Do you want to hear some opinions or are you just venting?
Both.. I will listen to anything.. I just need some peace in my life..
I'm just fu.cking angry.. I'm at the point that even if it means seeing my kids go. If I had the money I would give it to her to GTFO.
Saturday she asked if I was going out. I asked why ? She said her friend ( co worker ) wanted to take her out to dinner. Mind you I feel this women knew what was going on and screening for her.
I told her I was going out. She caught the hint. Her friend was trying to reschedule for when I came home, but then understood it would never happen.
I went into the bedroom to make it crystal clear that if she wants to go out she can go out all she wants when she is in her new apartment and that I myself or my family will NEVER watch the kids for her while she is here so she can go out.
The fu.cking balls on her..
My soon to be 13 year old knows whats going on and knows the guys name. It wasn't hard with all the calls and text she gets.
I told my wife that the oldest knows and she just ignores it.
OMG I just am so pissed. I hate that she did this.. I hate that I have to bury my feeling for her down in my heart. I hate that I love her even with all the sh.it she is putting me through.
I hate the fu.cking weekends right now.. They drag on for forever.
I have aching chest. Its tight and a knot in the center of it..
I want to cry out of anger.
My son doesn't want to go, but he doesn't want to confront her. He doesn't want to see this guy. He is like my wife and bottles up his feelings. I basically explained he has no choice in going to the therapist at least once.
Even the psychologist told me again yesterday how could I ever believe her or take her back for all she has done. Even the professional sees this is impossible and I concur, I'm just mad it got to this. I wish when the time came there was some clause that would allow me that. I know I could just do it. But I know deep down its just another failure waiting to happen.
I just want her out so she can start to see this misery that she reaped upon herself. I hope everything goes wrong for her. I hope she takes liability out for the truck because she doesn't want to pay full coverage and then crashes it and its her fault so she can take a nice chunk of the money she is getting to fix the truck. Just something to give her a quick kick in pocket.
If you haven't figured it out yet. I'm mad.
I never want to talk to her again. I never want to be civil to her ever again. I will not disrespect her in front of my kids, but in private any conversations will be extremely minimal and to the point. It's the only thing I can do to keep me from cursing her out.
I really need someone else. I need someone to help make this anger go away.
You know my father left when I was 12 and never came back. My mother took it very bad. She cried all the time in the beginning and I just didn't know what to do with her. We were well off and ended up broke. She worked 7 days a week to help keep this home we have. I started working at 13 and held 2 jobs, working in a grocery store during the week and holding a light video taking weddings during the weekends, Both Saturday and Sunday. I did my home work at catering halls during breaks.
I worked to help my mother. We had no cable we had no AC..
While in a Detective Squad about 8 years ago my mother called me to tell me the fan I bought when I was a kid with her broke. I fell to pieces at work. Why ? Because we would sleep in the same room and have the fan blow over us during the summer time. It was a reminder of a tough time in my life.
I then went to a technical school and worked in computers. I went straight from high school into this school. I was 20 working the city fixing computers for companies. Today that trade is gone. I used to fix hard drives the size of washing machines. They held 10 Meg discs the size of a large record.
I always helped my mother take care of this house. We are fortunate to have it. Though there are times like now that I feel it is cursed.
I'm not a millionaire, but the reality is at 45 I can retire and bring home 6k a month and not work. My promotion will make it 7k. I could sell this home with equity of 700k and buy something very nice in another state and probably have 400k in the bank. That is not counting 10k I get at the end of each year.
Up until December 30th that was the plan. To move away and just spend the rest of our lives fixing our marriage and then BAM
she drops this sh.it on me.
I thought just like every other jack.ass I had a good life for once. That all my turmoil, my troubles, all my struggles all were worth something. Now I feel like I'm back in that room with that fan on me.
Is it so fu.cking dam hard for people just to think of what they are fu.cking doing and how it will fu.ck someone else up..
Yea I'm mad...
No let me rephrase that. I'm hurt.. I'm crushed.. I'm in shock...
I want to foot stomp on the floor and say why me.. what the fu.ck did I do to deserve this. I've been nothing but an honest man all my life. I tell and teach my boys to be Paladins. Not to lie, to be honest and honorable. To be true to your word.
Look I've had many women tell me they wanted me, but I never, never did anything that would hurt my wife. Even being out of state where I knew I would never get caught. I never strayed. I just took this sh.it serious.
What a fu.cking ass.hole I am..