Text Affairs...I feel betrayed - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 02:15 AM Thread Starter
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Text Affairs...I feel betrayed

My husband of 14 years continues to betray me year after year. Although I cannot be sure he's had physical relations with other women. He is obsessed with talking to other women via email & text messages. He has gone so far has creating a false name and another email adress to have sex chats with other women. He also posted an ad looking for no strings attached relationships. I've lost all trust in him. He says he loves me with all his heart and is very remorseful for a few months, before he starts again. We have two boys and I worry about them. I feel lost, I don't know what to do. I've recent;y found some text messages to another woman, asking if this will be their year for an affair. I haven't yet confronted him, but I think he knows, because he's deleted her name from his phone. He's very clever with deleting all messages and history items from our home PC. I think he enjoys the security of a home and marriage but he's also looking for something on the side. He believes that what I don't know wont hurt me, but the problem is that I alsways know...somehow. What do I do?
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 02:25 AM
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Re: Text Affairs...I feel betrayed

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Originally Posted by Merryl View Post
My husband of 14 years continues to betray me year after year. Although I cannot be sure he's had physical relations with other women. He is obsessed with talking to other women via email & text messages. He has gone so far has creating a false name and another email adress to have sex chats with other women. He also posted an ad looking for no strings attached relationships. I've lost all trust in him. He says he loves me with all his heart and is very remorseful for a few months, before he starts again. We have two boys and I worry about them. I feel lost, I don't know what to do. I've recent;y found some text messages to another woman, asking if this will be their year for an affair. I haven't yet confronted him, but I think he knows, because he's deleted her name from his phone. He's very clever with deleting all messages and history items from our home PC. I think he enjoys the security of a home and marriage but he's also looking for something on the side. He believes that what I don't know wont hurt me, but the problem is that I alsways know...somehow. What do I do?
I'm sorry for you. Now is the time to take action and find out how far this goes. Is it more than text/email? You don't know and need to find out. I would put a keylogger on the computer and I'm sure one of the techie geniuses will be along to tell you what to do about the phone. A voice activated recorder in his car is a must.

Do not confront him yet, not until you know as much as you can. It's hard to stay quiet while you gather the evidence but it really is the best thing. The in meantime, you take care of your babies, rest, eat, exercise when you can. Keep in touch with all the folks here who will help guide you through the madness.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 02:29 AM
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Re: Text Affairs...I feel betrayed

Sorry for what your going through,i'm going through something similar.
Sounds like he wants his wife at home and a little extra on the side,from what the messages say he is blatantly willing to have a physical relationship with someone else(if he has not done already)He has shown little respect for you because if he was really sorry he wouldn't continue doing it,you really need to sit down and ask yourself if your prepared to be hurt again and again.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 05:16 AM
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Re: Text Affairs...I feel betrayed

This is a sex addiction. It has to be treated...
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 05:29 AM
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Re: Text Affairs...I feel betrayed

I agree with See_Listen_Love on this one. There is a certain drive to your H where he likes the adrenaline rush of doing something he shouldnt and this feeds the sexual need as well. Unless he sees smeone who is a professional then its going to continue to hurt you even more. As far as loving you will all his heart.... nope not true as hes letting others in to the so called heart full of love
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 12:32 PM
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Re: Text Affairs...I feel betrayed

It's a compulsion. Put your foot down, talk to a lawyer, go nuclear, kick him out, make youir demands (he shoud see a CSAT and implement any tool to be "clean" from now on).

Keep reading here. Wiser members will give you better advice.

Mal de muchos, consuelo de tontos
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 02:30 PM
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Re: Text Affairs...I feel betrayed

Agreed, it's a compulsion and an addictive behaviour. It will not lead to a good ending. Even if he has not physically cheated, he has cheated in his own mind. If this continues, he is training his own mind for an eventual affair.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 03:22 PM
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Re: Text Affairs...I feel betrayed

Put a keylogger on your computer and you can then see how deep this goes. Also place a VAR in his car. Most cheater talk with their AP while driving.

I am sorry you are here. You have enough info lower the boom and tell his family and friends what he has done. PA or just EA it is still cheating.
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