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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-09-2013, 01:18 AM   #151 (permalink)
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Good! If she has demonized you to some extent, you can simply explain that you are there to talk things over with her ... or even apologize to her because you regret how things have come to this point ... but first, you need to use her phone

oh, and another phone won't work because her phone is on your plan. Remember, you are an ACTOR
That's exactly my game plan. Thank you for taking your time to give me all these suggestions! You are a very helpful person!
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:19 AM   #152 (permalink)
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Its really sad that she suddenly goes home for 3 days, meets a guy and forget our 3 year old relationships. I know I have not been the best husband but I always encouraged her to finish her education and tried to help her financially. Flew there every month to see her. Accumulated debt and paid for her living and medical expenses. And this is what I get. Our marriage had its short comings but there were strong points too. I am also young and living alone for two years in a big city. There are a lot of girls around but I never transgressed. I could never think of hurting her like that.
I understand it's hard. For what it's worth, those girls will be there if this doesn't work out. First though, as I mentioned a few posts ago, you will have to take time to work on yourself. Hard to get the right girl (or any girl) if your confidence is shot.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:22 AM   #153 (permalink)
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I understand it's hard. For what it's worth, those girls will be there if this doesn't work out. First though, as I mentioned a few posts ago, you will have to take time to work on yourself. Hard to get the right girl (or any girl) if your confidence is shot.
Man I will get my confidence back. But I will be really scared of taking a women seriously after this point. My wife is the nicest women I have ever met and if even she acted like that, I would not have much hope for other women. I will probably just date girls for a couple of months and then dump them. I will never ever marry another women or get into a long term relationship with them. I am done with all that. I don't ever wanna experience this pain again.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:29 AM   #154 (permalink)
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Man I will get my confidence back. But I will be really scared of taking a women seriously after this point. My wife is the nicest women I have ever met and if even she acted like that, I would not have much hope for other women. I will probably just date girls for a couple of months and then dump them. I will never ever marry another women or get into a long term relationship with them. I am done with all that. I don't ever wanna experience this pain again.
I understand. Because you feel that way is why you need to take the time to work on yourself. If you feel the need to go get laid, cool ... but work on yourself. You won't have a problem picking up girls right away ... but chances are good that those girls will be broken and have low self-esteem. My counselor told me that once ... and she was dead on.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:32 AM   #155 (permalink)
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I understand. Because you feel that way is why you need to take the time to work on yourself. If you feel the need to go get laid, cool ... but work on yourself. You won't have a problem picking up girls right away ... but chances are good that those girls will be broken and have low self-esteem. My counselor told me that once ... and she was dead on.
Yes that's true. I am already planning my emotional recovery. I will go spend a week with my brother who lives in Europe. That will change my environment a bit. Then I am planning to go see my parents and other relatives for 3 weeks. They live in India. So that will be quite a change for me. Once my grief goes down a little, things will be easier to handle.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:39 AM   #156 (permalink)
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Yes that's true. I am already planning my emotional recovery. I will go spend a week with my brother who lives in Europe. That will change my environment a bit. Then I am planning to go see my parents and other relatives for 3 weeks. They live in India. So that will be quite a change for me. Once my grief goes down a little, things will be easier to handle.
That's an awesome plan dude. Yeah, when my counselor told me that I was a little offended ... I thought, wait a second ... I'm a great guy ... but she was exactly right. Should go back and thank her. If you work on becoming the guy you want to be, you will attract the kind of girl you want to be with. THAT girl is going to change your mind. I believe it.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:42 AM   #157 (permalink)
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That's an awesome plan dude. Yeah, when my counselor told me that I was a little offended ... I thought, wait a second ... I'm a great guy ... but she was exactly right. Should go back and thank her. If you work on becoming the guy you want to be, you will attract the kind of girl you want to be with. THAT girl is going to change your mind. I believe it.
When I read about all the cases where wives left their husbands even after 20-30 years of marriage, I get scared. There will always be a chance of women betraying me no matter who I marry. I am going through so much pain right. I don't ever wanna risk it. I don't want to have kids, so marriage has less incentive for me anyway.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:52 AM   #158 (permalink)
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When I read about all the cases where wives left their husbands even after 20-30 years of marriage, I get scared. There will always be a chance of women betraying me no matter who I marry. I am going through so much pain right. I don't ever wanna risk it. I don't want to have kids, so marriage has less incentive for me anyway.
Well, from personal experience, people change quite a bit over 20 to 30 years. If you and your spouse aren't growing together then you are growing apart. Communication and honesty are key. If you look at the reasons why people justify cheating to themselves, they all follow a pattern that is easy to identify. Some people don't recognize it until it is too late. The people I know with successful long term marriage are able to identify these problems early on and constantly work on it. Many people ignore it.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:57 AM   #159 (permalink)
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Well, from personal experience, people change quite a bit over 20 to 30 years. If you and your spouse aren't growing together then you are growing apart. Communication and honesty are key. If you look at the reasons why people justify cheating to themselves, they all follow a pattern that is easy to identify. Some people don't recognize it until it is too late.
These are words of wisdom. I am completely clueless of the pattern that cheaters follow. I really need to learn more about people and relationships. I am completely ignorant when it comes to these issues. People at this forum have recommended me some nice books. I will surely check them out. I should have read them a long time ago. I probably wouldn't have to see this day.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:04 AM   #160 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help with snooping! Really stressed

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These are words of wisdom. I am completely clueless of the pattern that cheaters follow. I really need to learn more about people and relationships. I am completely ignorant when it comes to these issues. People at this forum have recommended me some nice books. I will surely check them out. I should have read them a long time ago. I probably wouldn't have to see this day.
Those are words of wisdom from painful lessons learned, lol. Just passing them along. I sincerely wish the best to you.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:05 AM   #161 (permalink)
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Those are words of painful lessons learned, lol. I sincerely wish the best to you.
Thank you buddy! Have you posted your story somewhere on the forum?
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:10 AM   #162 (permalink)
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Thank you buddy! Have you posted your story somewhere on the forum?
I haven't. I intend to now after having read many of the experiences people have shared. It's pretty long and just haven't sat down to think through how to explain it. I'm always open to advice and suggestions so I'm looking forward to getting my story out there.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:12 AM   #163 (permalink)
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I haven't. I intend to now after having read many of the experiences people have shared. It's pretty long and just haven't sat down to think through how to explain it. I'm always open to advice and suggestions so I'm looking forward to getting my story out there.
I would be interested in reading your story. I might learn a thing or two from your experience.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:26 AM   #164 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help with snooping! Really stressed

Most married people, if they want to go to college, they go to one near their homes, and continue to live with their spouses.

Most married people will not agree to be apart for 2-3 years for the sake of a college education when there are colleges close by that will not be so disruptive to the family. In other words, if you don't have to sacrifice living apart for a college education, then why do it?

Why did your wife go out of state to college?
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:39 AM   #165 (permalink)
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Stressed Hubby,

Are you considering individual counseling for yourself? You seem to be affected by insecurities.
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