Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it
02/11/13 Monday Morning
I found out last night when I went to bed she went through the nightstands. I put one of our wedding pictures in there not to see it. She removed the picture.
Not going to lie it stung me.
This morning I noticed a large round mirror from the living room was missing, so I woke her up from the couch where she has been sleeping the past weeks and asked her where it was. She was upset ( too bad ) and said the mirror is at the apartment she got last week.
I told her you mean the apartment you and him got.
I'm scared.. I'm hurt.. I'm sad... I'm angry..
I know my kids don't want this or at least express they don't want to go.. If anyone is going to stay it's the oldest, at least initially. I know the youngest is close to mom and will go where mom is going.
My fvcking heart is breaking even more. I wish I could just turn part of it off.
It's amazing how everyone here was/is so right about what was going to happen.. The pod people comments, Doppelganger, The woman who killed my wife.
I think the shock comes from finding out how this person you once loved could become so evil, cruel and deceitful overnight. I think that is what I am having a hard time grasping, understanding and coping with.
You would think that its all done and finished, why not just come clean. Instead it becomes worse as they walk out the door. I just don't get.
Just be a decent human being. Look I know I really fvck stuff for you and us. I am truly sorry and trust me I honestly feel bad for what I did and know I could and should have done it better for you and the sake of the kids and our family.
But we are here at this point and I want us to end this as amicable as we possibly can for the kids sake and for your / our sanity sake.
I am moving in with this man. I know you don't approve or like it . But I am telling you the Truth, good or bad or indifferent I am going to be honest with you.
I have found an apartment last week. This is the address.
I am going to take the mirror over to the new apartment. I am going to start moving stuff over.
But instead it becomes a covert operation. Run silent, run deep.
Deny all and disavow everything.
And all for what ?? What the fvck is it for ? What's the purpose of it all ? Is there something I can do ? Is there some mystical or magical way I can stop this ?
In the end I have no clue how I could ever be civil to her. I know for the kids sake I will eventually have to be.
I told my son yesterday, "You may hear me say something bad to your mother, but trust me when I tell you I love her. But I cannot show her I am weak. I know it sounds crazy, but right now if I show her I still love her it will make me weak in her eyes and it will do nothing but drive her away and hate me more. Your a bit young right now to understand what I am saying, but when your older you will get it. But remember I love your mom."
I want to make it crystal clear to him my issues and I want to make sure he never sees me put his mother in a bad light or thinks I am trying to put him against her.
But I do express my dislike of this man.
I haven't spoken of him much. But this guy pursues my wife, knows she is married and then never steps back. I understand completely my wife could have said no, but my point is why would you want to be part of a divorce.
First off I would never go after a married woman and if I did for some crazy reason. If I seen it was going this route. I would be the first to say look I will not be part of this divorce or the cause of it. You decide and figure out what you want to do for you, your kids and your husband. If you decide you want to leave when your out let me know and I will be here. But I will not and cannot help you decide or interfere with this part.
Instead this guy goes, Oh I will help you leave. I'm here for you baby. I got your back.
This guy has no clue what the fvck he was doing because if he had kids he would fvcking understand. Instead he didn't give a sh1t about my kids. He just wanted my wife..
Let me correct this, He knew what he was doing. He just didn't care..