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post #91 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-08-2013, 10:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

I hate the weekends

Straight and simple

Thank you TAM


My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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post #92 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-09-2013, 02:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

02/09/13 Saturday

I finally said fvck it. I asked my 8 year old about moms boyfriend in front of my 13 year old so he could hear it as well.

It seems I was 100 percent on the money.

My youngest and my wife along with the OM go looking for apartments together. They don't bring my oldest of course because he's too smart. Of course the 8 year old knows that they are moving in together.

The birthday party they went to weeks ago, which I knew sounded retarded was also party for a 3 year old for this OM family and was not a kid from my youngest school as she professed it was.

He basically brings my youngest to meet this guy so at least she has one kid on her side or acclimated to him.

LIE after fvcking LIE after fvcking LIE.

I my wife told my son to LIE to me.

I told him he didn't have to lie and that his mother would not do that to him again.

I knew if I talked to her I would snap so I texted her and told her basically to stop trying to put my kids against me.

She of course said she is not. I explained to her when you tell my kids its okay to LIE to me your putting them against me.

When she came home I told her straight out she better not do that again. She started to say I never told him, but I cut her off and said "Are you telling me that my 8 year old is lying about what was said ? Is that what your telling me ? Because if so I bring him in here right now and correct this."

She buckled. I told her don't you ever put my sons in the middle of your bull**** ever again and don't you ever let me find out you did this again or you will start a sh1t storm that you and that d0uchebag will never recover from.

Of course I come to find out he was arrest for being with a prostitute and drug possession. I don't know if the prostitute thing was a sting with an undercover cop or if they caught him with a real one. The drugs was some sort of hard drug that was dropped down to simple possession.

I told her I can understand the drugs, but that guy is so hard up that he can't walk into a bar at midnight and just leave with the bar wh0re at 2AM ?. But seeing how he looks I could understand it.

But this is what you want. Have fun.

I want to punch this doppelganger in the face for taking away my wife.

I told her I can't believe that she ended up being the biggest piece of sh1t I have ever met. That as soon as I feel some sympathy or have a twinge of a feeling for her she shows me how much of a low life she can be.

I told her trust me when I tell you your time will come when fvcking reality hits you in the face and you finally realize how much of a piece of sh1t you are and were to me. That all you had to do was be a semi caring human being.

I am completely overwhelmed at to what a fvcking monster this person is. I would have NEVER, EVER, NEVER expected her to do this. It is just beyond all reality and understanding..

Sadly I am happy my oldest see's all of this because he can see how his mother is boxing him out of things and keeping him in the dark.

I tell him its not because she doesn't love you. It's because she is embarrassed. She knows your just way too smart and can see through all her lies.. I thank GOD that my 13 year old is smarter then I ever was at 13 or even 16...

I swear I am having a divorce party. Shirts and all when this is all fvcking done.. Holy fvcking crap. I wouldn't piss on her teeth if they were on fire atm..

My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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post #93 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-09-2013, 02:31 PM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Well, she certainly picked a winner didn't she? Be sure to bring the drug arrests to the attention of your attorney regarding child custody.
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post #94 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-09-2013, 02:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

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Well, she certainly picked a winner didn't she? Be sure to bring the drug arrests to the attention of your attorney regarding child custody.
Unfortunately Ava, They don't care. She will just say she is not living with him.

I might have something after they move in together. But right now I got jack sh1t.

I just need her to sign these papers to GTFO... Then its about 3 to 4 weeks for the money to clear.. Its a nightmare.

I just hope I have someone by the time this all comes crashing down. So I have my new women tell my EX no he don't want you.

My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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post #95 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-10-2013, 07:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

02/10/13 Sunday night

My wife has a toothache.

I'm happy..

Lost another 6 lbs.. Down to 264..

I'm looking at 250 maybe 245.

Can't wait to get the treadmill I will be peeling pounds off.
A gay female friend of mine was telling me I look good, no more stomach.

Hey I will take what I can get.. LOL

I just know once she is out I have enough to offer to someone that the next women will be thanking god they have someone who works, actually has a career, a pension plan and a home and actually will be faithful and understands what that means to be faithful.

The more and more I normal out, I just don't get.

Why the fvck would I give up one someone just to make them better for someone else ?

She could have had all of this, instead she will live in apartment for the rest of her life with this retard. Both knowing that each of them how they met.

He can do this to her and she could do the same to him again.

Its NUTS... Life is just too short to play these games.

