Re: Why do I keep reading the his affair msg's???
I agree with ^^^^^^^^^^! I am at the 1.5 year since Dday, too. I was OBSESSED with putting the pieces back together by reading over 1,000 emails, checking calenders, work diaries, even time tickets...I even copied out a few of the more hurtful emails and once in a while reread them...I think its like this: the relationship you thought you had with WS gets blown to smithereens on Dday and you frantically pick thru the evidence of WS's other life, the double life, real life, the affair life he led to rewrite the truth of your life. They are like pieces of a puzzle you must completely understand in order to ACCEPT them, put closure on and leave behind. HOWEVER, you WS is not doing anything to help you heal and the painful irony is that the only person who can heal you is the one who hurt you. He must fess up, answer any question you need answered, be completely transparent, no blameshifting, no rugsweeping. He created the nightmare, and he must own up to the painful consequences of what his actions did to you if he loves, cares for and wants to heal you. You really cannot do this on your own. My WH reacted similiarily, never, until recently, realizing that he had to do the heavy lifting of helping me understand the why of his betrayal. Because understanding the why of the affair also helps to repair the breakdown in the marriage that led to the affair...made him open to an affair. Unless your husband is a pathological, serial cheater, a total scumbag, he needs to prove to you every day, every time, his committment and dedication to repairing the damage his selfishness created. Be patient, perservere and stand your ground, don't let him bully you, you have a right to know if you need to. But do not over-react and fall apart when you do get the answers you seek, stay calm, talk it out and communicate your need for reassurance. In my case, all I needed was the truth, his arms around me, telling me I am sorry, I am here now and will be tomorrow...and he couldn't do it even tho I asked over and over. We are still together, and doing so much better, but I know without a doubt that had he done that sooner, I would be so much further on the path to putting it all behind us....good luck.