I am having a hard time right now. I just found out my husband has been addicted to porn and cheating on me with SEVERAL WOMAN.
- My pregnant cousin (in front of her little child)
- His ex-girlfriend
- A random girl he met in a bar
- Another random girl he met in a bar
- Two ex-co workers'
Now that he got caught he says he's a "changed man"
How can I trust or believe someone like that?? Any advise.
I caught him. Went on his phone and saw all conversations. He says he wants to work it out. I am currently still in the home ONLY for our two children and I felt to guilty to just up root them right now but once school is out...so are we. He is a liar, cheater, and easily deceived me.. don't know how I could trust anyone like this! He blames it on depression.. I blame it on BullSh*t.
I'm too HOT, smart, caring, and loyal to put up with this!
Sorry you are here. Could you elaborate a bit on your story?
How old are you?
How long married?
How old are your kids?
When did his affairs occur?
How long ago since you discovered it?
How was the state of your marriage (I know this sounds odd at this time)?
Is there still contact or not to other women or not?
More support and advice coming your way soon, I am sure. Untill then, look after yourself and your kids.
How old are you? 44
How long married? 11 years (just found out he's cheated over half our marriage)
How old are your kids? 6 & 10
When did his affairs occur? over the last 5 years of our marriage
How long ago since you discovered it? about 5 months ago
How was the state of your marriage (I know this sounds odd at this time)? I did EVERYTHING for him and only him. I even sacrificed going to med school to take care of home while his career launched. I cooked, dinner was always ready, I planned elaborate parties for him every year, I always changed my hair and stayed in shape (I'm 5'6. 110. light green eyes), I always made sure to keep "him" pleased b/c I know how men can wander... AND HE STILL DID THIS
Is there still contact or not to other women or not? The funny thing,,, I managed to meet all of them (well my cousin was easy ) and had long conversations with them. At this point, no... but who knows what will happen in the future.
What can I tell you. You ask how you can trust or believe him again. You can if you choose to, and partly if he gives you reason to believe that he has changed - what has he done to earn back your trust? Transparency? Exposal? Does he even know what he has done to you - does he truly get it?
I think it's going to be hard for you to get to a place of comfort because he is a serial cheater. Some kind of entitlement is usually attached to this label. So I would think hard if I were you - do you love him or is it just because of the kids you choose to stay?
I can tell you that I am 2 years out and that I am still not there. I can't trust my wife anymore and stays because of kids and the remaining love I have for her - trust? No.
I read something in another thread yesterday that made very good sense to, can't remember who wrote it, "You will never get to a point of complete trust. It's the love for your spouse that will be the reason for you to stay and risk another betrayal. Because your spouse can't prove to you, that he won't ever cheat again." Not exactly by the word, but the essence of is correct, I think.
In order to get to this point, you need to have your self worth and self esteem pretty much intact, I think. Then again; to go dating again you'll need the same - so rebuilding your self would be a good place to start no matter what, I guess?
So how do you see your future life?
Hang in there, think good about yourself and do good things for you.
I refuse to let him take my self esteem! The future right now is with my kids in mind. If I leave, I am a single mother trying to make it.. If I stay, I am a lost soul void of TRUE love and affection.
Either way I lose.. and either way he wins.
You leave.... you PROVE to yourself and him and the kids and anyone else who is looking that YOU are worth more. That you don't allow someone to do this to you. He won't win.
Plus..... now is the time to make it ALL about you! He doesn't get to call any shots. Who cares what he wants? It's time to stop and think what YOU want, how you will get there.... how to live an honest life for YOURSELF and your children.
He is ALWAYS going to be the schmuck who cheated on you... big time.
What would you advise your daughter to do if she came to you with this story. It's not about "winning", it's about have a quality life that you can be proud of. And your partner should be someone you feel proud of.
You can't change him. You can't undo things. So work on what you CAN do. Make changes that work for YOU. If you need to wait til school is out...then use this time to plan your exit. It's the perfect opportunity to start picking up the pieces. You don't have to share this exit strategy with him, you just go about your business and figure out what YOU need to do. At this point, his needs don't mean anything.
You can do this. (And I don't mean you can leave... I mean, you can figure this out and start moving forward one way or another for YOURSELF!)
I refuse to let him take my self esteem! The future right now is with my kids in mind. If I leave, I am a single mother trying to make it.. If I stay, I am a lost soul void of TRUE love and affection.
Either way I lose.. and either way he wins.
if you loose anything in life, do not loose your self respect and your self esteem. You can leave him and even divorce him. If down the road he shows true remorse and shows that he has truly changes, then you can consider reconciling. For now, your peace of mind and children are your first concern. I'm happy you are taking charge and not allowing him to make you a doormat.
I'm curious what kind of job does you husband have? I guessing some kind of sales or negotiating/convincing people job? One where being seen as social and well networked is important?
Has he given full transparency etc at this point, or has he tried talking his way back to the staus quo before you caught him?
You are right and that is exactly what I plan to do. It is so hard to wait but I know it's worth it. I don't want to uproot my children. They shouldn't suffer just because their dad is a liar and a cheater! I'm moving on and once I do... I know I can't look back. I have a feeling he will do this to whom ever he's with so best wishes to them.. THERE HAS TO BE A MAN OUT THERE THAT WANTS TO BE FAITHFUL?! PLEASE TELL ME THERE IS.. I DONT WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN
The funny thing is.. he "claims" to have low self esteem.. YEAH RIGHT. He isn't in the lime light but he is in management...
I can honestly say that he has allowed me to go through all his stuff w/o trying to delete anything.. I even found new drama by doing so but how do I know this just isn't a little trick he's trying to play?? He's deceived me or so long, I just dont think I can ever look at him the same. Sometimes, I am even scared to be around him or in the house w/him. Not because I feel he will harm me but b/c he is a STRANGER..
I mean what does "true remorse" look like? If he is a sneaky cheat, he can always do what looks good right?
Infidelity means you're done with me so to you I say.. ditto!
I really hate to post this but I have a feeling that many people are thinking it already. You said your cousin is pregnant. Ummm, there is an obvious question there I'd rather not type out.
I am proud of you for standing up for what is right and just. You have a lot going for you. Yes, there are good men out therebut, you might have to to Germany to find one! haha David
Did your H get your cousin knocked up in the first place?
Your H has a serious problem. He is a serial cheater and not likely to change as long as his life is comfortable. If it were me I'd file for D, tell the entire family and friends (not your children though) and then sit back and watch the shatstorm. He may actually change in the short term but you'll have to watch him for the rest of his life.
19Likes
Husband cheats w/my prego cousin 