My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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post #96 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-10-2013, 07:45 PM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Geeez H2H. Marriage and relationships have up and down struggles. It appears she was unwilling to go through a period of struggling with you, her one-time rock of Gibraltar. But she is ohhh sooo willing to struggle mightily to keep you in the dark as much as possible for this POS.

Willing to estrange her oldest child. Corrupt her youngest. Lie without shame or remorse. Now that's a struggle for anyone with a conscience. Maybe that's the real problem, she lacks a conscience.

Bear with it. Your time will come - as will hers. It's unfortunate that it's the children who will be harmed the most. Work with both of them. Keep reminding them that you love them and that NONE of this is of your doing ot theirs. Impress upon them the need to be true to themselves - without that they can never be true to anyone.
Keep working on yourself.

Maintain the 180. I cheered that you blasted her with the truth. Unfortunately those truths only pain conscientious people so that rules her out. Because of the devastation to your family, it's of little comfort to know that the worm will turn one day.

Still that little comfort is more than you have now. The best outcome would be that when that day comes you will have pity rather than glee at her comeuppance.

Hang tough, like the tough guy you've been all your life.

A todos les llega su momento de gloria.
180 http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
Wayward wife's sad storyhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ml#post1385676
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post #97 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-10-2013, 07:52 PM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

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Hang tough, like the tough guy you've been all your life.

A todos les llega su momento de gloria.
180 http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
Wayward wife's sad storyhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ml#post1385676
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post #98 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-10-2013, 09:35 PM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

Be careful if she is bringing your kids around this creep. make it something you won't negotiate.

She can have the kids when if is alone but don't let the guy aroud them. To think she would pick such a loser, what the f*ck is she thinking ? Does she know about his charges ?
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post #99 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-10-2013, 10:00 PM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

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Does she know about his charges ?
I'm afraid that's part of the "charm"
Complete opposite of her loyal LE husband. Her dominant "wild thang" allele was activated.

A todos les llega su momento de gloria.
180 http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
Wayward wife's sad storyhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ml#post1385676
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post #100 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-11-2013, 07:33 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

02/11/13 Monday Morning

I found out last night when I went to bed she went through the nightstands. I put one of our wedding pictures in there not to see it. She removed the picture.

Not going to lie it stung me.

This morning I noticed a large round mirror from the living room was missing, so I woke her up from the couch where she has been sleeping the past weeks and asked her where it was. She was upset ( too bad ) and said the mirror is at the apartment she got last week.

I told her you mean the apartment you and him got.

I'm scared.. I'm hurt.. I'm sad... I'm angry..

I know my kids don't want this or at least express they don't want to go.. If anyone is going to stay it's the oldest, at least initially. I know the youngest is close to mom and will go where mom is going.

My fvcking heart is breaking even more. I wish I could just turn part of it off.

It's amazing how everyone here was/is so right about what was going to happen.. The pod people comments, Doppelganger, The woman who killed my wife.

I think the shock comes from finding out how this person you once loved could become so evil, cruel and deceitful overnight. I think that is what I am having a hard time grasping, understanding and coping with.

You would think that its all done and finished, why not just come clean. Instead it becomes worse as they walk out the door. I just don't get.

Just be a decent human being. Look I know I really fvck stuff for you and us. I am truly sorry and trust me I honestly feel bad for what I did and know I could and should have done it better for you and the sake of the kids and our family.

But we are here at this point and I want us to end this as amicable as we possibly can for the kids sake and for your / our sanity sake.

I am moving in with this man. I know you don't approve or like it . But I am telling you the Truth, good or bad or indifferent I am going to be honest with you.

I have found an apartment last week. This is the address.

I am going to take the mirror over to the new apartment. I am going to start moving stuff over.

But instead it becomes a covert operation. Run silent, run deep.
Deny all and disavow everything.

And all for what ?? What the fvck is it for ? What's the purpose of it all ? Is there something I can do ? Is there some mystical or magical way I can stop this ?

In the end I have no clue how I could ever be civil to her. I know for the kids sake I will eventually have to be.

I told my son yesterday, "You may hear me say something bad to your mother, but trust me when I tell you I love her. But I cannot show her I am weak. I know it sounds crazy, but right now if I show her I still love her it will make me weak in her eyes and it will do nothing but drive her away and hate me more. Your a bit young right now to understand what I am saying, but when your older you will get it. But remember I love your mom."

I want to make it crystal clear to him my issues and I want to make sure he never sees me put his mother in a bad light or thinks I am trying to put him against her.

