Should I give the OM info about my wife?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 01-30-2013, 07:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Should I give the OM info about my wife?

I am the one who started the 'should I inform my wife of her FOG situation?' but I have opened another thread to talk about the post-wife-kick-out event.

People have suggested that I dig out dirt on the OM and give it to my wife, but what if I do it the other way round? I have unsavoury information, about my wife that I could give the OM to put him off her during their 'blind love' stage. I am not saying what it is exactly as I do not want the thread to be deviated.

I know people will say, if she is so bad why do you want her yourself? well, she is the mother of my children and I committed myself to help her with her demons.

If I want my wife back, could this be counter-productive? I cannot ask the OM not to show her the information, he may do.

Remember, people have suggested to me the No more Mr nice guy approach
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

I didn't comment on your other thread bc the advice and opinions were solid and well reasoned.

You plan here is not a good one AT ALL.

First:the OM probabably doesn't give a hoot about what you have to say. He's getting what he wants and it ain't a lifetime partner. So he'll likely just chuckle to himself.

Second: he will share your info with your wife in an attempt to make you look even worse. So yeah, it'll backfire and resonate for a mighty long time.

IMO you should reconsider the solid advice on your other thread.

(and before you accuse me of being bitter, I'm not -but I'm afraid you're going to be bitter and angry at yourself when this goes south)

I know you're in a bad place so I'll excuse you if you feel you have to dis my opinion. Good luck, and I mean that sincerely.
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fredmila View Post
I am the one who started the 'should I inform my wife of her FOG situation?' but I have opened another thread to talk about the post-wife-kick-out event.

People have suggested that I dig out dirt on the OM and give it to my wife, but what if I do it the other way round? I have unsavoury information, about my wife that I could give the OM to put him off her during their 'blind love' stage. I am not saying what it is exactly as I do not want the thread to be deviated.

I know people will say, if she is so bad why do you want her yourself? well, she is the mother of my children and I committed myself to help her with her demons.

If I want my wife back, could this be counter-productive? I cannot ask the OM not to show her the information, he may do.

Remember, people have suggested to me the No more Mr nice guy approach
Ummm... No.

Oh... sorry how about...Heck, No!

This is a very, very bad idea. You might as well pack her bags and deliver them and her to the OM.

He would use that against you with your wife.

Please. Do not do this.
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

Honestly, I don't mean this in a snarky way...but he isn't really all that interested in what kind of inspirational woman she can be. He just wants the sex I would be willing to bet.
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

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Originally Posted by walkonmars View Post
You plan here is not a good one AT ALL.

First:the OM probabably doesn't give a hoot about what you have to say. He's getting what he wants and it ain't a lifetime partner. So he'll likely just chuckle to himself.
Couldn't agree more.

FM, everything you need to do this properly is on your original thread. However, you need to set aside your attitude and defiant nature and start listening to people that have been through this. The folks here are schooled in what to do and know how to assist YOU in getting through this. You aren't. It's that simple. The sooner you get that through your head, the better.

Oh, I know what to do as well. I am very schooled in infidelity. But I'll refrain from posting to you since I'm quite certain you'll confuse my abrasiveness towards you as bitterness about my own life.

If you drop your guard a little, and let people actually help you, you just might be surprised at the results and possible outcome.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. You're thinking you know your wife better than we do, so why should you listen to us.

YOU'RE DEAD ASSED WRONG HERE.

In the state of mind your WW is right now, we know her better than you ever have.

Hope you start to get it soon.

Otherwise......
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Old 01-30-2013, 07:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fredmila View Post
I am the one who started the 'should I inform my wife of her FOG situation?' but I have opened another thread to talk about the post-wife-kick-out event.

People have suggested that I dig out dirt on the OM and give it to my wife, but what if I do it the other way round? I have unsavoury information, about my wife that I could give the OM to put him off her during their 'blind love' stage. I am not saying what it is exactly as I do not want the thread to be deviated.

I know people will say, if she is so bad why do you want her yourself? well, she is the mother of my children and I committed myself to help her with her demons.

If I want my wife back, could this be counter-productive? I cannot ask the OM not to show her the information, he may do.

Remember, people have suggested to me the No more Mr nice guy approach

You need to forget about the other man . Nothing you say about him will matter to your wife. If you want to work on a relationship, let it be about you and your wife.
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Old 01-30-2013, 08:05 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

Dammit, I wish I would have asked this question, but I have to add to a solid answer of NO! I made the mistake of contacting my wife's fantasy boyfriend and it didn't go well. The coward of course never responded, but I know the way she changed even more towards me afterwards that he had shared what I told him.

