Why do women do it?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-02-2013, 06:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Why do women do it?

I'm trying to give my son solid advice about red flags in a budding relationship and it occurred to me that the people of CWI could answer this best.

Other than a personality disorder, what is the number one reason women cheat in their marriage?

Attention, affection, etc. but what traits or pre marriage events are the things that lead to a cheater?

Thoughts?
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Old 02-02-2013, 06:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

Boredom would be my guess. Falling out of love w husband.

I think most, if not all cheaters lack integrity. They could express their unhappiness prior to cheating.
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Old 02-02-2013, 06:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

I find this question strange. Why have you limited it to women - is it because you KNOW why men stray? (and lets it face it, men stray)
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Old 02-02-2013, 06:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yessongs72 View Post
I find this question strange. Why have you limited it to women - is it because you KNOW why men stray? (and lets it face it, men stray)
Agreed. Women cheat for the same reason men do:

1) Immaturity
2) Inability to communicate feelings and needs to their partner
3) Misdirected responses to childhood trauma
4) Bad parenting
5) Selfishness
6) Inflated ego
7) Narcissism
8) Lust..........LUST, LUST, LUST.
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Old 02-02-2013, 06:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

With some women, as well as men, the "forbiden fruit" syndrome simply becomes too irresistible. Unlike us men, some women simply do not want to admit to others, and especially themselves, that they love to fvck. Ironically, some of the most loyal women are the ones who admit this reality to not just others but to themselves as well.
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Old 02-02-2013, 06:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

Statistically speaking, more men cheat than women do in relationships, so I find your question interesting. I'll take a stab at it. Short answer, women cheat for emotional reasons.

My married ex-AP (male) started flirting/pursing me over email, with the occasional confession that he "wished things could be different" (ie date me). For a year and a half. I took the energy home and tried desperately to make my marriage better (read: sex at home).

Despite being married to a guy who is extremely selfish, disrespectful,poor hygiene, sometimes borderline nuts, not even a very good dad, frankly, I didn't pursue anything physical with the this guy - until my husband (despite noticing the improvements in me but not improving himself at all) turned even meaner, which I didn't think was possible (no, he didn't know, one benefit of being married to a narc. person who's had their own affairs is that they will never suspect you...)

It was at that point, with the mental decision in my head that I was headed for divorce anyway, that I moved from an EA to a PA, but it was really short lived, because the comparison between being with this other guy and the meanness at home was too heartbreaking for me personally. He was just using me since he wasn't getting enough sex or attention at home (like many of your male stories here) but admitted his marriage wasn't toxic like mine - it was "good enough" and he was never leaving, of course.

Yes, some people are serial cheaters. Some people just make mistakes. Some people have experiences that change their lives and tell them finally they need to get out of both situations. Mine was the last.

Hope that helps.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:02 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by gettingout View Post
Yes, some people are serial cheaters. Some people just make mistakes. Some people have experiences that change their lives and tell them finally they need to get out of both situations. Mine was the last.
Which ultimately makes you selfish.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

Lack of integrity, loyalty, self-respect, respect for others, commitment and selfishness.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:13 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Yessongs72 View Post
I find this question strange. Why have you limited it to women - is it because you KNOW why men stray? (and lets it face it, men stray)
I limited it to women because it's the direction that's relevant to my discussion with my son and because I do think the reasons are generally different for women then they are for men
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:14 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by gettingout View Post
Statistically speaking, more men cheat than women do in relationships, so I find your question interesting. I'll take a stab at it. Short answer, women cheat for emotional reasons.
According to some experts in the field of infidelity, female infidelity has caught up with male infidelity in the last two decades. If you don't believe me, simply ask a few marriage counselors.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:18 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

Selfishness/Low Self Esteem
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:18 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

Because they can.

They know that there is literally a line of men out there whose main goal in life is to get laid, as it somehow validates their masculinity. The fact that the woman in question is married is of no importance.

And we also have a media enforced "you go girl" cultural paradigm, combined with the expected lack of accountability from women and the ever increasing big daddy government that is more than happy to provide for them (or bail them out). Cheating is safer than ever. Your wife can cheat on you and you will be the one getting screwed over in the divorce court.

If you want to give your son a honest advice, you should tell him about the current state of the culture. Also, make sure he is aware of a very real fact, and that is female hypergamy.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:22 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

Poor boundaries with the opposite sex

The refusal of many women to admit to themselves and to others that they crave variety in sexual partners as well. So maybe some of these women who are in relationships probably shouldn't attempt monogamy.

For less experienced women: Mistaking Lustful feelings for love.

Just a few. There are many others of course depending on the individual and the circumstances.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:23 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

I appreciate the responses so far.

I ask this because my son is 20 and beginning to get serious with his girlfriend, who I like. The problem is while she is very pretty she has serious self esteem issues.
They manifest in a way I think is dangerous for the future. He is very affectionate and spends a lot of time with her but it's never enough for her and she says he doesn't show her enough attention and doesn't make her feel loved enough.

I work with my son and we talk a lot. He is doing more than most boyfriends do in the showing affection department and in my opinion it only gets harder when you have kids and a mortgage.

I don't know but low self esteem and seeking it from the opposite seems like a red flag.




By the way I know men cheat, but many times I feel its sex driven as opposed to emotional deficit driven.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:25 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do women do it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by happyman64 View Post
Selfishness/Low Self Esteem
This is currently my thinking, although I realize there are many reasons.
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