Re: Can't Sleep - Can't Stop Thinking
I am sorry for what you are going through. I went through much of the exact same things that you are going through. There was a week that I had a total of 7 hours of sleep. I had to get medicine to finally sleep.
My EXW of 15 years had an affair that I found out about and just basically through my life away down the drain with no warning etc... I so desperately wanted the life that I used to have so long ago, but that was just not going to happen. Sometimes the change is irreversible, sometimes it is not.
My EX was convinced I was awful, terrible, waste of time, i don't know...
It was almost a year ago to this day... I was in an Amish farmers market waiting for my number to be called when this large woman dropped her purse, full of cards, coins etc... I got down on the dirty floor in the market and I picked up the cards and handed them to her because they were the most important then I went about picking up her coins. She had a large coin purse and wasn't wealthy so I knew the coins meant something to her. I picked up the larger ones, the quarters, nickels, and dimes, then I picked up every single penny, well over 100 coins... She thanked me and said to me that she wanted to give me something... 'I told her you already have. You reminded me what I need to teach my boys.'
I have 3 sons 10, 11, 12. I want them to grow up to be good men. You do things for other people because everyone needs grace. You do. You are blessed and you will find as you go through this at start focussing on making yourself a better person that you will receive blessings beyond what you would ever receive if you stayed with your cheating H.
I met someone 7 months ago. She is beautiful and wonderful... Our relationship isn't perfect but I have been blessed to have met her. I still have feelings for my EX. Those feelings are of loss and pity, but not of love anymore. The betrayal took it's toll.
Yesterday, I took my bookends to counseling and the psychologist saw in my little one that he was full of sadness and anger. Like me, he masks it with a wall of humor. My girlfriend sensed it. She was taking her daughter to get her hair done today for a sweet 16 party and my two older ones have soccer. She just asked my little one if he wanted to go with her today. He jumped at the chance. He has been emotionally abandoned by his mother for a while and he was looking for attention. My girlfriend just saw his pain and knew and treats him like her own. I actually started crying a little and she held me.
She also has stage 2 cancer so life is hard and stressful, but the blessings just keep rolling in. I have $14 in my checking account until I get paid, but my son took his birthday money and gave it to me so we could buy groceries for a nice dinner tonight.
The point is, you can worry all you want about what the other person is thinking or doing or not doing and it won't do a Damn thing for you. If you work on yourself, getting fit, healthy, involved and making yourself better, and focusing on the positive things in life. Life will start opening up for you. Blessings will be there.
I don't have it easy right now, but I have been blessed. To have gone through this nasty process and to force myself to focus on becoming a better person has just helped open my life up to unexpected and wonderful love and joy. The trials I went through helped prepare me to be strong for my girlfriend. She needed someone to be there for her in her darkest time and if I hadn't had to go through what I did... I doubt I would have been prepared.
You have a lot to be thankful for and to look forward to. Do not let your happiness be determined but a cheating liar. Get up and get moving on making yourself great and don't look back! Good luck to you and God Bless!