But I do express my dislike of this man.

I haven't spoken of him much. But this guy pursues my wife, knows she is married and then never steps back. I understand completely my wife could have said no, but my point is why would you want to be part of a divorce.

First off I would never go after a married woman and if I did for some crazy reason. If I seen it was going this route. I would be the first to say look I will not be part of this divorce or the cause of it. You decide and figure out what you want to do for you, your kids and your husband. If you decide you want to leave when your out let me know and I will be here. But I will not and cannot help you decide or interfere with this part.

Instead this guy goes, Oh I will help you leave. I'm here for you baby. I got your back.

This guy has no clue what the fvck he was doing because if he had kids he would fvcking understand. Instead he didn't give a sh1t about my kids. He just wanted my wife..

Let me correct this, He knew what he was doing. He just didn't care..


My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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post #101 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-11-2013, 07:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

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I'm afraid that's part of the "charm"
Complete opposite of her loyal LE husband. Her dominant "wild thang" allele was activated.
I tell you when I hear/recall some of her past I just see why she gravitates to these pieces of sh1t.

I'm just dying inside.

I tell people I survived this, I can survive anything. I can only imagine one thing worse then this, but beyond that thought. I cannot see anything that someone could do to me to hurt me any more then this.

My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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post #102 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-11-2013, 07:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

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Be careful if she is bringing your kids around this creep. make it something you won't negotiate.

She can have the kids when if is alone but don't let the guy aroud them. To think she would pick such a loser, what the f*ck is she thinking ? Does she know about his charges ?
She does.. But she is in this I made my bed so I have to live with it now.

The reality is I need for her to sign. This way once she signs I am divorced and she will have to pay for her own lawyer if I take her to court in the future. But now I would have to pay for her lawyer. So I need to suck it up and just let it go for now.

6k is better then 50k to 60k.

My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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post #103 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-11-2013, 08:45 AM
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

H2H - I watched helplessly as my father grieved my mother's death. She died young, but even so, they had had 25 love-filled years. At one point, he said that he sometimes wondered if those wonderful years had been worth it if it meant that he would suffer such pain when she was gone.

And that's the thing. The love is wonderful if you are both there to feel it. It feels so good that, in order to experience it, we all seem to be willing to take the chance that we might lose it. We all do. It seems to be worth the knowledge that the pain could be there in the end. If we're lucky, we have the best love of all to show for it - our children.

Your W is heartless to you now, but she will eventually wake up and regret the way she has treated you. She's following the script just like any other & will play it out just like any other. And when she approaches you with her new understanding of you - you will be the good, honorable man that she wronged - and her new understanding of herself - she was misguided, damaged - you will have moved on emotionally to a stronger place.

This doesn't assuage your pain right now, but at least you can know that you will never have anything to hang your head about in all of this. You'll be able to live with yourself in the end.
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post #104 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-11-2013, 10:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

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H2H - I watched helplessly as my father grieved my mother's death. She died young, but even so, they had had 25 love-filled years. At one point, he said that he sometimes wondered if those wonderful years had been worth it if it meant that he would suffer such pain when she was gone.

And that's the thing. The love is wonderful if you are both there to feel it. It feels so good that, in order to experience it, we all seem to be willing to take the chance that we might lose it. We all do. It seems to be worth the knowledge that the pain could be there in the end. If we're lucky, we have the best love of all to show for it - our children.

Your W is heartless to you now, but she will eventually wake up and regret the way she has treated you. She's following the script just like any other & will play it out just like any other. And when she approaches you with her new understanding of you - you will be the good, honorable man that she wronged - and her new understanding of herself - she was misguided, damaged - you will have moved on emotionally to a stronger place.

This doesn't assuage your pain right now, but at least you can know that you will never have anything to hang your head about in all of this. You'll be able to live with yourself in the end.
I cried.. My partner asked If I was alright. I said yes..

Thank you.. All of you

My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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post #105 of 773 (permalink) Old 02-12-2013, 07:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm having a real hard time dealing with it

02/12/13 Tuesday..

I'm sad

I have no clue why it gets worse every time I start to feel better.

Its like the stronger I get the more painful this becomes..

I'm so lonely right now. Oh god I fvcking hate her for this and I love her.

Trust me I don't show her my feelings. I'm just so lost right now.

I should get the papers this week. I know she wants to run out the door. She should have it signed as soon as she can imagine.

I know this just a phase I have to go through. I just wish I didn't have to.

Thank you TAM for letting me get this off my chest and understanding.

My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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