Pointegirl

I was thinking about how stupid infidelity & divorce are. A WS complains about all the things BS does "wrong." BS does a 180 and works on fixing those things to better him/herself. But WS never gets to reap the benefits, like s/he would've if s/he'd spoken up rather than cheating. It's just dumb.

Anyway, even in just two months, I've learned some things & have added good things to my life. Sometimes it helps me to focus on this rather than on all the stuff falling apart.

So to give us some positive in our lives, what have you learned about yourself, gained, explored anew (hobbies, new skills, etc.) as a result of your 180 or whatever way you processed all these difficulties?

jmb123

I learnt that I could be strong and do not need anybody to be happy;that I am not insecure and have the potential to live nicely whatever comes.(I had always been a doormat and had done enough pleading and begging);I have never felt so relieved .

MovingAhead

Positives:

I see the world everyday with new eyes
I have a much better relationship with my children
I am in much better shape
My WWXW has been replaced by a beautiful GF/fiance
I take time in seeing things when I travel for work... Red Rocks Amphitheater, California Redwoods, etc...
I've improved myself in so many ways
I cook, clean, do laundry, and sew all the time now. I'm full time mom and dad.

Here is the big one... My GF has stage 2 cancer and treatment is not fun... We are both Christians and I plan on marrying her this summer. If it weren't for the journey that I took through all the pain and turmoil in my life, I would not be who I am today. I'm 42 as is she though she looks like she is 30. I am in great shape. I understand how to treat her and I have really improved myself in many many ways.

Because of who I am now, I am in a position to help her through her ordeal and I will see it through to the end. She had a bad relationship with her ex which ended a few years ago, and basically I am the answer to her prayers. I hold her when she is upset. My boys are younger and they love her the same if not more than they love their own mother. They fight over who gets to sit next to her all the time. They are as protective of her as I am. It is adorable. I help her when she or her daughter is sick. Going through what I did and becoming who I am now gave me the ability to be here for her in her time of need. I am the answer to her prayers. I'm not perfect. I have my issues, but I brought something to her life that she needed desperately. Like I said she is beautiful. I am probably the first person she has been with that loves her for who she is, not her beauty. It really gratifying to know that all the work I did made it so I could become who I needed to be for this person at this time in her life. Even in the darkest times of my life, God has blessed me...

The great thing is during my limited divorce, after my wife moved out, I met her. I told her she was my angel. She helped me through some rough patches when my divorce was ending. It was over months before, but the paperwork still was processing.

At first after DDay, I wanted to reconcile with my now EX. I tried, but I prayed that God would give me what he wanted me to have, not what I wanted. That was the smartest thing I ever did.

Looking at my life now. I am glad I was actually smart enough to know that God might know a little more than me. You see, I knew very early on when I first met her that she was the answer to my prayers. It is nice to be able to return that to her.

bfree

Wow, great post MA.

__________________
What I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career."

familyfirst09

" I prayed that God would give me what he wanted me to have, not what I wanted. That was the smartest thing I ever did."

Beautiful.
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goodwife4

my hubby has tried to do the 180 thing......
he said when he told me of his betrayal it was like someone turned the light on in the room and he could see how he had been treating me

he has changed and i call him new husband...... sometimes old hubby tries to come back though