece of sh.it for the one and only reason, just to do so. Wow...

I really do believe once she crashes and burns, she will throw up on herself on how she fu.cked up.

But in the end I am NOT waiting for that day. I am moving on.

Once I am done with all of this, I will tell everyone some more and I will show you guys some before and after pics.

As always thanks again for hearing me. I wouldn't have survived without my close friends, family and honestly the people here, regardless of how good or bad or crazy some of the advice was.

Every post from now on in this thread will have a thank you at the end, because you all deserve it each and EVERY TIME.

Thank you
Hardtohandle is offline  
post #69 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-31-2013, 06:47 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 514
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Start working out, Run, Lift Weights, etc. Eat properly, lay off the Soda and the Junk Food, acts as a Depresant.

If you don't take care of yourself physically during this time you will have a much harder time
rrrbbbttt is offline  
post #70 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-31-2013, 08:02 AM
Member
 
walkonmars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: texas
Posts: 2,723
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Start a journal. Write one or two sentences in handwriting at the start and end of the day. Rrrbbbttt has it right. New workout pattern. Martial arts?

Learn American Sign Language. You can volunteer to be a signer at different functions. It's rewarding and fullfilling.


A todos les llega su momento de gloria.
180 http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
Wayward wife's sad storyhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ml#post1385676
walkonmars is offline  
post #71 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-31-2013, 10:17 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: The Big City
Posts: 1,494
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by walkonmars View Post
Start a journal. Write one or two sentences in handwriting at the start and end of the day. Rrrbbbttt has it right. New workout pattern. Martial arts?

Learn American Sign Language. You can volunteer to be a signer at different functions. It's rewarding and fullfilling.
I have back issues so the weight loss was a god send honestly.

I have to go to physical therapy to learn some exercises to strengthen my back up again. Have some herniated disc's.

I'm looking at the Proform treadmill 1450. I always enjoyed the treadmill more to outside running. A friend of mine is going to help me put up a chin up bar in the garage as well. That is where the treadmill is going. I think just running and doing calisthenics like push ups. I should be good..

I started doing pushups in the bedroom. But I just don't want to give my EX any idea until she leaves. She always wanted a treadmill but we never had room in the house.. I never thought about the garage because it was full of stuff. Once she is gone that stuff will be given away and sold to make room.

It will be great when the kids tell her I have a treadmill in the garage.. Just something else to irk her..

I'm a changed man honestly. How could anyone not be changed by something like this.

I know I made mistakes and was lazy to a point and I am not going to bring my weaknesses into a new relationship. I'm going to fix myself and be a better man.

I know for a fact she is going to be saying in her mind. WTF why couldn't he do this for me when it mattered.

Like I was thinking, WTF why wasn't she true to herself when she was suppose to and fight for our marriage ( she keeps telling everyone she had to be true to herself now ).

Life is a bit.ch some times.
Hardtohandle is offline  
post #72 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-31-2013, 10:22 AM
Member
 
walkonmars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: texas
Posts: 2,723
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

True to herself! o_O

No experience.

She couldn't be true to her marriage.

A todos les llega su momento de gloria.
180 http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
Wayward wife's sad storyhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ml#post1385676
walkonmars is offline  
post #73 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-31-2013, 10:46 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: The Big City
Posts: 1,494
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by walkonmars View Post
True to herself! o_O

No experience.

She couldn't be true to her marriage.
LOL Walk, I told her the same..

Look If I was leaving my wife for another women. I would planned it all out.

She literally needs the 45k to leave.. She can't do it without it. I told her to ask her boyfriend. Her response is he has nothing to do with this. My problems are not his problems.

I said to her they are if he loves you so much. I know I loved you to help put you through school while we were dating. Thats what love is. Its unconditional. But I guess you forgot all about that..

She is starting to notice she has less control over me.

I only wish I could know exactly what he is saying to her regarding money. I'm just curious to hear if he is saying I can't afford it or what..
Hardtohandle is offline  
post #74 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-31-2013, 02:51 PM
Member
 
walkonmars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: texas
Posts: 2,723
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

LOL
I think she is afraid to ask bc she knows there's no way on God's green earth he'll cough up a red cent. And that would destroy her little fantasy. Can't have that!

The fantasy must survive at all costs!

A todos les llega su momento de gloria.
180 http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
Wayward wife's sad storyhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ml#post1385676
walkonmars is offline  
post #75 of 773 (permalink) Old 01-31-2013, 02:59 PM
Member
 
tom67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 10,667
Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Quote:
Originally Posted by walkonmars View Post
LOL
I think she is afraid to ask bc she knows there's no way on God's green earth he'll cough up a red cent. And that would destroy her little fantasy. Can't have that!

The fantasy must survive at all costs!
Hm. Reality is a b!tch isn't it.
tom67 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Three EAs that I'm having a hard time dealing with... Tisme Coping with Infidelity 77 11-12-2012 03:24 PM
Do this for real this time... diffident_dude General Relationship Discussion 5 07-26-2012 10:10 AM
I am having a real hard time getting it together today. mahike Coping with Infidelity 23 12-09-2011 09:01 AM
Back again, this time for real :-( Sakaye Going Through Divorce or Separation 6 09-16-2011 07:19 AM
Having a real hard time... Twisted Guts General Relationship Discussion 5 04-27-2009 06:28 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome