Re: Love for the AP vs love for your BS
Definitely not the same. A "love" or feeling for OW/OM is much different and more "wanting" than for a spouse.
There is such a thing called limerance. It can happen to both single/married people. What is means is someone is in love or
obsessed" with something in a particular way. Now that doesn't necessarily mean that one is in "love" with someone but more appropriately explained as someone is obsessed or in "love" with the idea of being in love or just being with another person.
Our minds can naturally work against us as it is exciting to do new things, see new things, experience new things. Dopamine loves novelty, that saying will never get old (pun intended) no matter how many times I use it. A love for a spouse should be radical yet orderly and honest. If it is honest then a spouse must realize that they must rely on their spouse to sometimes get them "out of the fog".
Look up obsessive compulsive disorder. Do not let your thoughts or fantasies control you. Spouses must use their strengths and weaknesses to overcome themselves and their selfishness and remain steadfast to the truth, to reality that love is shown through actions, not words, fantasies, illusions, hurt, or deceit.