tough love for WS - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 04:40 PM Thread Starter
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tough love for WS

some of you were mentioning in a different thread tough love to get your WS out of the EA/PA fog. can you share what tough love methods you used or read of somewhere?
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 04:54 PM
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Re: tough love for WS

In my case I confronted my FWW with confidence and certianty. when she started blameshifting I started packing her things.

But having been here for a while I have also read enough post to see what works and what doesn't.

The 180 is tough love, it mentions the indifference, the disengagement that one must have to get a point across, and the point is you will not tolorate a waywards crap, you can't control them but you can control your self.

With that, cutting them off emotionally is just as effective as cutting them off finacialy, together these tactics shine a light on the reality of a waywards behavior. It shine a light that you don't have to take it anymore.

Asking a way ward to leave is tough love.

The reason its tough is cuz its tough to do after loving someone for so long.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 04:56 PM
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Re: tough love for WS

Well stting her down and saying "I love you, but this cannot go on. I'm giving you two choices. 1- You stop this bullsh!t, go NC with the AP and work on the marriage or 2-You gather all your belongings and GTFO. Your call." generally seems to be a common tough love technique.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 05:00 PM
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Re: tough love for WS

I told Regret this: "Here's the deal...I'm gonna go get my Skoal and a glass of bourbon. When I get back in 2 minutes, you f'ng level with me on everything right the f now or I walk. Here's the name of my attorney if you think I'm just f'ng with you."

That was 8/30 last year. The last trickle truth. I was totally over it and knew this was the only way to finally get through to her.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 05:13 PM
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Re: tough love for WS

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chopsy View Post
some of you were mentioning in a different thread tough love to get your WS out of the EA/PA fog. can you share what tough love methods you used or read of somewhere?
I found taking his mobile phone away on D day was good. Kicking him out and telling him he had 7 days to remove his stuff I think were a pretty good clue that the game was up and I wasn't playing any more.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 05:33 PM
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Re: tough love for WS

Waking my wife up from sleep, telling her I just recovered 3600 Facebook/email messages from her computer - so get up, pack some things and go stay at your mother's house. End of the discussion and off she went.

That was a good start, but I made a number of mistakes after that. However, that night certainly got her attention.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 05:50 PM
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Re: tough love for WS

I was reading earlier on how to have a successful relationship with a Borderline Personality Disorder person... and it is a common theme.

If you are a man, be a MAN. Take charge. Lay down the law, tell them how it is. Don't tolerate any disrespect. Kick them out if need be. Be a man. Be someone she should be attracted to.

Install a Urinal in your house and Pee standing up!
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 06:02 PM
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Re: tough love for WS

Basically tough love is focusing on you and not putting up with their crap.

I told her:

I will not apologize for your affair.
We both hurt this marriage but you killed it.
I will not share you.
I deserve better and will move on.
I don't believe a word you tell me anymore.
You must quit your job or change shifts.
You must share your passwords, even though I've seen everything already.
Give me one good reason right now why I shouldn't file for sole custody.

I acted:

Exposed.
Gave her my ring back.
Filed.
Rented a truck.
Packed her stuff.
Helped her move it.

She asked me to help her hang drapes. I refused and told her we're not friends anymore.

Removed her from Facebook.
Blocked her on Facebook.
Demanded NC other than D6 and divorce related.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 08:01 PM
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Re: tough love for WS

Zillard, um, you the man!!
Wow!!!!
Posted via Mobile Device
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-30-2013, 08:41 PM
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Re: tough love for WS

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Zillard, um, you the man!!
Wow!!!!
Keep in mind this was not all at once and was in between moments I'm totally embarrassed about now (mushy I love you crap).

But of course it was. She broke my freakin' heart. Live and learn.
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