What Do I do?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 01-25-2013, 10:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default What Do I do?

Hi Everyone,

My husband always cheat on me. Last month he told me that he been having relations with a woman for about three months off and on. He told me how sorry he was and how we need to communicate more. On New Year's Eve he went to a bar and started drinking heavily and ended up calling her to have relations. He also mentioned that he went over her house once after he got off from work. He used to text her all day at work. He told the other woman that he was married and she said she didn't care. Now he says he is done with her and saying that he want to make our marriage work. I just can not trust him. I want to move on but every time he goes out I always think that he might call her or have relations with some other woman. My husband's track record is not good when it comes to women.

I can not remember the last time we went out to a bar to play pool or just hang out. He takes me to the movies sometimes, and we went out to eat like three weeks ago. Before then It has been such a very long time since he took me out. His reason for not taking me out is because he thinks a guy will try to talk to me and I won't know how to handle myself. Everywhere we go from the grocery store to our appointments, he gets very upset when he sees other men staring at me. I love my husband dearly but how can I stop thinking negative thoughts about him every time he goes out?? He always say that he wants to get out the house and away from the kids for a few hours. I tell him I do too, but he just don't understand where I am coming from. He also say that wives are used to being at home all the time taking care of their children. I try to explain to him that I need a break too! I just don't understand it. I keep telling him I am not getting any younger. I tell him the things we should do together and he keeps saying I am going to take you out but never do. It's been years since we went dancing. It's always the same thing like the movies, or every blue moon go out to eat. He keeps saying that he is still in love with me and he want us to grow old together. I just do not get it.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: What Do I do?

When there are no consequences for bad behavior then the bad behavior continues.

With that said are you willing to let him go?
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:10 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: What Do I do?

Why are you still with this man? He's putting your health at risk with the possibility of STD's. He's mistreating you and no husband at all.

HOw old are the two of you. How many children do you have and how old are they? How long have you been married?

Do you work outside the home?

He is a serial cheater. they seldom change. Of course you cannot trust him.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I do not want to let him go but if he did changed as he said I will continue to be married to him only if I see different behavior. We are 29 years old. We been married for 10 years with two daughters ages 9 and 5. I am a housewife and a full-time college student.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
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How long do you have before you graduate?
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I have a year and a half left.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:46 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: What Do I do?

What you see is what you get. He is not going to change. He's so brazen about it he's telling you what he's doing and continuing to do it.

Do you really love him? Remember if you love him you also have to love the part of him that is cheating on you. I think you are in love with who you want him to be.

Have you gotten tested for STDs? He's very likely to give you one or more.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:56 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: What Do I do?

Be very careful with this insecure man. His jealousy will only grow as time goes on. It is a very bad sign that he doesn't want to take you out in public.

He is trying to validate his masculinity through other women. When that fails he TELLS you about them so that, in a twisted way he'll feel manly because other women want him. He has the potential of becomming a physical abuser.

Has he ever pushed or shoved you?
Has he changed from your dating days? Or was he always like this?
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Old 01-31-2013, 02:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
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He has pushed me around 4 years ago since he was cheating back then and he got angry because he seen a text message from my male best friend. My best friend forwarded a text message that was from his ex boyfriend to me. My husband did not believe it until months later when my best friend came to town with his boyfriend.


Today I seen a message in my husbands phone saying good afternoon dear. I told my husband that I seen the message and he says that he do not know who that was. He says that he have not contacted the other woman in a month. It is very hard for me to believe this.


The other woman is 39 years old with two older children. (almost grown) He told me one day that the other woman said that she didn't care that he was married. The reason for this is because he told her he wanted to end it because he was married.

I have been working out for almost 2 weeks now to take my mind off the situation since I noticed my hair is thinning in the front. I am only 29 years old but I feel like I am in my forties. My husband has been talking about my weight. I am 5'3 weighing 134 pounds. I have a small belly which is not that bad as he claims. he makes me feel bad about my stomach at times. While he has a beer belly which he didn't have when we met. smh.........

Today he did not go in to work today since he wasn't feeling well. I was getting my youngest daughter dressed and he whispered to my older daughter asking her do I take a long time at the school. My oldest daughter told me that as soon as we left the house. The reason for this is because he do not like me volunteering at their school. I still volunteer daily and it's only for about two hours with the kindergartners. Now he telling me what time I should leave the house to take our daughters to school. The school is rigght across the street from us. Sometimes I feel like he treats me like a child. Crazy thing is I told him I wouldn't mind having another child with him, now due to this situation i I do not want anymore children.
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Old 01-31-2013, 05:08 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: What Do I do?

Wow. I can't believe neanderthals like this - I hesitate to say 'man' - still exist.

I also find it unfathomable that ANYone would put up with this type of behaviour.

EliahBrandonRose, you do not have a normal relationship. At all. In any way. Normal men do not treat their wives the way you are being treated. Ever. You are being emotionally abused at the very least.

PLEASE seek some help to get out of this marriage. Please. You are putting your life at risk being with this disgusting excuse for a husband.
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:56 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I know it is a sad situation I am in. Today my husband got me roses and chocolates and then he said he is going out to a bar to have a drink. I said on Valentine's day. He said "it's only a day like the rest of the days. We are married I'm always here with you, is this okay that I am going out just to have a drink?" He never goes to a bar with just a white tee shirt on and regualr jeans. He looks nice when he goes out. I think he is meeting someone. Another thing is he worked ten hours today and after that he went grocery shopping and just left. How can he still have energy to go out. I don't understand how can he go out during the week and have to work the next day. When he takes me out (rarely) he takes me out to the movies or to applebees and we come back home since he says he is tired from working. I think he like spending his time with whoever but the nerve of him staring at other men since he sees them looking at me. Sad, sad, sad. One day I will get my degree......
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:01 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: What Do I do?

Your husband doesn't respect you. But then, how could he, as he quite clearly has zero respect for himself, either?


Oh. And good luck with the degree!
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
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You are right. Thank you Matt! Will be done with my Bachelor's in a year and a half. I can't wait!!!!
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EliahBrandonRose View Post
His reason for not taking me out is because he thinks a guy will try to talk to me and I won't know how to handle myself. .
Bad excuse and one he hopes you will believe, because he is trying to shift his cheating behavior onto you. The reason he does not take you out is because it is more difficult to pick up a woman when the wife is around.

He sees you as his employee. You are the cook, maid, and live in nanny. It's that simple.
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:33 PM   #15 (permalink)
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He tells you he loves you but he clearly does not show it. Words are nothing, actions are meaningful. That's right you aren't getting any younger and until you demand change from him, that is even if you want to stay, you won't get an results.
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