I'm having a real hard time dealing with it - Page 52 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #766 of 773 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 09:56 AM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
Thanks for the check in, H2H.

Brother, how you spent 3 years with that wretch is beyond me.

Learn to love yourself before you try to get serious with another woman.
H2H has evolved.

To H2O.

Now, tepid water under the bridge. He is sustaining his stamen bearing boy.

And the Wayward Wife NOW sees herself, as a cast-off leaf, heading downstream to be consumed by the unforgiving rapids ahead.

As a fallen leaf, never to be part of the family tree that she abandoned.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #767 of 773 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 10:07 AM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

You are an interesting messenger @SunCMars... especially in your Urdu ظاہر کرنا
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post #768 of 773 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 09:40 PM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

So...in all these solid years of therapy, what have you done to realize and accept and LIVE that you're a great, loveable, valuable person? Cos I'm still not hearing it.
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post #769 of 773 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:14 PM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

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So...in all these solid years of therapy, what have you done to realize and accept and LIVE that you're a great, loveable, valuable person? Cos I'm still not hearing it.
Right now turnera, I have no clue.. I'm like a drug addict going through withdrawal. I hate hear and love her. I wish things could have been different.
I will never call her or reach out to her.. But it is killing me.

She was toxic..

She did triangulation- Basically brought other people into the relationship to cause issues. .EG other men to cause insecurity.. Other friends to cause other issues.

Like my Ex wife, she will only see it down the road..

When she couldn't control me anymore she turned people against me.

I spoke with the therapist about an article I seen and read 20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You | Thought Catalog

She did many of these things, I just didn't see it..

His answer was I couldn't tell you.. This was one thing you had to learn for yourself. If I told you it would have went in one ear and out another.. You wouldn't believe it if I told you.

I truly understand what a drug addict deals with. You want the drug, you know the drug will be bad but you still want it. It is rough..

The therapist concern is why it took me 3 years. Why kept trying.. Why couldn't I let it go earlier.. That is something he wants to go over with me and maybe teach me.
Just fvcking kills me.. I have a good life and would to share with someone. I don't need a doctor or a lawyer.. Just a woman who would appreciate me and not take advantage of me.
For all my street skills they just do not relate into any form of relationship skills.

I'm just down and out atm..
I am mourning and I get it.. So I cry. But I just feel I cried enough for a life time with my ex wife..
I've been sad enough for a life time already..
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post #770 of 773 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:51 PM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

She'll be back. That's her pattern. The two of you have done this dance several times in the past IIRC. Neither of you can completely end it -- although not only your therapist but many others have told you to let her go and don't look back. I said long ago that you apparently like the drama of an up/down relationship and she certainly brings that so I don't think your time on that merry-go-round is done yet.

There are nice, normal, lovely women out there. Look for them.
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post #771 of 773 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 12:46 AM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Ask your IC specifically for SELF ESTEEM work. Including homework that you have to do every day. In the book Emotional Alchemy, you'll learn that you CAN change your thoughts and feelings, but it requires 'exercise,' just like any other muscle you work. You can't just say I'm going to wake up tomorrow and be different.
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post #772 of 773 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 05:43 AM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

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Originally Posted by Openminded View Post
She'll be back. That's her pattern. The two of you have done this dance several times in the past IIRC. Neither of you can completely end it -- although not only your therapist but many others have told you to let her go and don't look back. I said long ago that you apparently like the drama of an up/down relationship and she certainly brings that so I don't think your time on that merry-go-round is done yet.

There are nice, normal, lovely women out there. Look for them.
They always come back.... in one form or another.

Does it mean you won? No

Just means you were right all along.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #773 of 773 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 06:20 AM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

H2H, my advice to you is that once our kids are grown and on their own....maybe think about joining a monestery.
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