Is a full on emotional affair a real affair ? Thoughts needed
Was l having a real affair to her ?
We separated 4 mths ago . We'd had a very stressful 5 yrs and it took it 's toll on our moods and the way were with each other.
Now , l've realized l did handle the stress so wrong, l also blocked my wifes love and efforts to hold us together .
That eventually had her backing away and acting weird with me too and that , made me go even more distant from her.
In our last 12 mths together we'd bought our new place 6 mths earlier , it needed heaps of work , more money stress and too many other things going on to mention.
Around this time one of our friends was spending more and more time here and usually in week long stints staying over.
l got along with her much better than my wife did , my wife didn't even like her that much.
My wife had also changed jobs , lots more work , whole new crowd, on top of all our worries so she also got very run down , tired all the time and started going to bed at 7 or 8 every night.
she told me right through that's all it was but i was welcome to hang out with the friends.
Well , we usually stayed up till all hours , even all night , we had heaps of fun , lots of laughing and , yep she was damn hot too but - nothing ever touched. There were usually other people around too , lots of noise , music , laughing and yelling through the house.
l often went in to see my wife , make sure she was cool and we weren't keeping her awake- our room was away a bit and separate so pretty sound proof.
This was going on every few weeks over our last 12 mths and i must admit l could never wait for K to get back and see her again. l thought about her all the time and even thought of leaving to be with her - but l didn't !
Well, it turns out my wife was also in deep depression through all that time on top of everything else , about us. seeing shrinks and Counselors and in our last 3 weeks had met some shoulder to cry on too.
She told me she wanted to separate. She told me about us , the way l'd been with her for a couple of yrs now and that l'd lost it with her completely, the pain and hurt she'd been living.
She'd thought l wanted to move out for 12 mths. Told me about mr shoulder , the depression , shrinks. Then she told me she'd like to start spending time with mr shoulder . She said she didn't even think l'd care anyway and that l was so busy with K all the time and how she'd cry in bed listening to us laughing and partying for 12 mths.
She said K turns me on but she doesn't any more , and that l don't even wanna talk to her anymore let alone have fun with her
She said she'd been crying in bed for 12 mths over what we might be getting up to , in her house .
She'd even heard me dreaming about her . And admittedly l did deny any turn on and really nothing physical had happened anyway but deep down she was right about her , l mean if l was single !
But , despite everything , l had never stopped loving my wife also and if l'd had known what she was going through l would have done everything l could. It hurt soooo much to find out she'd been in that pain and so long, and that l'd been so insensitive and cold to us .
but it was too late , she'd cut off and checked out.
But , the one thing that kept coming back , above anything else through all our talks, AND fights, before she moved out, was K.
It kept coming back and up , l blew it off each time because yeah in a way she was right but l never touched.
So was that an emotional affair , a real affair- which l've never heard of before here 4mths ago . And the realizing that maybe she had something, maybe to the other person that is an affair or as good as cheating on them.
Can an emotional affair be so serious that it justifies separation or the right for them to start seeing someone else ?
The right for them to cut off and appear to be feeling no guilt about seeing someone else ?
Is it justifiably that bad ?
Please don't hesitate to delve or speak on this. To be honest, l know l'd been selfish and dumb but with realizations from around here, l need too dig at this to just maybe , find some peace and closure , figure out my anger .
Last edited by whitehawk; 01-19-2013 at 11:45 AM.