They'll just use it as an opportunity to see you as the pathetic villain, bringing them closer together. Plus, you think a guy who would seduce a married woman gives a damn about anyone or anything? They're in it for the ego boost, the high of seducing someone who shouldn't be available, and of course the sexual rewards. Trust me, it will do nothing but backfire...

By the way, I'm gathering from comments here that you may have alluded to some of the advice of posters here as being bitter here? Again, another mistake I made. I posted here after my wife's first affair and allowed myself to cling to the idea of reconciliation even against the warnings of people here. I thought oh, they're probably just a bit bitter and don't really know US. The sad thing is, they do! I've learned the posters here are experts at this stuff, because many have lived it and have seen so many stories with so many similarities. Listen to them man!

Last edited by StillLife; 01-30-2013 at 08:09 PM.
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Old 01-30-2013, 08:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

New thread title: How much time can I waste channeling negative karma?
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Old 01-30-2013, 08:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

Fredmila,

Whatever you say to OM about your wife will come back to bite you in the azz!
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Old 01-30-2013, 09:07 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

Agree with the others. It will end up backfiring on you. The OM does not care what you have to say nor will he believe it anyway. He's messing around with a married woman. Character means nothing to him. Not his and certainly not hers.
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Old 01-30-2013, 09:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

I just don't get it at all. In the other thread you seemed like you didn't want to do anything good for fear of upsetting your wife, yet you are fine sharing what you characterize as highly personal shameful details about her with a stranger for no reason whatsoever?
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Old 01-30-2013, 09:16 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

Do NOT do it.

The OM isn't your ally. Do NOT negotiate with the terrorist (the man terrorizing your marriage).

You don't have full control of the situation yet, especially between her and him. Doing this will be you giving up any control you have and any you may have obtained.

That and it will alienate your wife. It will give her more ammunition to 'justify her affair'.

She needs to want to end the affair on her own.

Besides, if he DID leave her because of that information (highly doubtful though, but hypothetically he may leave her because he's used her up and use that as an excuse) and she does return to you, how will you feel?

You'll feel as if you are her plan B. She didn't return to you because she made a mistake. She returned to you because the OM tossed her aside.

You WILL NOT get what you want out of this.
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Old 01-30-2013, 09:25 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

OK then, but remember I am now in an all out war, I am certainly going to fight for my wife. BTW the information is in official documents so he can check its veracity. I will hold fire on that front.

And to clarify, the information was about something that is likely to happen to him in the future, when the honeymoon period is over and he sees the reality of my wife. It is not something that she did outside the family home.

Last edited by fredmila; 01-30-2013 at 09:45 PM.
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Old 01-30-2013, 10:21 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

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Originally Posted by fredmila View Post
OK then, but remember I am now in an all out war, I am certainly going to fight for my wife. BTW the information is in official documents so he can check its veracity. I will hold fire on that front.

And to clarify, the information was about something that is likely to happen to him in the future, when the honeymoon period is over and he sees the reality of my wife. It is not something that she did outside the family home.
You are going to fight for your wife by insulting her to another person?

Read that sentence to yourself and please tell me it sounds just as ridiculous to you. No, it doesn't matter if it is true.

If that doesn't make sense maybe this will:

fred: Hey, honey I love you stay with me. This is war!!! Oh by the way, I just gave the other man official documents about your shortcomings!
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Old 01-30-2013, 10:49 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I give the OM info about my wife?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fredmila View Post
I am the one who started the 'should I inform my wife of her FOG situation?' but I have opened another thread to talk about the post-wife-kick-out event.

People have suggested that I dig out dirt on the OM and give it to my wife, but what if I do it the other way round? I have unsavoury information, about my wife that I could give the OM to put him off her during their 'blind love' stage. I am not saying what it is exactly as I do not want the thread to be deviated.

I know people will say, if she is so bad why do you want her yourself? well, she is the mother of my children and I committed myself to help her with her demons.

If I want my wife back, could this be counter-productive? I cannot ask the OM not to show her the information, he may do.

Remember, people have suggested to me the No more Mr nice guy approach
I think it might be counter-productive. And obviously this other man wants to keep those rose tinted blinders on...
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