Re: Just found out today my wife of 12 years is cheating on me
BH in NJ,
Please listen to the advice you have received so far. These guys are veterans of affairs and have helped many others on this board.
You're probably calm because you are in a state of shock. The arm bar for the emotional roller coaster is about to come down and you are in for the ride of your life. Please pay attention: what is intuitive is not correct. The yelling, cursing, name calling, throwing things, begging, pleading ... if you engage in this, it will worsen that case.
My suggestion is you pour your emotions out here and not at your wife. Remain cool, calm and collected. If you can't manage, find a confidant and ask that person to be on standby when you need to vent or leave the house fuming.
Do not let her take the upper hand. You are in control - more than you think. Don't lose it. Okay? Okay.