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Another statistic

60K views 238 replies 64 participants last post by  happyman64 
#1 · (Edited)
I have been with my wife for 12 years and married for over 7. Through my investigations I have recently found she cheated on me. She has carried on a 6 month affair with another married man that ended in early December. I am confident it is over. I confronted her and I believe she has been truthful on what exactly has occurred.
Why did she cheat? I most certainly have not given her what she has needed in a very long time and I take full responsibility for my short comings as a husband. This of course does not justify the infidelity. I do not know how but I feel a sense that I might actually be able to forgive her some day and I still love her. We have done more talking in the last 5 days than we had done in the previous 9 years it feels like. Some of the conversations not good as I question what she did exactly and some of the conversations are good as I realize that we have wanted many of the same things but just lacked the tools to give them to each other.
I believe we are heading on a path to reconciliation.
Now for my question. Although in the end, my wife was a willfull participant in this affair it appears to me he was the initial aggressor. She gave into his manipulation as he played on the simple things that I wasn't giving her. A predator almost. There needs to be consequences for everyone in this situation.

1- Me - my wife cheated as a result of my failure to serve her emotional needs.
2- My wife - she got caught and has risked potential divorce
3- The other man - ? Nothing

I have the ability to contact the other mans wife and I have details about him and also a few emails from my wife to him. I also know that he has cheated on his wife in the past and that she knows about it. Im fairly confident she doesn't know about my wife though. I want to call her and tell her what else her husband had been doing from June until December 2012. We will then all have consequences. Basically I want revenge.
 
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#233 ·
So Im about 40 pages into "Not just friends". Initial reaction is my wife should have read this about 10 years ago because until just after D day she didnt understand the boundaries that need to be established between another male when the female is married. I wish I had actually started to read this within a week or so after D day. This book is basically proving what I have said for so many years. A male and a female simply can not just be friends.
 
#234 ·
So Im about 40 pages into "Not just friends". Initial reaction is my wife should have read this about 10 years ago because until just after D day she didnt understand the boundaries that need to be established between another male when the female is married. I wish I had actually started to read this within a week or so after D day. This book is basically proving what I have said for so many years. A male and a female simply can not just be friends.
Not true. Some gay guys make great friends for some women.

That is the only instance I can think of.
 
#236 ·
This book is also reiterating what I always knew since D day that my wife has to de-friend and "ignore" her former fiancé (who is divorced and single) on Facebook. I know as of 8 mos ago she was still in contact with him. Too much potential to rekindle past feelings.
 
#238 ·
I had a dream better described as a nightmare recently that I followed her to the place where they met behind the vacant building.....looked in to the SUV and saw her giving him oral sex....she turns around and sees me....looks at me with no expression....turns back and continues doing what she was doing like I was not even there!....these types of thoughts are what !?$&!! suck.
 
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